Cold Waves
by Marie de Sade
Summary: Dean had enough to worry about with Sam still hallucinating about hell. The last thing he needed was to be forced to put a certain angel back together. Especially since both brothers still blame him for this whole mess. {hiatus}
1. Chapter 1

Things had been pretty quiet the last few months, Dean guessed that a lot of badies were lying low after the whole 'God walks among us' fiasco. But while other hunters got to enjoy the extended break Dean was held up at Bobby's house making sure his brother didn't scratch his eyeballs out as he slowly re-lived hell all over again. Of course all the witches, vampires and monsters of the world were slowly starting to work their way back into trouble and the brothers couldn't sick back and let people die. They had been going out on a few cases but a lot of the time Sam would start to freak out and he'd have to call Bobby to get him so Dean could finish his job. Eventually Dean started doing most of his hunts solo while Sam researched at Bobby's house. As worried as Dean still was about Sam, he knew that his brother hated being cooped up in Bobby's house for weeks on end. So he risked a trip to the next state over, an easy hunt, a ghost that had put a dozen people in the ER but wasn't strong enough to put anyone in their grave. Sam was still a little twitchy the first day and sometimes he'd just stare at nothing lost in a hallucination but getting back into the hunting routine seem help keep him focused on reality.

The hunt was over in less then three days, that was the easy part, it was on the way home when everything turned south. Usually Dean would just drive through the night while Sam slept but he figured it be best to take it easy for Sam's sake, he even splurged on an actually hotel instead of the usually sketchy places they frequented. Of course as soon as they dropped their bags on the floor Sam was already on his laptop researching their next case. Dean thought that things were finally getting back to normal when the lights started to flicker. Sam looked up from his laptop and Dean quickly checked outside expecting to see a pack of demons or something. Just as he was about to give Sam the all clear Dean was hit with a sudden force that knocked him to the floor, Sam groaned when the same wave forced him against a wall.

"I don't get it." Dean heard the click of heels against the hard floor but couldn't move his head to look at the intruder. "You don't seem all that great." A face popped into his view, a women with black hair kneeled down beside him leaned in and tapped her finger against the hunter's forehead. She made a face of mild disgust and stood up making her way over to Sam, she looked at him long and hard as if studying him. She raised her hand up and tried to stretch her arm up to Sam's height. "You're both pretty scrawny."

Dean struggled against whatever was holding him down trying to open his mouth to yell at the stranger to get away from his brother. He didn't manage to make much more then a loud groan like sound which the women ignored now that her focus was on Sam. "I certainly couldn't imagine loosing my grace for you two."

_Angel_ Dean's mind hissed, his blood beginning to boil at the thought of another one of those messing with the brother's lives. They hadn't seen an angel much less even heard of one being sighted since the gates of purgatory were open. The last one they'd seen had been…but Dean didn't have time to think about that because right now some winged bitch was poking his brother's stomach like he was some god dammed piñata.

"Let me tell you a story." She began snapping her fingers as she moved away from Sam. The pressure that was holding Dean down began to lift, not disappearing completely but enough that he could push him self up to a sitting positing. Sam's arms dropped to his side and his body relaxed but he also couldn't move much more against the angel's power.

"Go to hell." Dean sneered when he finally regained control of his mouth.

"No, you don't get to talk boy." The angel frowned down at him "and it's Rachmiel."

"Didn't Cas kill you?" He growled trying not to flinch when he said his old friend's name.

"That was Rachel, you stupid-" Rachmiel paused, biting her lip in an oddly human gesture. "Speaking of Castiel, he's the reason I'm here. My story! It's a good one, I think you'll like it, great beginning, sappy middle and no end." She pulled a chair up in front of Dean turning it around and sitting on it backwards resting her chin on it. "So my brother gets it in his head that he should single handedly take on the half of heaven that Raphael had brainwashed. Very noble, very stupid."

"Sorry but we've already heard this story." Sam interrupted, his brows furrowing in anger.

"So then these two stupid self-righteous brothers, who incidentally were probably the only reason he even got this idiot idea, basically tell him to screw off…" She trailed off tapping her nails against the wood of the chair. "Did I mention these two hunters are known for bending rules and making deals with demons? But I suppose you know that part. Now we're at the stories climax where the heavenly angel swallows legions of icky nasty monster souls and with no support system falls into a spiraling pit of self destruction. Kills some people, destroys a wickedly large portion of the heavenly host and saves the souls of close to a billion people, not that we talk about the last part much, before finally coming to his senses. He works some magic and pukes the souls back and then these two hunters they…"

She looks at Dean expectantly and he realized that she didn't know what happened after Castiel returned all of the souls to purgatory. "We didn't do anything, he couldn't handle it, he died."

"Is that so? And you just left him there?" She took their silence as a yes.

"Is this some twisted revenge for what you think we did to Cas? Because he sure as hell did a lot to us first." Rachmiel turned to look at Sam finding his words more mildly amusing then accusing.

"My brother died for you, twice. Suffered indescribable pain to raise you _both_ from perdition. Lost his grace, forsake his family, took up arms against his brothers and he did it all for you. In fact I believe he pretty much used those exact words once. But that's only chapter one, I'm not here to kill you, I'm here to tell you a story and I'm not done." She stand up from the chair and kicking it back over to the table. "Heaven is at this point left scrambling to put it's self back together and for a long time doesn't have time to wonder about Castiel, assuming he's dead or human or had maybe even sucked into purgatory. No, heavens much more concerned about reorganizing its ranks and restoring whatever order it has left. Then things start to calm down, a lot of angels are concerned, a lot of angels are angry, so we look for Castiel. But he's not on earth, so we look in hell, then purgatory, then we even check over heaven thinking maybe Father granted him his eternal rest. No dice, in fact as far as we can tell Castiel simply disappeared from all existence."

"Like father like son." Dean sneered. He heard Sam hiss and less then a second later felt a searing pain spread from his stomach straight up to his heart. Rachmiel stood beside him with a sour look on her face enjoying his suffering for a moment before snapping her fingers and letting the pain slowly ease away. "You crazy bitch, what is wrong with you?"

"Then the craziest thing happens." She continued, choosing to ignore the insult. "After months of assuming Castiel was gone forever, I hear him call my name."

"What?" Sam coughed the pain in his stomach still causing his chest to tighten. "Why would he call you?"

"Maybe he didn't." She shrugged. "There are more angels in heaven then stars in the sky. Off the top of my head I can think of at least a hundred angels with names similar to mine. Though I imagine when you're being tortured you have good reason to call upon an angel of mercy."

"Tortured?"

"Hm yes it seems Crowley was less then pleased when Castiel betrayed him."

"So what exactly are we supposed to do about it? I hope you don't expect us to help that. That-" Sam racked his brain trying to think of the right words to use. He felt his heart clench in anger and he had to grip the healing wound on his hand when he heard the imaginary Lucifer began to chuckle at the situation."

"You know Castiel believed that the answer to everything was free will. Well look where that got him. So no, I'm not giving you the option of refusing, consider it more of an order."

"Why the hell would I help you, I'm already dealing with the mess Cas left behind I'm not looking for anymore." Rachmiel leaned down, placed her hands on her knees and looked Dean in the eyes like some sort of battle of will.

"Listen…Dean." She gritted her teeth like it pained her to say his name. "He's hidden from heaven and even the demons don't know where he is. I can't fix what Castiel did to Sam but do you really think that he deserves constant torture for his crimes?" The dark look in Dean's eyes told her that he probably did. "Fine."

Rachmiel reached into Dean's jacket and before he could protest grabbed his knife. She crossed the room over to Sam whose eyes widened in surprise but he couldn't move much against his invisible binds. She raised the knife high above her head and brought it down in one swift motion, the blade ripped through his shirt and left an ugly red stain. Sam barely had time to cry out in pain before the knife cut through his skin again. Dean swore at the angel to back away from his brother but could only helplessly watch as she slashed at him over and over.

'Don't be such a baby." She chastised, grabbed Sam's shirt and ripped it open. Dean could clearly see his wounds that formed a pattern instead of just a slew of random cuts. The angel dragged the knife over her thumb drawing a few drops of blood before she ran the bloody digit against Sam's chest. A faint blue light began to run across the bloody lines sucking the spilt blood back into his body, leaving clean but unhealed wounds behind. "I can't put all the pieces of your soul back together, consider this more like duck tape. You'll still see things at least you'll know it's not real, you'll be able to fight it without becoming a rambling mess. Castiel is somewhere around Chicago, that's as close as I could pinpoint before I lost him, if you find him I'll do this again in a few weeks when the effects start to fade."

Then she was gone and Dean was able to move again s he rushed over to his brother. He gently ran his fingers over Sam's wounds which made the taller man hiss in pain. Parts still glowed with the angel's blood in what looked like very sloppy Enochian carved into Sam's chest.

"So what now? Are we supposed to just show up in Chicago with no leads and find someone even heaven can't find?"

"I don't know Sammy." He helped his brother up and sat him down on the bed. "How do you feel?"

"Well I uh…" His stomach felt kind of tingly but otherwise nothing seemed to have change. He wasn't seeing Lucifer but it was normal for him to disappear every now and then. "I guess we'll have to wait and see."

"Ya well, I'm not doing shit all for any angels till I know they upheld their half."

* * *

><p>Castiel woke up alone. Water dripped down from a rusty pipe into a puddle that had grown substantially since the night before. Unfortunately it hadn't spread far enough to clear away the pool of blood that had formed in the corner Castiel fell asleep in. He shifted a bit trying to ease the stiffness of his body but his left arm practically screamed in protest.<p>

"Don't get up on my account." A voice chuckled, light flooded in from the open door and Castiel had to squeeze his eyes shut when he felt a migraine building behind his eyelids. Castiel had been…where ever he was, for a long time, but his captor didn't speak much and had never mentioned his name. All the souls had been returned to purgatory and Castiel vaguely remembered Dean saying his name but then just nothing. He didn't know if he had died or if that's when the demon's attacked but the next time he woke up he was locked in some tiny wine cellar. The demon pulled the cord on the dangling light bulb, Castiel's eyes still burned with the brightness but gathered enough will to stair down the abomination in front of him. "I don't know how you did it, breaking through my seals, but it doesn't really matter because they're not going to find you in time. It's really very disappointing, after all my hard work I have to leave you to bleed out, well enjoy what time you have left. Here," he tossed a black marker at Castiel's feet before heading back out the door. "why don't you write a thank you note for the people that find you're corpse?"


	2. Chapter 2

It only took a few hours for Sam to start seeing Lucifer again, he was pushing quarters into a vending machine when Satan started critiquing his choice of soda. It was different this time though, it was really more like a day dream then a hallucination. It was easy to ignore and eventually Lucifer disappeared on his own, cutting out mid-sentence. He didn't say anything to Dean because he thought maybe it was a one time thing.

The next time was in the middle of the night when he woke up covered in flames. Not hot enough to burn him and he knew it wasn't real but it still terrified him and he yelled for Dean. Dean tried to talk him down but Sam's heart was beating so fast he could barely hear him. Instead he tightly shut his eyes and silently told himself that everything was fine and that it couldn't hurt him. When he opened his eyes everything was normal, except for the fact Dean was roughly shaking him back and forth. The whole episode lasted only a few minutes but they still didn't head out for Chicago because Dean said it was probably a fluke.

A few days later when Sam was stuck listening to Lucifer talk about the pointlessness of this whole 'hunter' thing, Sam slammed his book down and told him to shut up and go away. There wasn't any laughter or snide remarks Sam looked up and he was alone in the room. So when Dean came home Sam already had a map of Chicago laid on the table highlighting possible locations they could check when they got there. They were on the road in less then an hour but they were just north of New York which meant they had at least a thirteen hour drive.

By the time they were in Chicago it was over a week since Rachmiel had popped into their lives. Dean silently counted 162 days since he last saw Castiel lying bloody and dead on the floor, his skin still blistered and broken from all the souls that were slowly burning his flesh away. It wasn't like they checked for a pulse then walked right out the door, the three of them had waited over an hour thinking that eventually he'd wake up. And maybe they should have buried him or cremated him but then Sam started freaking out and Bobby convinced him that nobody was going to take a body that was seconds away from bursting.

"I'm glad to see you rushing so quickly to my brother's aid." There was a time when Dean was used to angels randomly showing up in his car without any warning. But he had gotten accustomed to an empty back seat and sped right through a red light when Rachmiel suddenly spoke.

"Jesus!" he swore pulling the car over so he could turn and glare at the angel behind him.

"Dean, Dean, Dean." She clicked her tongue in annoyance. "I'd be carful what you say in front of one of heaven's soldiers."

"Ya? You gonna rain some holy fire down on me? Who'd you get to play detective for you then."

"You're replaceable."

"You could have dozens of hunters all searching for Cas but you picked us." Sam said pulling out the map of Chicago. "I think that shows you're a bit desperate."

"Satan treating you all right Sammy?" Rachmiel taunted.

"Okay, okay you two. Look unless you have anything helpful to add get out so we can do our job."

"It's been over-"

"We've worked with enough angels to know to you might not hold up your end of the bargain."

"I wouldn't-"

"We've heard that before."

"Dean-"

"Ya, ya, ya, you're an angel of the Lord and blah, blah, blah."

"Will you stop interrupting me!" She snapped. "If you would have gotten those sticks out of your asses I wouldn't have to bribe you."

"You're right clearly I'm the problem here." Dean rolled his eyes and started his car back up. "We have a whole city to search so why don't you poof back to wherever you go and leave us the hell alone."

The car fell into silence but the brothers knew the angel hadn't left. They decided to just give her the cold shoulder till she got the hint but they drove good twenty minutes before she said in a tiny very un-angelic like voice, "I really do wish I could help…"

"You said you can't locate him," Sam sighed "that he's hidden from you. So what if you figured out what part of the city is hidden from you too."

"What are you going on about Sam?"

"He's right." Rachmiel looked surprised though Sam wasn't sure if it was because she didn't think of it or that a 'stupid hairless ape' thought of it first.

"If she looks all over the city but a certain part is blocked then we know it's covered in angel sigils to keep her out." The angel looked at him for a moment contemplating before disappearing.

"And five, four, three, two, one." Dean counted.

"I found it." Rachmiel smiled reappearing in the car quickly grabbing the map from Sam and pointing to the south-west part of the city. "Just outside the city, I couldn't get very close but it's near a very small section of forest."

"Perfect, saves us time. Might actually make it back in time for the super bowl." Rachmiel gave a bit of a cough and tapped the marker against the map. "I said we might even make it back in time for the super bowl."

"You certainly won't be looking for Castiel that long…"

"I sense a but coming."

"I'm being called to duty."

"And that means?"

"It means I won't be able to take care of Castiel if he is injured."

"Hey now you didn't say anything about that. You said find him, not play babysitter."

"I didn't expect this to happen."

"Well tell them that you're busy! They won't give you a pass to help out Castiel?" Sam jumped in hitting his brother on the shoulder so he'd slow the car down.

"To be honest I think that is why I'm being given a new assignment."

"We had a deal!" Sam grabbed the map back and threw it on the front seat.

"Well I'm making you a new deal." Rachmiel snapped. "I agreed to come back once Sam, just once. You want that sigil to keep working then you keep Castiel safe." She was gone before either of them could argue anymore.

* * *

><p>When they finally reached their destination they were exhausted but still so furious at Rachmiel that they eagerly began their search. What Rachmiel describe as a small forest was barely a couple dozen of trees behind some shitty abandoned houses. Dean didn't have to walk ten feet before he started seeing carvings and chalk outlines to ward of any angels.<p>

They saw some junkies in the first building and skipped it leaving only three other houses. They didn't look much in the first one, as soon as they walked in they saw that is was empty and more importantly didn't have wards inside it. Same with the middle house. When they entered the last one they saw that nearly every available wall was covered in symbols, it was basically a less creapy replica of the hell house from way back when. Enochian, Hebrew, Sanskrit, it looked like whoever had Castiel was covering all their bases.

They went straight to the basement, knowing from experience that's where you keep a hostage. It was the same as upstairs all covered in seals, no windows, dirt floor, a perfect place to keep someone hidden. It was empty though; no angels or demons and Dean had already turned around to head back up the stairs when Sam pointed to the far wall. Some one was smart enough to move an old dresser in front of the door but dumb enough to not pack the dirt back down there were drag marks. Sam put his gun away and pushed against the dirty dresser till it slid away from the wall.

They both paused before entering, drawing their guns up and ready to take on whatever was on the other side. No one attacked them though, behind the door was a room that was barley a few square feet. It was pitch black but because of the tininess of the room they quickly found the light bulb hanging in the center of the room. Light flooded the small face illuminating the bloody corner that Castiel was passed out in.

"Cas!" Dean rushed to his side not expecting to find the angel in such a state. He tried to shake him awake but Castiel barely moved and Dean found his left hand covered in blood. He quickly ripped open Cas's dress shirt to find the source of the blood, on his side was a long deep cut starting just right of his navel and stretching all the way over to his side. Around the wound it looked like someone had scribbled Enochian writings in black marker, Dean had smudged it when he tried to rouse Cas awake but it looked like there had once been a bloody handprint pressed over the wound.

"Uh, Dean?" Dean looked up to where Sam had his flashlight pointed at and saw the dirty walls covered in writing. Not symbols or seals but actual writing covered every square inch of the walls, starting in a deep black and fading to grey as the marker began to run out.

"What the hell is that?"

"_My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest._" Sam ran his finger along the wall as he read from it. "It's the book of Psalms, I think he wrote the entire thing out."

"Well good thing he wrote down something useful instead of crap like, _sorry for being a dick_ or _by the way the demon who took was named_…" Dean slipped his arm behind Castiel's back ready to pick him up when the other man grounded. "Cas? Hey, Cas can you hear me?"

Dean was kind of relieved that Cas was okay though he reasoned it was because he didn't want Rachmiel to freak and stop helping Sam. He was actually just about laugh and ask Cas what kind of idiot writes bible verses on walls when the angels eyes snapped open and his fist flew at the hunter's jaw. Dean was knocked back by the force while Castiel tried to push himself up of the ground. Sam took a step towards Cas hoping to calm him but Cas took one look at him tripped over Dean's body in panic.

"There are two of you?" He choked out his voice sounding gruffer then usual.

"The fuck?" Dean swore rubbing his jaw while Sam helped him to his feet.

"I'm s-sorry. I didn't mean…" Cas stuttered trying to crawl backwards as best he could with only one arm. He stared up at the brothers completely terrified like Lucifer himself had walked in.

"Cas," Sam said calmly too confused to be angry at the man that tore down his walls. "don't you know who we are?"

"I know who you look like." He gulped. "You said you were leaving."

"Damn it Cas, I'm not having another 'I'm really me' conversation again." Sam flinched at the comment knowing it was partly directed towards him.

"I do not…you…" Cas began to mumble finally feeling the consequence of being so active with such a deep wound. Dean and Sam didn't have time to catch him before his body went limp and he slumped to the floor.

There was a tiny part of Dean's brain that protested putting a bloody Cas in the back seat of his car. He ran his hand over the steering and assured his baby he'd clean her up as soon as they found a hotel. The closest one was frankly not much better then the room they found Cas in but they needed to check his wounds before they had a dead body on their hands.

They dumped Cas on the bed and stripped him of everything but his underwear and Dean noticed for the first time his trench coat was no where to be seen. The gash on his side was the worst but hardly the only injury. Bruises and cuts where littered across his body some mostly healed others pretty fresh. Dean knew his left shoulder was dislocated and guessed his upper arm was fractured if not fully broken. "Okay I can work with this."

"What should I do?"

"Go clean up the back seat before it stains. Get food, _good food_" He tossed a towel at Sam who shrugged and went outside. Dean surveyed Cas's body trying to figure out where to start, he decided to fix his shoulder first since it was easiest. He sat down next to Castiel and placed one hand on his chest and the other gripped his shoulder. He gave it a quick jerk, popping it back in place and the quick motion was enough to rouse Castiel out of his sleep with an ear piercing scream. "Quiet you want everyone to think there's an axe-murderer in here?"

"Dean?" he asked holding his shoulder in pain and looking suspiciously at the hunter.

"Here you need this to support your shoulder." Dean tied an old rag around Castiel's neck forming a sling for Cas's injured arm. He tried to ignore the intense look Castiel was giving him, like he was trying to decide if he should run or not. He felt slender fingers slide against in cheek and poke his chest. "Will you stop that?"

"Where are my clothes?" Cas asked finally convincing himself that Dean was actually there.

"I needed to see what the damage was." He reached into the bag and pulled out a bottle of booze, a needle and thread. "I can't take you to the hospital but we need close that gash you have."

"I tried to heal it…" Castiel whispered looking down at the smudged writing on his torso.

"Hate to break it to you but it didn't seem to work."

"It held out long enough. The demon thought leaving me the marker would be funny instead it is the only reason I'm still alive."

"It didn't even close the wound."

"No," he agreed nodding his head "this particular sigil needs angel blood to work."

"And you're not an angel anymore?" Castiel didn't answer simply turned his head away in a mixture of shame and embarrassment. Dean dropped down to his knees next to the bed and handed the bottle to Castiel. "Guess daddy decided to knock you down a few pegs."

It was probably a low blow but Dean's sympathy was slowly wearing thin. Castiel took a swig from the bottle and handed it back to Dean who promptly poured it on Cas's side. He hissed in pain but Dean ignored him and started to sterilize the needle against his lighter's flame. "Lie down, this is going to hurt like a bitch."

Castiel slowly lowered himself down onto the bed wincing when his left shoulder grind in its socket. Dean started pushing the needle into Castiel's skin, whose hand came up to grip Dean's shoulder trying to remain silent. Every time Dean tugged to get the string through and tighten the stitch Cas's claw like hand tightened. He could feel his nails through the thin material of his shirt but would rather have that then Cas wiggling around and crying like a baby over a few stitches. It ended up taking seventeen stitches though Dean guessed a real doctor would have added more to Dean's sloppy work. Sam was really the one who knew how to stitch a man back together, but Dean thought the risk of him stabbing the needle into Cas's eye was too likely.

"Thank you." Cas managed to grit out when Dean stood up. He tossed the bloody needle into the trashcan and covered it with some tissue so he didn't freak out any cleaning ladies. Sam walked in carrying a bag and dropped it on the bed next to Castiel but didn't acknowledge the other man.

The brothers started whispering to each other discussing what their next move should be while Castiel inspected the contents of the bag. He took out a smaller greasy paper bag with a smiling cartoon man on the side. Dean and Sam were momentarily distracted by the comical sight of Cas trying to open a foil wrapped burger with only one arm. After a great amount of effort he managed to free the burger but was finding it nearly impossible to pick it up with only one hand, sauce and lettuce spilling onto the bed on his first attempt. Sam had gotten Dean a double bacon cheeseburger and probably should have mentioned to Castiel that he hadn't gotten him anything, more because of the fact he didn't think angels ate anything then out of spite. When Castiel laid the burger out on the wrapped and ate it piece by piece instead, the thought of Dean going hungry escaped his mind though, instead he watched in both fascination and disgust as wolfed down the food like a hungry street dog.

"I think we're going to need a bib." Dean handed Cas a towel to clean up the mess he had made and looked into the rest of the bag pulling out a pair of sweatpants and an over-sized t-shirt. Once Cas had cleaned himself up Dean helped him into the pants but didn't bother to do the shirt, instead taking all the garbage off the bed. "Try to get some sleep, we'll talk in the morning."

It doesn't take long for him to fall asleep, exhaustion over taking him in minutes. Once they were sure he was oblivious to world around him they sat on the two remaining beds.

"So what do we do now?" Sam asked kicking his boots off.

"Hell if I know. Make sure he doesn't bleed out till the end on month I guess."

* * *

><p>Sam had some security when he was awake, even before Rachmiel came along he could distract himself and ignore Lucifer some of the time. At night though when he was deep inside his own head dreaming of hell and burning all he could do was pray that he'd soon wake up.<p>

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy." Lucifer hummed dragging the bloody knife down Sam's torso. "Does this feel like a dream to you?"

He tried to scream but blood poured out instead, dripping down his chin and onto the devil's hand.

"Sam." He couldn't struggle, weak from blood lose and exhaustion. He could feel Lucifer's fingers pushing inside him, through the hole he had cut into Sam.

"Sam." Flames nipped at his skin, close enough that he burned and blistered.

"Samuel." Suddenly he was awake, the cool night air soothing his hot skin. Castiel sat on the bed besides Sam's, looking at him with furrowed brows and his head tilted slightly to the side. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no it's fine go back to sleep." Sam panted rolling onto his side away from Castiel.

"Is there something I can do?"

"I don't need your help."

"I could get you a glass of water."

"I don't want your help either." Castiel didn't reply and Sam tried to fall back to sleep but when he heard footsteps shuffle over to him he have a groan and pulled his thin blanket tighter around himself.

"Sam…I'm sorry. What I did was…" He paused unsure on how to finish. He placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. "I should have-"

"Don't touch me!" Sam snapped smacking Castiel's hand off him. Dean groaned slightly on the bed next to him, nearly woken up by the noise but soon settled back down.

"I only…I only want to help."

"You've down enough." He said pretending to have fallen asleep till Castiel gave up and went back to his own bed.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ow!" Castiel snapped. "You are doing that on purpose."

"Don't be such a baby." Dean was carefully trying to work Castiel's arm through his shirt sleeve. "If you'd rather go around shirtless…"

"Just be gentle." Dean could have told him that it only hurt because he kept wiggling around instead of letting Dean do it, not that it would do any good he'd only complain about Dean not knowing what he's doing. "It doesn't fit."

"I could have just let you continue wearing those bloody rags we found you in." Sam was sitting on his bed researching on his computer trying to ignore Castiel and Dean.

"You're right, I apologize. It's a very nice shirt." Dean watched Castiel look over at Sam, trying to force a smile out to the taller man. _Suck up_ he thought tying the sling around Castiel's neck, getting a little annoyed at the goodie-two-shoes routine. It's not like it changed anything.

"If we pass by a place maybe we can get you something else." He gave one quick yank on the t-shirt, making Castiel's face scrunch up in pain but Dean figured it was the quickest way to finish the job. "Why don't you go wait in the car, we'll get the bags."

Castiel nodded and grabbed Dean's car keys of the nightstand. It took him some effort to push himself off the bed but he eventually managed and started for the door. Dean watched him go, getting ready to talk to Sam about how he wasn't making this situation any easier, but then Dean's eyes started to slowly drifted down the former angel's body till they came to rest on his rear seconds before Cas shut the door behind him.

"Dude! What the hell?" he snapped turning to Sam.

"They're unisex pants."

"Unisex pants do not have 'Juicy' written across the ass!"

"It's the name of the store, it was on sale I wasn't going to waste any money on _him_."

"Look Sam," Dean sighed grabbing his bag of the table "I don't like this any more then you do. But you know angels are dicks, you really want Rachmiel to cut you off because you couldn't play nice."

"He's just so…" Sam couldn't find the words to describe Castiel. He hadn't instantly wanted to rip his head off, it wasn't till he was across the street and the cashier at Juicy Juice was giving him his change that he realized he was buying clothes for the man responsible for his 24/7 Satan vision. And Cas just kept _talking_ to him like he couldn't take the hint, worse was he'd put his hand on Sam's arm trying to get his attention and Sam could just feel his blood boil. Frankly Castiel was lucky he hadn't broken his jaw yet.

"I'd pay to see that." Lucifer chuckled next to Dean.

"It's just a month, Sam. Then he's Rachmiel's problem." Sam grumbled but followed Dean to the card regardless.

They had driven all the way to the diner before Castiel piped up that he had no shoes. Sam mumbled something suspiciously close to 'then stay in the car' before reached into his bag and tossed a pair of boots in the back seat.

"Can you put those on your by self?" Dean asked pulling his keys out of the ignition.

"I'm not a child Dean." He huffed, biting his lip in concentration as he tried to slip the heavy boots on. Dean shrugged and got out of the car waiting for the other two to follow. Sam stepped out and went straight for the inside of the diner, Dean yelled for him to wait up and he's pretty sure Sam flipped him of in response. He turned back to Cas who was attempting to walk to the dinner but had to drag his feet carefully to prevent the oversized untied shoes from slipping off his feet.

"Hold on." Dean grumbled dropping to one knee and pulling Castiel's laces tight. Castiel looked away out of embarrassment, having once been able to move mountains and was now unable to tie his shoes. Dean patted Castiel's knee when he was done and stood up walking off into the diner with Castiel close behind, albeit still with an awkward gait in the over sized shoes. In the back corner Sam had already picked a round booth, his laptop already open and typing away. Sliding in on Sam's right Dean grabbed the big yellow menu, even though he always ordered the same thing he carefully scrutinized every option. Deciding whether it was time for breakfast or lunch was proving to be a very difficult matter. It took a full two minutes before Dean realized that Castiel was standing at the front of the booth shifting from foot to foot unsure if he should sit down or not. "You have some where you need to be?"

"No..." Castiel trailed off his eyes darting over to Sam who was too engrossed in whatever was on the computer screen to notice Castiel's hesitance. When Sam had first met the angel he looked like a kid on Christmas morning and Dean remember how that had changed when Sam realized that heaven had a less then stellar opinion of him. Now Castiel was all eager to please and knew Sam, who hated just being in the same room as him, wouldn't want Cas sitting next to him.

"Just sit down." He whispered seeing the waitress come over, the last thing he needed was for Castiel to cause a scene. The young women smiled at Dean taking out her notepad ready to write down their order, she gave Castiel a once over seeing one injured arm and the slew of healing cuts along the other one. At least his face was clean it would save the brother a lot of unwanted attention. "Give me the biggest burger you got, sweetheart. Extra bacon."

"Caesar salad, dressing on the side please." Sam handed her his menu without looking up. She wrote down the brother's order then turned to Cas, her pen hovering over the paper waiting for him to order. Having not really been paying attention up until this point Castiel was surprised to look up and find the waitress's eyes on him, he straightened up and looked back but wasn't really sure what she wanted.

"Why don't you give him a number six? Make it two kid burgers instead of one big one."

"Sure, I can do that." She nodded scratching down the rest of the order and hurrying back to the kitchen.

"You're going to have to learn to act a bit more normal Cas." Laying his head in his crossed arms down on the table he lets out a deep sigh. Two days in, he counts in his head, twenty-eight to go. They sit in silence for what drags on to feel like hours before Dean hears the soft click of Sam closing his computer. He felt Sam roughly shove Dean's shoulder wanting out of the booth, he groaned being perfectly comfortable where he was but managed to get up and let Sam leave.

"He isn't happy I'm here."

"That obvious huh?" Dean snorts. Castiel's shoulder slump and Dean think he looks a lot like a kicked puppy dog. "He'll get over it."

"You think so?"

"Ya." _Not a chance in hell_ he thinks, _or heaven_ he adds. Castiel looks at him doubtfully but before he can ask anything else Sam returned. There's a loud thud when Sam dropped a large book in front of Castiel a big neon pink sticker on it reading $ 7.99. There was a statue on the cover a stone woman with long hair and wings, and angel, staring off into the distance below the gothic letters that spell out the title _Fallen_. A tiny smile breaks across Castiel's face, he thinks Sam's being nice, Dean thinks he's fucking with him.

Dean glares at Sam when he slides back into the booth, he grabs the coat Sam left on the seat between them and pulls out a white IPod. "Hey Cas, you listen to music? Sam has great taste in music, you should give it a try." Reaching across the table he shoves the ear phones into his ears and angrily taps the slick surface of the IPod, not bothering to look at what he's exposing Castiel to.

"Dude, you need to chill." He hisses when Cas dips his head down to start his new book. "We just talked about this."

"He's going to need something to do."

"What's wrong with the damn TV?" He pauses when the waitress comes to drop off their food. He squirts ketchup next to Castiel's fries, who doesn't look up from his book when he grabs a French fry and dips it in the ketchup pool. "You're being petty."

"Petty? Are you kidding me? Do you know who's sitting at that counter right now?" He jabbed an angry finger towards the front of the diner, at the empty seat next to where their waitress stood. Dean didn't see anything but he knew that Sam was probably seeing a grinning Lucifer chatting up the waitress.

"He's not really there Sam."

"I _know_ that." He stabbed his fork into his salad but doesn't eat anything. "But I didn't a few weeks ago, and when Rachmiel takes Castiel away you think she's still going to keep this seal working? Besides that doesn't even matter because it doesn't stop the nightmares-"

"You're going to bitch about nightmares now? Sammy you've been dreaming about hell a few months, try a few _years_."

"Don't get all condescending on me Dean, I dream about what happened to me, you dream about what you _did_." He regretted it as soon as he said it, Dean quickly looked away, his fist clenched till his knuckles turned white and it probably took all his self control to not deck Sam right then and there. "Dean-"

"Don't Sam."

* * *

><p>Castiel wasn't stupid. He knew he wasn't well liked, not just by the Winchesters, he knew that most of heaven would strike him down without another thought. Demons, monsters, humans, it had to have been quite a feet to some how anger nearly every last living thing in the whole universe. He saw how Sam flinched every time he heard his voice and the way Dean looked at him when he knew Sam was hallucinating again. Like he said Castiel wasn't stupid.<p>

Apparently Dean was.

Castiel didn't really know what Dean had shoved in his ear though he was sure that it was supposed to block out their conversation. Dean had touched the IPod and made the screen light up but hadn't actually turned anything on. Castiel could hear everything, he tilted his head down so it looked like he was readying, he shoved the fries in his mouth even though it made him sick so they wouldn't suspect that he was listening to him.

"You think I want a huge reminder of how I got screwed over sitting in the back of my car? Not to mention the fact he's basically a baby kitten, I mean _fuck_ he would have stared at that waitress for the next eight hours if I didn't order for him."

"I don't get why we don't just leave him at Bobby's house."

"Bobby's not going to want to deal with him any more then us. Besides you know how much Bobby hates self pity."

His eyes burned, he knew humans cried when they were upset but he wasn't sure he actually knew how to cry. His mouth was dry and the French fries only made it worse, he thought maybe his hand was shaking but Dean didn't seem to notice. He was already a third of the way through the book but had no idea what it was about just turning the pages quickly so it looked like he was reading.

Castiel tugged on the headphones pulling them from his ears, the brothers instantly fell silent like that didn't make it obvious that they were talking about him. "I need to use the…"

"Right, the bathroom's down the hall." Sam pointed to over where the dinner connected to the corner store. Castiel smiled at him and stood up, he looked over to were Sam had pointed but didn't walk towards it. Sam and Dean were still tense from their argument and waited for Castiel to leave so they could finish.

"Thank you for the book Sam." He paused before adding "I know this hasn't been easy for you." He heard Sam snort as he walked away and he wasn't even out of ear shot before they were fighting again.

"That's the understatement of the year."

"You know when Cas was going around pretending to be God, you were the one that said we could reach him. You had to convince me to help him."

"It was different then." Sam rubbed his thumb roughly over the scar on his hand. "It get's worse everyday, back then I thought I could handle it. It was tiny flashes then, now it's all the time, even with this sigil carved into me I still see him most of the day. And it _hurts_, maybe not now but as soon as Rachmiel cuts me off it will. I can feel it every time he cuts into me, I can feel the fire and the…" Sam's voice cut out remembering what a mess he was not two weeks ago.

"Hey." Dean put his hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed. "You're okay man, we'll figure something out." They ate the rest of the meal in silence re-thinking the conversation they just had. Dean knew where Sam was coming from, every time he was reminded about what Castiel did to Sam he felt his stomach twist in rage and bitterness. Each time Castiel twisted his body the wrong way his face would contort in pain and Dean could feel sorry for him thinking that he must have gone through hell during those months he was missing, it was easy to remember that Castiel used to be his friend, that he was the one that 'gripped him tight and raised him from perdition'. Sam didn't have that though, Sam had a near constant reminder that he had trusted Castiel and he betrayed him. It was a touchy subject, Dean was torn, his brother on one side and the angel who was keeping his brother sane on the other. Castiel was somewhere in the middle.

Once they had cleared there plates they flagged down the waitress and handed her the last of Dean's money. They waited a few more minutes for Castiel to return before realizing he'd been gone an unusually long time.

"A true friend's work is never done." Sam chuckled when Dean got up to go check on Castiel.

"I draw the line at having to help him take a piss." Usually he would have flipped Sam off for his comment but he was relived to hear Sam crack a joke. Dean paused before he entered the bathroom and wondered how exactly he was going to deal with the situation if he found Castiel trying to get his pants off with one hand. Water was dripping from the faucet and it looked like the men's room hadn't been cleaned in weeks. Tapping on the door of the only stall he found it empty, there wasn't a trace of Castiel anywhere. He left the washroom and quickly grabbed the arm of a woman leaving the ladies' room.

"Hey, sorry." He let go of her arm when she looked like she was about to scream for help. "See it's just my cousin he's visiting us, from uh Russia, he doesn't really understand English. I think maybe he went in the wrong bathroom by mistake. Could you just quickly go back in and ask if there's a Castiel in there?"

She gave him a suspicious look but nodded and headed back from where she came. He tried not to let his mind wander to the worst case scenario, Cas just went into the wrong room he told himself, there aren't any demons in this city. The door swung open and the lady gently shook her head giving an apologetic smile to the man who was nearly running out the door.

"Cas's is gone!" He slammed his hands on the hood of his car making Sam jump in surprise.

"What?"

"He's not in there!" He ripped open the car door ready to jump in and search the city when Sam grabbed the back of his jacket and yanked him back.

"Hold it, did you check the store or did you just find an empty bathroom and start freaking out?"

"Sam." He warned not in the mood for criticism.

"Calm down, you go check the rest of the place. I'll check the bathroom see if the EMF picks up anything."

Dean checked everywhere, not that there was much space to check over. No one had seen him, which he guessed was a good signed that he hadn't been dragged out kicking and screaming. Not that demons didn't know how to get someone to comply _We're gonna calmly walk out of here, you make a scene and I rip out the Winchesters'_ _hearts_ the imaginary demon in his head threatened.

"Dean there's no sign of any foul play here." Sam came up behind him and handed him the EMF reader so he could see for himself. "No sulfur, no signs of a struggle."

"So what he just got up and left?"

"Maybe Rachmiel got him?"

"Go back to the hotel Sammy."

"But-" The car door slammed shut before Sam could finish and soon Dean was speeding out of the parking lot and down the road. He knew damn well Rachmiel hadn't taken Castiel away, he remembered the look on Castiel's face when he smiled at Sam _I know this hasn't been easy for you_. Castiel had just _left_, he'd gotten up and walked right out the door while Dean and Sam were to busy arguing to notice.

And he knew where he went to.

Despite being, or at least having once been, an all knowing angel of the Lord Castiel was predictable. There were only a few places he would have gone but Dean remembered him turning around to look at some old abandoned church on their way to the diner. Dean didn't even bother close the door behind him when he turned the car off just b-lined it for the door that barely hung off its hinges.

"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you." He heard Castiel before he had even entered the building. He couldn't see him only broken pews and a dusty alter, he tried to be quiet as he walked over dead leaves and broken glass. "If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."

At the very front of the church Castiel on the floor, hidden by the pew his back rested on. He had his knees pulled up as close to his chest as they could go without pressing too hard on his left arm. His right hand pressed across his forehead and eyes, his head bowed, Dean thought maybe he was praying. "Remember the word that I said to you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours."

Dean coughed and Castiel probably jumped a good 2 inches off the ground at the noise. The scowl on his face made Dean want to laugh but then Castiel looked away and said "You shouldn't be here."

"Well I'm here anyways." He shrugged dropping down next to Castiel. "You ran off."

"Yes. I'm…I believe the phrase is 'I'm letting you off the hook'."

"What?"

"You don't have to look after me anymore Dean. I know you don't want to. I won't stay where I'm not wanted."

"Where exactly are you planning on going then?"

"I don't know." He looked up at what was left of the stained glass window, most of it had been knocked away only the left hand of a crucifix and a bit of halo remained. "Here I suppose."

"Right." He tried not the let Castiel see him roll him eyes. "You think Rachmiel is going to keep working on Sam if you're rotting inside a church."

"I hadn't thought of that." He admitted.

"You don't really think things through do you?" Castiel turned to look at him but Dean doesn't meet his eyes, he forced himself to think back to the diner and what Sam said.

"I really did think what I was doing the right thing." Cas whispered and Dean they weren't talking about him running off anymore.

"Then why didn't you tell me about it."

"I didn't to involve you." Cas laid his hand on Dean's knee making Dean finally look back at him. "You deserved to have a normal life."

"Normal life? Cas I have a psycho brother that I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. My life is the opposite of normal."

"I'm-"

"Sorry, ya I know, you keep saying it. _Stop_ saying it, I already told you it doesn't change anything." A pair of big blue eyes were staring up at him, he was expecting tears or another apology but instead Castiel forehead crinkled in contemplation. He looked like he was struggling with something Dean thought maybe he didn't understand the gravity of the whole situation that he was fully human, stuck in a car traveling the country with two brothers who wanted nothing to do with him. For at least a month if not for the rest of his life.

But what ever Dean thought Castiel was about to do was wrong because before Dean could blink Castiel had his lips on his. At first Dean thought that for a guy with so many injuries Castiel could sure move fast. Then he thought _what the hell?_ And then _is this some kind of joke?_ Except it didn't really matter what his mind was thinking because his hands were grabbing Castiel's waist and his tongue was slipping past Cas's eager lips. The former angel was pressing himself tight against Dean's body his good hand gripping the hunter's jacket. A whine escaped Castiel's throat when Dean broke their kiss followed by a very unmanly sound when he bit down on his neck instead. Yanking back the fabric of the ugly shirt Castiel wore Dean's tongue attacked the newly exposed flesh causing Castiel to moan and arch into the hunter.

Castiel grip on Dean tightened, pulling him back till he was lying between his legs. Dean's hands traveled up under Castiel's shirt careful to avoid the stitched wound, he groaned from the fiction of Castiel pushing himself against Dean's stiff crotch.

"Dean!" Castiel hissed, not from pleasure or anticipation but from the pain that shot through his arm when Dean leaned too far against him.

"Shit." Dean swore pulling away from Castiel.

"No, no it's fine." Castiel panted lifted his hand up to Dean's neck and attempted to pull him back. "Don't stop."

"Knock it off." Dean swatted Castiel's hand away and pushed himself to his feet. "Come on, Sam's probably wondering where we are." He didn't wait for Castiel to stand up before he headed back for the car, he didn't say anything but his mind was racing _damn, damn, damn_

* * *

><p><em>I feel like i should write at least one story where Castiel's life doesn't suck...but wow I can't believe how long I'm making these chapters, I usually write them about half this length but once I get started I just can't seem to stop. You know in the last chapter after I decided I wanted Castiel to write a book of the bible on the walls it took me awhile to figure out which one should be. At first I thought Genesis, but then figured it didn't really fit, then i thought Revelations but figured since pretty much all of season 4 and 5 were about that it was over done. Anyways so I decided Psalms was the perfect one, I was like OK so which one should Sam read off the wall? Then i randomly open my bible and the first one I see is Psalm 22, which fit Perfectly! Clearly this is a sign that God totally supports Destial. Just saying. <em>


	4. Chapter 4

The next week stretched on agonizingly slow. They didn't really have anywhere to go, Dean was hesitant to leave Castiel alone thinking he might try and run off again and he was damn useless at hunting. They were able to blow off a day shopping for decent clothes, bandages, pain killers, stocking up on salt and bullets. Once they were back in the motel room though and Castiel was in a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt Dean realized they still had two weeks before Rachmiel returned. It wasn't just that he dreaded spending that time with Castiel it was that he had to spend it trapped in a small room with the other two men.

Castiel watched a lot of television because he couldn't do much else. The first few days he didn't even really watch it just spent a solid four hours flipping through the channels like everything was too good to miss. Sometimes when they were out eating and Castiel was picking at his food he'd listen to the brother's talk and interrupt with something he'd heard on the television. He was learning how to be human from a box and wasn't doing all that great a job.

Sam dug himself into his computer. He'd spend hours hunched over his laptop then disappeared to the library claiming he had research to do. Dean knew it was bullshit, it's not like they were working on cases.

It was one week left to go, on a warm Sunday afternoon and Sam had been gone since before sunrise. Castiel sat on the ground watching the television with unblinking eyes while Dean lounged on the couch thinking about all the vampires and werewolves he wasn't out killing. He knew they should probably go get something to eat but Sam had taken the damn car and the couch was rather comfy.

"I don't understand why this man married Rebecca if he is in love with her sister."

"Humans are a complicated race Cas." Castiel turned to look at him, his eyes narrowed a bit as they did when he was thinking. Dean stiffened, the last time Castiel looked at him like that he had his lips on Dean in a matter of seconds.

"We should talk."

"No." Dean said firmly sending a glare at Castiel and sounded a lot like a cranky child.

"No, I don't want to talk about _that_." Dean sat up and looked away, his cheeks tinged red. It was a bit embarrassing that Castiel knew exactly what Dean was thinking. There was a soft squeak as the old couch shifted under Castiel's weight, Dean felt Castiel's eyes bore into him but just huffed and refused to turn. "Rachmiel will come get me soon."

"Ya, so?"

"I don't…I don't know what will happen to me." Castiel's voice was soft and unsure, this was something he obviously didn't want to talk about. "When she asked you-"

"You mean made us." He snorted.

"Fine, when she made you find me," Dean glanced over at Castiel when he didn't finish his question. Eyes glued to the floor and his fingers picking at a scab on his left wrist Castiel looked like a child that knew he'd done something wrong. "Was she angry?"

"Uh, no not really. Not at you at least, maybe at me and Sammy."

"…The last time I was taken back to heaven it didn't end well."

"Ya Jimmy wasn't very happy about that."

"Dean, what if I don't come back?" He almost said _Guess Sam will have to stop being such a little bitch_ but pats Cas on the shoulder instead. It was supposed to make him feel better and instead of making him pull away and hiss when the gesture sent a pain down his arm.

"Sorry, sorry I forgot." He leaned over and put a hand on the man's back. Dean saw the tiniest of smiles crack across Castiel's before he pulled him close and pressed his lips against Dean's. Castiel pushed him onto his back and ran his tongue over Dean's bottom lip who promptly pushed the man off him with one hard shove. "What the hell? Does your arm even hurt?"

"It always hurts."

"Not cool." Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth trying to wipe of the spit Castiel had left behind. Instead he felt the slickness of blood across his skin, looked down and found both his hand and Castiel's shirt covered in blood. "Son of a bitch Cas, do you even think before you act?"

"It's just a little blood."

"You're human now, a little blood can be the difference between dead and alive. I could have seriously hurt you."

"I don't care if you hurt me." He huffed and lifted his shirt up to look at the bloody bandages. Dean stayed silent because that's messed up and Castiel might not understand personal space but that's a far cry from whatever crazy S&M shit Cas was thinking of.

Sam walked in while Dean was changing Castiel's bandages, for someone who had been researching for several hours he hadn't brought much back. He tossed a bag of greasy burgers on the table and shoved the old bloody bandages off the table and into the garbage.

"Not having a good day huh?"

"Emotions are…" Castiel paused his face twisted in annoyance "stupid and irrational."

* * *

><p>Dean wasn't sure what woke him up, he stared up at the ceiling still feeling the pull of sleep on his heavy eyelids. The room was cool which was usually a good thing, the hotter the weather was the more nightmares he had, it was easier to feel the flames on his skin. His lips spread into a tired grin remembering the dream he was having, reliving the first night he ever spent with Alice back in high school. He had nearly fallen back asleep when he heard it, the soft moan coming from the man on his left.<p>

"Dean." Castiel panted. Dean's eyes snapped open suddenly completely awake, he quickly rolled over his back facing Castiel, this isn't really happening it has to be some kind of inception shit, a dream within a dream. Because there's no way Castiel knew how to do _that_ right? Dean certainly never taught him that part of being human and who figures it out when they're in a room full of other men or while they have a broken arm and stitches.

Maybe Dean could have ignored the sound and gone back to sleep if it weren't for the first thing he saw when he turned over was Sam, who's face was a dark pink with a pillow shoved on top of it. He glared at Dean and tried to point over at Cas without letting him know the brothers were awake. Dean shook his head and pulled two fingers over his eyes telling Sam to go to sleep.

"Dean." Castiel moaned again, they could hear Castiel grip the rough fabric of cheep bed sheets. Dean blushed his face turned a deep scarlet that matched his brother's cheeks, and really the whole situation is made worse by the fact his own brother is hearing all of it. They get into a silent battle motioning and glaring but Dean is far past the point of being too embarrassed to stop it. At this point he'd rather just wait it out, he couldn't last much longer, it's not like it could get any worse.

"Sam." Dean could've died. He just never could catch a break and Sam looked caught somewhere between insane rage and mortified. "Sam. Hot."

They both shot up in unison, Dean was still hesitant to turn around but when Sam swore and jumped off the bed he finally managed to send a look over to the groaning man. Castiel had shoved his blanket off the bed, his clothes and the sheet around him were soaked in both blood and sweat, his skin was a sickly white even though his cheeks burned bright red.

"What's going on?"

"He has a fever." Sam said as he sat by Castiel's feet and searched his bag.

"Ya I figured that part, what do we do?" Sam didn't answer or even look at Dean when he pulled out his knife and cut Castiel's shirt clean in half. Castiel barely seemed to notice as his head flopped back and forth in a useless effort to cool down. Sam cut the bandages next which were so soaked in blood that they made a squishy sound when Sam tossed them to the floor. The cut was so inflamed that Dean couldn't even see the stitches anymore having been swallowed up by the puffy flesh.

"Shit, do we need to take him to a hospital?"

"Sam." Castiel drew the syllables out sounding like a whiny child who wasn't getting what he wanted. He lifted a shaky hand a few inches of the bed but then groaned and dropped it back down as another wave of heat hit him. Sam leaned down and scooped Castiel up in his arms, he quickly turned and started walking to the bathroom. "Sam, it's hot."

"It's going to be okay."

"What are you doing?" Dean asked close behind the pair.

"I need scissors, tiny ones, like a manicure pair." He turned around, Castiel lying limply in his arms. Dean stopped mid step seeing Castiel look so pathetic, Sam's shirt was already starting to absorb the mass amount of sweat that coated Castiel's body. "Go to the Wal-Mart a few blocks over. Get the scissors, aspirin, rubbing alcohol and silk thread."

"Is he-"

"Now Dean!" He shot one last look at Castiel then grabbed his keys and left. Sam walked into the bathroom and dropped him in the bathtub, probably a bit rougher then necessary.

"It's hot."

"I know, just hold on."

"Am I in hell?" He panted attempting to push himself up but his wet hands just slide against the smooth porcelain. "Am I a demon yet?"

"No, Cas you're fine." Sam slammed his against the knob on the wall and sent an ice cold stream of water down to Cas. His eyes shot open with the change of temperature and he started to sputter but soon his body relaxed and welcomed the relief. Sam lifted the movable showerhead off its hook, ran it over the smaller man's body and soaked every inch of him. He bent dent down and shoved the plug into the drain letting the water slowly fill the tub.

"I lied…to you…and Dean" Castiel murmured every few words broken up with a shaky breath.

"Really not the time."

"You wouldn't have understood." He looked up at Sam with half lidded eyes waiting for him to say something. Sam ignored him and lef the bathroom, he grabbed a bucket by the door and went outside to the icebox. He returned to the bathroom, stray ice cubes falling behind him, he found Castiel weakly rubbing the wound on his side. "Too much blood."

"Stop that!" He dropped the ice into the now pinkish water and moved Castiel's hand away from his side. "If we don't get your fever down you could die."

"You can help me."

"I am helping you. You need to rest."

"No, _help me_." He groaned and reached for Sam. "Too much blood."

"How's he doing?" Dean called from the doorway quickly making his way to the bathroom.

"Not good." Sam grabbed the plastic bag out of Dean's hand and pulls the small pair of scissors out. He opened the packaging and reached into the water, Cas hissed feeling it's tiny blades pushing into his skin. "It's okay, I'm taking your stitches out."

Dean tossed his jacket off and kneeled next to the tub. "What can I do?"

"Lift him up." Sam pulled his bloody hands out of the tub and reached back into the bag. Dean leaned closer to Castiel and hooked his arms under the man's armpits lifting him out of the water enough to expose his wound.

"I've sinned…I was prideful…I…lusted." Dean shot a glance over at Sam who seemed to be ignoring Castiel's rambling. Which Dean was totally okay with because it wasn't really the time for Sam to be asking about the faint bite marks he'd left across Castiel's skin. "But…but…there's too much blood."

"Kinda think there's not enough blood." Dean tried to joke, hoping to snap Castiel out of his thoughts before he confessed anything more to Sam.

"This might hurt." Sam warned soaking a washcloth in rubbing alcohol and gently rubbed it alongside the inflamed gash. Castiel's body stiffened but he was too tired to do much else. Dean nearly gagged when Sam pushed on the bottom of the cut and it started to leak a whitish green substance. Sam wiped it away and grabbed a towel, flung it over his shoulder and turned to Dean. "Give him to me."

He brushed Dean away from Castiel and picked him up again careful not to make his injury any worse. Sam laid him on his bed took his jeans off before patting him dry with the towel. He took the thread and sowed Castiel back up and before Dean knew it Cas was in those stupid Juicy sweatpants again. Not long after Sam finished Castiel was passed out still sweating but too exhausted to stay up any longer.

"If his fever doesn't break soon, we'll have to him to the hospital." Sam stripped his shirt off and used it to wipe the blood that had soaked onto his chest. "You suck at stitches."

Sam fell onto his bed and was asleep in seconds, Dean tried to stay up and look after Cas but he didn't last most then twenty minutes.

* * *

><p>The motel room was beginning to becomr unbearable. Between Sam and Castiel, Dean had no time to himself outside of the bathroom. So with two days left to go and Cas still too weak from his recent fever to run away, Dean jumped in his car and was fully ready to spend the next forty-eight hours driving. Of course Sam had other plans, there was no way he was going to spend any alone time with Castiel, so he jumped in the impala right before Dean sped off.<p>

"Cas know where you're going?"

"Doesn't need to know."

"What if he runs off again?"

"Please, Cas barely even gets out of bed." He didn't look back when he pulled out of the parking lot, though he briefly wondered if all his demon proofing was still up to par.

"He'll be gone by Monday."

"Yep."

"You okay with that?"

"Of course I am." Sam made a 'ch' sound and Dean could feel him roll his eyes. "What?"

"I'm not stupid Dean." Dean didn't look over to Sam but he knew his brother was glaring at him. "I'm not blind either."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You think I didn't see the damn hickeys all over Cas?"

"I didn't-"

"Well I know I sure as hell didn't."

"Sammy." Dean's voice was harsh and full of warning. "It's not what it looks like."

"Seriously? That's the best you can come up with?"

"Nothing happened." Dean insists his foot pushed a little too hard on the gas petal.

"Yet."

"Nothings going to happen." Which Dean was one hundred percent sure of because there's just so many things wrong with Cas. Fallen angel, now human man, who raised him from hell, then stabbed him in the back. Morals might not have been Dean's strong point but even he had to draw the line somewhere.

"I get it, you know." Sam sighed slumping down in his seat.

"Huh?"

"I get the whole Cas thing. You want him to be like he was before, but sticking your hand down his pants isn't going to fix anything."

"Sam!"

* * *

><p>There were plenty of things Castiel hated about being human. Being cold, hot, thirsty, feeling pain and sadness, having nightmares and being unable to stay awake to avoid them. But being stuck in a bed for three days made everything much worse. Especially since he had been left alone suddenly, the Winchesters had jumped into their car and sped off possibly never to return.<p>

"You look unwell." Castiel heard the flutter of wings but didn't immediately recognize the woman standing at the edge of his bed. He knew he should that this was one of sisters but he was no longer connected to her or the host.

"Rachmiel?" he asked uncertainly.

"Hello Castiel." She reached over and pressed her slim fingers between his eyes. A cool wave spread across his body and ebbed the pain away, Castiel sighed feeling the wound on his side knit itself back together.

"The Winchesters aren't here."

"I know." She walked over to the table by the door and picked up the plastic coffee cup Sam had left before he rushed out the door. She took the lid off and smelled the contents, her nose scrunched up and she poured it out the window. Castiel walked over to her, enjoying how each step didn't send a shooting pain through his body. Rachmiel reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a knife, double edged and tiny but still sharp Castiel watched in confusion as she held her hand over the cup and dragged the knife across her palm. A stream of blood began to pour slowly into the cup Rachmiel rolled her hand into a tight fist and forced the red liquid out faster. "That should shut him up for a while."

"You're not taking me back are you?" Rachmiel didn't reply but Castiel already knew the answer, why else was she avoiding Dean and Sam and filling a cup up with all healing angel blood.

"Brother…there is no place for you in heaven." Castiel felt his blood turn to ice at her words. He must have misheard her but they stood in silence and she refused to meet his gaze. "Castiel we looked for your grace, but it's no where on heaven or earth. The only one who could have taken it was God."

A million thoughts ran through Castiel's mind. _That's not fair. Even Lucifer kept his grace. Why would he bring me back again just to leave me like this._ Castiel fell to the hard floor below as if Rachmiel's words had sucked every ounce of strength from his body. "No, that's no…"

"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do, it's already been decided."

"No." He repeated staring down at his hands and the way his fingers tightened and relaxed. "I still have my grace, I can feel it."

Rachmiel looked down a Castiel, who didn't glow or shine, who didn't have wings, a man no longer connected to her or the host. Just a man with slumped shoulders and eyes that glistened with unshed tears. If lying to himself made it easier to cope with his loss she decided she could let him have that. "Of course."

He didn't hear her leave too lost in his own mind to see the world around him. He pushed around inside himself trying to find the last strings of grace inside, convincing himself it was there and intact. It just wasn't working, he told himself, not right now but it was still there. "I can feel it."

* * *

><p>A burger joint was not exactly where Dean had intended to go to cool down, but Sam had insisted bars and strip clubs could not be visited before nightfall. Lunch had started off in an awkward silence the brothers still were stuck on the whole 'hicky' conversation. By the time they were driving back to the motel they'd reach some sort of understanding that they'd both back off. It was a stressful time they agreed but there was no point making it any harder on each other.<p>

"Dean!" Castiel grinded waiting by the door for the brothers to return. He lifted up his now healed arm like it was a trophy. "Rachmiel fixed me. I though now we could-" Dean's fists tightened, imagining all the dirty things Castiel might be thinking of, things that shouldn't be brought up in front of Sam "go on hunts now."

"Uh, what?" Sam didn't understand the blush that spread across Dean's face as he stuttered at Cas's words.

"We can hunt now."

"We?" Dean asked noticing for the first time that Castiel is fully healed but there isn't a trace of angel in the room. "Where's Rachmiel?"

"Yes…about that." Sam ignored the two, Castiel was still stuck with them he didn't care whatever excuse Heaven was using this time. He dropped his bag next to the door and sat down at the tiny table beside it, too small for a man his size, his knees bumped against the wooden top. Sam sighed and grabbed his cold coffee cup, silently wishing he had picked up some new coffee while he was out. He lifted the cup up deciding to finish the cold coffee and leave Dean and Cas to argue while he went to get more. "Sam, wait!"

The cup was ripped out of Sam's hand before even a mouthful had passed by his lips. It was warm and coppery, a taste Sam remembered very well and it swam down his throat like smooth scotch.

"What the hell is that?" Dean rushed to Sam's side seeing the tiny red drops that spilled onto Sam's chin.

"It's blood." Dean's eyes snapped over to him wide and angry before Castiel clarified. "It's Rachmiel's, she left it for Sam."

Dean took a step back and looked Sam over and decided he looked ok. He was about to yell at Cas for just leaving that lying around but Castiel pushed pas him and placed both his hands on Sam's shoulders. He only stared at him for a moment searching Sam's face for any signs of change. "You should sit down."

"Why?" Sam asked feeling fine, though Dean noticed he hadn't pushed Castiel away from him, in fact he seemed almost calm in the former angels presence. Castiel started moving Sam towards the bed telling him to be calm which only succeeded in freaking Dean out more.

"Cas what's going on?

"Angel blood is very potent."

"What the hell does that mean? What's going to happen to him?"

"Nothing bad." Sam lied down on the bed and looked around him, nothing had changed but everything seemed more…intense? It was hard to describe, the colours were vibrate and he could see _everything_; dust particles, the exact number of freckles on his brother's face, how the pattern on the wallpaper was really a million tiny yellow dots.

"Whoa."

"Is he high?"

"That is one way of putting it."

"What is that?" Sam closed his eyes and concentrated on the noise that filled the room, soft whispering, like a mother signing her baby to sleep only with many voices blending into one.

"You can hear my brothers signing, Sam." Castiel placed a hand gently over Sam's eyes. "It will pass."

"This is freaking great, how long is it going to last?"

"A few days perhaps less."

"Life is just so…Whoa." Both men turned to look at Sam whose face was stretched out in a big puppy dog smile.

"He's going to be like that the whole time?"

"No this part will pass once he get's used to feeling."

"You never acted like this."

"I was made with this power, I had never known anything different." He looked away from Dean and quietly added "It's much more difficult to _loose _that power."

Sam stayed in his _whoa_ phase for a few more hours before it slowly started to fade. As the sun began to disappear behind the horizon Sam grew eerily quiet, Dean thought he had slipped into a coma. Castiel insisted he was only listening, though he wouldn't explain what Sam was listening to. At least Sam looked peaceful, Dean was glad his brother would have a few days off from the messed up world they kept having to save. They watched TV after Castiel assured him that everything was fine and Sam was only going to lie there and listen to the heavenly chorus. Every time Dean looked over at Sam, Castiel would tell him there was nothing to worry about. Eventually Dean became so frustrated, because worrying was all Dean ever did when it came to Sam, he shoved a couple quarters in Castiel's hand and told him to go outside and get a soda. He looked a bit relieved to leave the room, Dean thought he must be worried about Sam two and had just tried to put on a strong face for Dean.

Each coin made a tiny ching as it as popped into the machine and Castiel scanned the various buttons unsure of what drink to get. Dean drank Coke, Sam liked Orange Crush but Cas had never had a carbonated beverage before.

"Go with Pepsi, not enough people drink Pepsi." Castiel jumped in surprise at the soft voice behind him, turning to see a young woman flipping a coin in the air. She was dirty, hair unbrushed and covering an unwashed face, dressed in ragged over size clothes. Basically a typical resident of the motel. Castiel smiled nicely and nodded pressing the button marked _Pepsi_, it tumbled out into the slot of the machine. He picked up the cold bottle and moved away from the machine so the women behind him could use it, gave a tiny nod and started walking back to the room. "You should tell Dean to get the impala detailed, it's starting to look run downed."

"You're…you're friends with Dean? Are you a hunter?" She didn't look up from the machine as she pushed the coins in, only smiled. A smile Castiel recognized, one that twitched before it stretched out into a grin, the way she ran her tongue over her teeth when she finally turned to face him. "You."

"You know I was worried you wouldn't recognize me." She ran her dirty hands over the soft curves of her body obviously still a bit unused to them. "I got this brand new meat suit, I have some deals to make, figured they needed a woman's touch."

"How did you-" The pop bottle fell from Castiel's hand but she was quick to grab it, twist the cap open and take a gulp.

"How'd I find you? I'll always find you. No matter where you go, I'll _always_ find you." His mind screamed at him to run but Castiel remained frozen in place and stared at the hands that only a few weeks ago spent day and night ripping apart his body. "Don't faint on me now. I'm not here to take you back to my evil lair or anything."

"I find that hard to believe."

"I'm in a deal making kind of mood."

"I don't make deals with demons."

"Not anymore at least." She grinned tossing the empty pop into the sticky garbage can. "How are the Winchesters treating you."

"When they find out you're still walking around they _will_ throw you back in the pit." He tried to keep his voice steady so she'd know he wasn't afraid of her. At least not with Dean and Sam so close behind him.

"You know I think our problem is we don't communicate. All that time we spent together, we didn't talk much, in fact you don't even know my name do you? Its Nikki by the way, at least it is right now. You know you spend a couple centuries in hell, wear a couple guy meat suits, put on a few girl meat suits, eventually you forget whether you used to be Nicolas or Veronika. Now it's just Nikki, I guess it's not really unisex, it used to be, I have to go by Nick sometimes." Castiel inched away from her, closer to the door he hoped she was distracting herself enough that he could make a break for it. "Don't bother; you'll be dead before you reach the door."

"What do you want?"

"I told you I wanna make a deal. Not really a deal I guess, let's call it an offer." Castiel probably should have told her to go to hell but the scared little human in him could just picture her taking him there with her. "The Winchesters don't like you Cas baby, you know that right? Well rest assured when they throw you out on your ass I'll be there to pick you up."

"I would die before I let you-"

"Which brings me to my very generous offer. You can save us all some time Castiel," He flinched at the way she almost hissed his name "you can end this now. You kill yourself and I'll leave you alone. I won't bring you back, it can all be over Cas."

"Suicide is a sin."

"You're worried about sinning now? Please, you don't think I know about the laundry list of bad deeds you've marked down? And let me assure you anything one of those second rate demons does to you down there, will be child's play compared to what I do to you up here." Dean called out to Castiel asking what was taking so long, Nikka smiled one last time her eyes flashed an inky black before she turned and walked away. She raised a hand and waved before she disappeared behind a corner "Think about it."


	5. Chapter 5

Life was good. This should have been a clue that something was wrong because things were never good. And even though he could hear Cas and his brother arguing it seemed like such a tiny inconvenience that he hardly noticed. Everything was so bright and there were birds signing outside, a nice harmony for the signing voices in his head. Sam felt the cool wind that blew in from the open window but he was so warm that it didn't matter.

"Dean, wait!" He heard Castiel plead before a door slammed shut. Sam felt bad for Cas because it must be hard not to have _this_, to feel connected to everything, so warm, so peaceful. Sam sighed and patted a spot of the bed next to him then rolled onto his stomach to make room, resting his head between his folded arms. Sam could feel how Castiel hesitated before the bed squeaked and shifted with the extra weight. "How are you feeling?"

Sam hummed in response not really wanting to talk, he briefly considered asking where Dean was but he knew wherever he was God was watching so he didn't care.

"I know you won't remember any of this when the blood wears off…but I'm sorry." Sam mumbled something Castiel couldn't hear and sighed again. Castiel took a shaky breath, gently placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and continued. "I killed Balthazar."

"I know." Sam opened a lazy eye and looked up at Castiel then nestled himself deeper into his folded arms. Sam didn't like this conversation it was sad and it made Castiel's heart beat too fast.

"And Rachel." Castiel choked out. Sam didn't answer, he knew that to, but he thought it was the first time Castiel had said it out loud. "I killed many of my brothers, too many. First to help you and Dean, then to stop the civil war but then…" Sam heard Castiel sniffle and wondered if he was crying, Sam had never seen Castiel cry but was too comfortable to look up again and see what it looked like. "When I went back to Heaven after I opened the door, there were angels that begged for forgiveness and mercy but I killed them anyways."

"And?" Sam whispered knowing Castiel wasn't done.

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid of that demon, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid I can never repent for my sins, that I'll never see Heaven again."

"And?"

"There's so much more, so much you and Dean don't know. I can't tell you, I should tell you but once I do…"

"Castiel." Sam finally looked up at him when he felt teardrop splatter on his arm. "Lie down." Castiel reluctantly lowered himself onto his back and whipped the palm of his hand over his wet eyes. "Now go to sleep, when you wake up everything will be okay."

* * *

><p>"Something's wrong." Rachmiel declared appearing on the bench next to Dean who swore and dropped his beer bottle which shattered on the concrete below.<p>

"What the hell?"

"Castiel, there's something wrong with him."

"Ya, I know. Heaven told him to fuck off and die."

"I _did not_ say that." She snapped.

"Sam is back in the motel high off angel juice, in case you were wondering."

"I was under the impression that humans didn't drink cold coffee so I didn't think it would be a problem."

"Whatever." Dean wasn't in the mood to argue, Dean was in the mood to get drunk and he'd just sent the last of his six pack to shatter on the ground. "What's up with Cas?"

"When I healed him it was like he…" She struggled to find the right words "he resisted me for a moment."

"Why would he do that?"

"I don't know." She said it like it should be obvious, why else would she be here talking to Dean. "You've spent more time with him them me, how has he been acting?"

_I don't care if you hurt me._

"Uh, normal I guess, considering."

"He insisted he still had his grace." Rachmiel tapped her fingers against her knees she looked nervous, unsure.

"River in Egypt." Rachmiel looked at him confused so he clarified "Denial."

"Right, well, call me if anything changes." She was gone before Dean could turn and yell at her that she had clearly promised to take Cas back after a couple weeks.

"Friggen angels." He grumbled and walked back to his car deciding it was about time to head back. He didn't know why he even took the impala, he'd only driven down the street and considering the amount of booze he'd bought, walking would have been a better idea. He looked at the bottle of Jack in the back and had to remind himself that his brother and Cas were all alone to stop himself from chugging it back.

When he reached the motel door he took a deep breath not really wanting to deal with everything on the other side. What was on the other side was not what he had expected, he saw Castiel on the bed with Sam, his head rested on his brothers shoulder. Anyone else would have seen two men who had fallen asleep somewhere that just happened to be the same bed. But Dean didn't think of that, Dean could only think of how Castiel had jumped him twice before, the way Rachmiel said _Castiel, there's something wrong with him_. He could only think how his brother was in some hippy 'we're all connected' delusion and he wouldn't have said no if Castiel pushed. Suddenly everything he'd been holding back everything the past couple of weeks came flooding back.

"Castiel!" He shouted and slammed the door. Castiel jumped to his feet startled by the loud noise he looked around scared and bewildered but then he saw Dean and relaxed, even smiled, not seeing the enraged look on his face.

"Dean." He breathed placing hand over his still erratic heartbeat.

"Get out."

"W-what?" Castiel stuttered his eyes growing impossibly wide.

"Get. Out. Now." Dean bit out clearing the space between them in only a few strides. Sam looked up at Dean, not in guilt like Dean had expected but in curiosity, Castiel looked at Sam as well hoping for help but he just laid his head back down.

"No. No Dean I can't-"

"I don't care." Dean shoved him back into the night table his rage getting the best of him. Castiel didn't feel any pain though because his mind was somewhere else, with Nikki, _I'll be there to pick you up_. His side ached remembering the feel of the knife as it slid past skin into muscle. Needles, broken bones, the hissing sound skin makes when something hot touches it. Things that should be totally innocent like children's baseball bats and cheese graters that now made Castiel flinch. And Dean was throwing him out, Dean was making him go back to that.

"The demon's out there." Sam had meant to say it to Dean, to calm him down and remind him what Castiel was afraid of. To Cas it sounded like a threat, Sam was antagonizing him, mocking him.

"No, Dean, please no." Castiel dropped to his knees, not even begging, he groveled. Cas grabbed at Dean's jeans, he sobbed and pressed his forehead against the rough toe of Dean's boots. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know what I did. I won't do it again. Don't send me back. I can't- I can't-"

His voice broke, his sobs turned into gasps till his whole body shook. Dean looked down at Castiel who some how managed to cry as he hyperventilated. Sam had pushed himself up onto one arm and stared a Dean with lazy eyes.

"What are you so mad about?" He said it like he knew, like Dean was a stupid child that didn't understand his own emotions. His anger suddenly melted away because when he really thought about it, what was he really angry about? Cas might have been eager to please but Dean found them totally clothed and he knew that Sam could barely move anyways. So maybe he was just angry for the sake of being angry.

"Cas, get up man." Dean sighed and ran a nervous hand through his hair when the man didn't budge. Dean bent down and grabbed Castiel's shoulders and dragged him to his feet. A heavy pain shot right through Dean's chest and a sharp twinge of guilt after it when he saw Castiel's tear stained face, complete with red eyes and a quivering lip. "Don't freak out okay? You're fine, you don't have to go anywhere. I'm uh, I'm sorry."

Castiel might not have understood that Dean Winchester just apologized and that that was a pretty big deal. All he understood was that he'd bought another day where he was safe and he launched himself at Dean wrapping his arms tightly around his chest, sobbing into his neck.

"Hey now, you're okay." Dean arms hung awkwardly at his side unsure if he should return the hug or not. Sam had moved onto his back and was wiggling his fingers a few inches in front of his face, he'd be no help. Castiel mumbled thanks into Dean's skin, the vibrations tickled but somehow made Dean feel even worse. "You're okay, Cas. Everything's okay."

And it was, in a messed up way, the only way the Winchesters knew how. By the time the sun had set the next night Sam had 'sobered' up enough that he no longer stared at things like he had x-ray vision. Which Dean thought was freaking fantastic because that meant that they could _finally_ get out of that freaking motel room. Of course they were only driving as far as another hotel room, something on the way to Bobby's but Dean was damn ecstatic that he was going to spend six hours in his car.

Parts of Sam were still a little airy he spent a lot of time staring out the window and hummed some pop song that made Dean's ears hurt. "You know…" Sam mused picking at a loose string on his sleeve "I don't think we've actually told Bobby about Cas."

"…Shit."

"It's fine Dean I can just-"

"Oh don't be such a drama queen, I'll call him when we get to the motel."

"It's fine…"Castiel drifted off his eyes slipped shut before he shook himself awake. Dean looked at him in the rearview mirror and chuckled with the memory of Sammy doing the same thing when he was a kid. Castiel had been dozing off for a little under an hour but refused to go to sleep, Dean thought he might want to keep an eye on Sam till the angel blood completely wore off.

"Just go to sleep."

"No, I'm fine." He mumbled but a few seconds later his head had fallen back onto the seat. Dean waited till he was sure Castiel was asleep before he nudged Sam out of his la-la land.

"So uh yesterday, you and Cas-"

"Nothing happened." Sam said his lips turning up in a small smile

"Yet." Dean looked over at Sam and they both laughed. "So you two good now?"

"He's okay." Sam mused running his finger across the fogged up window leaving squiggly lines and smiley faces. "If it was a choice between him and Becky, he'd have an easy win."

"Crowley would have an easy win." Dean snorted. "And stop messing around with my windows you're getting them all smudged."

They pulled into the motels parking lot around seven that night, three star this time because Dean spoiled Sam. Two beds only so Dean had to drag an ugly worn out cot into the room. The best part was when Dean left to get dinner he didn't spend the whole time worrying that he'd come back and find a dead body.

"You know it's too bad I didn't eat anything while I was high." Sam laughed unwrapping the greasy burger Dean brought him and graciously decided not to remind Dean it wasn't what he ordered. "This might have tasted part way decent."

"You can't improve on perfection." Dean grinned with a mouth full of beef. Castiel didn't say anything almost gleeful with the fact he know had two hands with which to shovel food into his mouth. "Slow down dude you're going to chock."

Castiel tried to say something but when bits of food tumbled down his chin he just shrugged and continued eating.

* * *

><p>"Cas, what are you doing in my bed." Dean didn't have to open his eyes to know it was Castiel, beside the fact that if anyone else crawled into his bed it be to rip his heart out and not to cuddle, Dean inhaled a smell that was distinctly eighty percent fallen angel and twenty percent someone who's been eating to many cheeseburgers.<p>

"Shhhh," Castiel soothed gently running his thumb across Dean's jaw "I'm not going to do anything."

"Gee that's reassuring." He yawned finally convincing himself to open his eyes and wake up. "You got candy in your van too?"

"No you don't let me eat when we drive." Castiel pushed himself closer to Dean, his head rested under Dean's chin and one leg curling up slightly over the hunter.

"What's going on Cas?"

"I'm trying to sleep."

"Ya but why don't you try and sleep in _your_ bed."

"My life as a human has, so far, been less then enjoyable."

"So?"

"So I thought I'd enjoy something for once."

"Right and the other two times didn't count because?"

"I'm not flirting with you Dean. I'm just trying to sleep."

"Sam-"

"I'll wake up before Sam does." Castiel interrupted sounding annoyed by all of Dean's questions. Dean tried to think of what possible reason Castiel could have for wanting to curl up against him, instead of doing actual 'enjoyable' things, but Dean figured it must be to late for burgers and liquor stores. He should have told Castiel that Dean only tolerated cuddling to get laid but by the time he thought of it Castiel was already asleep and had his arms wrapped around Dean in a death grip.

Castiel was awake before Sam, in fact he was the one that woke Sam up. A nice peaceful sleep was interrupted by the high pitch ring of Sam's cell phone, mere inches from his face Sam almost wacked it away in annoyance. Castiel coughed and held it closer to Sam when he didn't take the phone.

"You answer it." Sam groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.

"It's Bobby…"

"It's Bobby." Sam mocked in a voice that was far too high to be imitating Castiel, but he grabbed the phone anyways and answered it on the last ring. "Hey Bobby."

Castiel went back over to Dean who was had his head shoved under a pillow that was too thin to muffle his snores. Lifting the pillow didn't wake Dean and neither did shaking him or tugging at his shirt.

"Dean, it's time to wake up." He just scrunched his nose up and pulled the pillow over his head again.

"There's a demon outside." Not even a reply.

"Sam's been kidnapped." Castiel sighed.

"I bought pie."

"Lies." Dean finally said moving the pillow just enough to peak up at Castiel. "Don't lie about shit like that Cas."

"You need to get up."

"You need to get up." Castiel was amazed at how Sam and Dean both used the same squeaky voice when they imitated him.

"Stop that."

"_Stop that_."

"You're being childish Dean."

"_You're being childish Dean_."

"Okay, okay you two." Sam chastised stepping between them and ripped the covers off of Dean. "He's right you got to get up, Bobby called he wants us to check something out before we hit the road."

"I don't suppose it involves a haunted strip club does it?"

"No Dean, Bobby wants us to go down to the coroner's office. A hunter just died and he wants us to make sure it was a normal heart attack and not a ghost or anything."

"Ya, ya, ya, I'm up." Dean sat up and stretched rubbing his eyes till they adjusted to the morning light. "Don't suppose we still have that FBI badge I made for Cas?"

"Actually I'd rather stay here."

"What why?"

"I'm sure you'll find this hard to believe but I do not enjoy spending hours on end in a car."

"Wha-"

"I used to be able to travel the world in seconds."

"Its fine, you can stay here." Sam assured him, jabbing his brother's side with his elbow before he could go off on a rant about the awesomeness that was his impala. "As long as nothing supernatural is going on we'll only be gone for an hour or two."

They'd left all their belongings in the car too tired to bring anything in last night, so Cas went to get a change of clothes and the book Sam bought him, along with Sam and Dean's suits. Once the brothers were changed they were ready to head out promising to return with lunch and _real_ pie.

"Wait, I have something for you." Castiel said as Dean headed for the door. He let Sam through then waited in the door way watching Castiel as he searched through the small plastic bag that held all his belongings. "Here."

Castiel placed a leather bound book in Dean's hands that had _Holy Bible_ written in gold across it. It had small blue paper strips sticking out from between the pages marking something Castiel must have though was important. "Uh thanks but you know we have tons of these in the car."

"I know but I highlighted some things for you. I thought it would help…" Castiel shifted from foot to foot his eyes darting down to the floor. Dean realized this was probably the first thing Cas had ever given anyone and he ran his thumb over the worn cover to try and show appreciation.

"Where'd you get this?"

"It was in a drawer at the other motel."

"You _stole_ a bible?"

"It's not stealing if it's free." Castiel huffed and reached for the book. Dean stepped back out of reach and held the book close to his chest.

"Thank you." He grinned tapping the books cover "I don't have New World Translation yet. I'll put it in the front seat even instead of tossing it in the back with the others."

"You're welcome." Castiel looked over Dean's shoulder at Sam who tapped his watch telling them to hurry up. "Take care of it, it's the only thing I own."

"That's not true, you have those Juicy pants."

"Dean."

"Don't worry I'll make sure Sammy doesn't dog ear any of the pages. See you in a couple hours."

"Goodbye Dean."

Dean was pretty happy to have a job to do and it was nice to talk to Sam about something that didn't involve Lucifer. Even though the job was a bust and the poor guy had succumbed to high blood pressure instead of ghost or demons. It was probably the best forty-five minuets of his entire months and was about to end with pie so it couldn't get much better.

Sam was inside the fast food joint while Dean waited in the car, flipping through Castiel's bible. He'd highlighted two passages a dull green one in Philippians and on in Hebrews. The first one Cas had only highlighted half the verse _But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead_. Then he flipped over to Hebrews where Cas had marked _Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many_. Both of which meant a whole lot of nothing to Dean. He thought _great_ and dropped the book on the seat next to him and tried to figure out how he was supposed to act interested when Cas inevitably asked him how he liked his gift.

"They were out of bacon." Sam said while he dropped the food a little too close next to Cas's bible. "Hope you don't mind a regular burger."

"Hey as long as the pie's nice and hot." Dean shoved his keys into the ignition and grinned at the loud purr his baby made. He turned down the street and headed back to motel.

"I can't believe you want to eat all this right after that hunter died of a heart attack."

"You're lucky it was just a heart attack Sammy. Going on a job without your gun, what if we got jumped by something?"

"I told you I just left it at the motel. Like you've _never_ forgotten your gun before."

"Of course I've never forgotten my gun. Who just leaves a gun lying around?"

* * *

><p><em>Dun dun duuuuuun.<em>

_So yesterday my sister and I decided to watch Karla again because we missed Misha so much. That was kinda a bad idea because she'd never seen it before and she found it very disturbing. And then I realized that the only thing separating me and Paul is a 45 min drive and the last 5 years of a life sentence, which then got me all creeped out as well..._

_One week till episode 7x17! I'm so incredibly excited that I even looked up the spoilers which I totally regret because now I wont be surprised._

_And I really should be studying or working on my essay but we're getting close to the part I've been **dying** to write so I'm going to have to try **super** hard to stop updating my stories until Sunday :s. Which is a lot harder then I thought._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Playlist: Give me Novocain**

The door was locked, and neither of the brothers had thought of grabbing a key. Dean silently cursed Castiel for his paranoia, no one was getting in that room with all the demon proofing he'd put up. They waited a few minutes figuring Cas was showering or had fallen asleep while they were gone. When there was still no answer Dean banged on the door and Sam tried to peek in through the windows but found the curtains drawn tight. After another five minutes had passed Dean started to worry and grabbed his lock picking kit from the car. When the door opened, a first Dean was relieved, Castiel was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and his head tilted to the side. He looked like he was sleeping and it wasn't till Dean was closer that he saw the gun that rested in his lap.

"What the hell?" Castiel's weak grip tightened slightly around the black metal and his eyes slid half way open.

"You're home early."

"What's with the gun Cas?" Dean and Sam both kept their distance not sure what was going on. Castiel gave them both a weary look before his eyes closed again and his shoulders relaxed.

"It's okay Dean." He let out a heavy sigh. "It's all going to be okay now."

"Castiel what's going on?" Sam stepped closer but stopped when he saw Castiel place his finger against the trigger.

"Cas, give me the gun." Dean asked slowly and roughly shoved his brother back

"Why did you loose yours?" Castiel lips pulled into a lazy smile but the joke was lost on the other men. After a few moments of silence Castiel cracked one eye open and placed the gun on the floor, sliding it across the room over to the brothers. Dean took a few hesitant steps towards Castiel still not entirely certain what was happening and Sam bent down to pick his gun up. Something glinted in the corner of his eye when he grabbed the gun and he looked under the table at the tiny bit of plastic that had been discarded.

"Dean." Sam looked up at his brother then back down to the empty orange bottle in his hand. Big blue letters spelt out 'Vicodin' across the top and below it the name 'Joseph Opani' the fake name they'd written on a stolen prescription pad to get Castiel the pain medication when he still had the gash in his side.

"Cas what did you do?"

"It hurt at first." He rubbed his thumb weakly over his stomach remembering when he'd nearly thrown up the pills. "But it's okay now. Everything's okay now."

Dean dropped to his knees and grabbed Castiel's face between his hands, trying to get the unusually calm man to look at him. Castiel's skin was cold and clammy, now that Dean was close he could see the wide black of his pupils and the yellow tinge in the whites of his eyes. Dean had tossed the pills in the trash after Rachmiel had healed Castiel and he realized, suddenly feeling sick, that Castiel must have dug them out when no one was looking. Castiel had planned this, he'd been planning it for days just waiting for a time when they'd leave him alone. "Why? Why the hell would you do this?"

"You have to understand," Castiel said his lips slow moving and his words slurred "I'd wait for you, everyday with Nikki, I'd wait for you to come find me."

"What are you talking about, who's Nikki?" Dean shook him, harder then he should have and shot a desperate look at Sam who was on his cell telling the paramedics to get their asses over there quickly.

"I wouldn't have any hope in the pit; no angels, no hunters, I can just give up there." Dean let go off Castiel and his head flopped to the side, Sam walked over to his brother and looked down at Cas wondering if there was anything they could do till the ambulance arrived. "It'll be okay Sam."

"I swear to God Cas, if you say it's going to be okay one more time I'll-" Dean stopped himself when he heard the sirens outside rushing towards the motel. Sam went outside to lead the paramedics inside while Dean stayed by Cas suddenly feeling useless. Then the slow movement of Castiel's chest stopped and for one terrifying second Dean thought the paramedics had come too late. Dean dropped to the floor and there was a loud _crack_ when he hit Castiel so hard it snapped him awake. He took a shaky breath and his eyes fluttered open but then closed shut again when he groaned feeling the tiniest pain in his cheek through the haze of vicodin. "Come on man, you gotta stay awake."

Castiel's lips barely moved, like he wanted to say something but no longer had the energy to do so. Dean didn't notice the two men in black uniforms come in and didn't resist when they pushed him back to get to Cas. Sam pulled Dean to his feet and moved him back to give the paramedics some space. They lifted him up onto a gurney, checking for a pulse and listening to his shallow breathing. "What's his name?"

"Joseph." Sam answered handing the empty bottle to one of the paramedics as the other pushed Cas and the gurney outside. "Is he going to okay?"

"We're taking him to St. Ivy's Hospital, you can follow behind us." He ignored Sam's question and headed out the door following his partner into the back of the ambulance. It wasn't till Dean was in the car and Sam was speeding down the road behind the ambulance, that Dean snapped out his daze. It suddenly hit him that the if Sam and him hadn't found Castiel when they did that they would have come back to a dead body, that there was still a chance that Castiel wouldn't even make it to the hospital.

"I wanted him to come with us." Dean growled feeling a hot rage rise up from his chest. "You told him to stay. It was your idea to leave him alone."

"Dean he's going to be fine."

"Fine? He just swallowed a whole bottle of pills and you think he's going to be fine?" Sam didn't answer him, he knew it would be pointless, knew every time Dean played the blame game it always ended with him blaming himself anyways. He focused on the road, the red and blue light on the ambulance and the blare of the siren while Dean gritted his teeth and focused on not punching his hand through the car window.

By the time the car was parked and they were in the waiting room, Castiel had already been taken through the doors and the nurses wouldn't let them follow. Sam was sure Dean was going to knock one of the interns out when he told him that he was causing a scene but he just swore and moved away from the ER doors. Sitting in an old worn out chair Sam watched as Dean paced back and forth, his hands shoved in his jacket, he put the other patients on edge and one of them mumbled something about psych patients.

"I should have seen this coming."

"There's nothing you could have done."

"Bull, he was too damn happy, when has Castiel ever been happy? It should have been obvious."

"Dean…" Sam looked at the other people in the waiting room and considered the implications of talking about Castiel in front of all these people. "You know we can't do this right?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Castiel is sick, Dean. We're like the poster children of shoving our problems down and ignoring them, but Castiel can't do that, he doesn't know how. There's no way we can help him if we don't even know how to fix ourselves."

"What are you saying?" Dean stopped passing but still lingered near the ER doors.

"We need to convince Rachmiel to take him, she-"

"Are you insane?" Dean snapped.

"Look Dean, we can protect Cas from demons easy and we can leave him in a hospital and maybe they can protect him from himself. Rachmiel's the only one that can do both."

"So you just want to toss him away like he's garbage?"

"It's not like that." Sam stood up, walking over to Dean and dropped his voice down to a whisper so no one else could hear. "I tried to kill him Dean, I stabbed him right in the back."

"Sam what-"

"Let me finish. I had no idea that Cas had turned dark side, for all I knew he was telling you and Bobby that he was going to fix my walls and return all the souls. All the shit going on in my head after the walls came down, I couldn't hear anything, I could barely even see anything, but I saw Cas and…I was so _angry_ and I wasn't thinking so I just grabbed the knife and stabbed him."

"I don't understand…"

"I'm telling you this because…" Sam swallowed and bit down hard on his lips, knowing what he wanted to say, not quite sure how to say it, even less sure if Dean would listen to him. "Look Dean, Cas screwed up but I did to, maybe both of us even. I did…bad things when I didn't have a soul and I didn't want to remember any of it. I blamed Cas, not just for the memories of hell but for _all_ the memories and maybe part of me still blames him. But that doesn't mean I'm saying all this because I'm angry at Castiel, I'm saying this because I know we can't give Cas the help he needs."

Dean stood stiff as a board still on edge, waiting for a doctor to come out and tell them how Castiel was doing. He could tell this was hard on Sam though, that he would have rather not have this conversation in a room full of strangers where they could hear all about his dirty little secrets.

"Is there a Mr. Opani here?" A doctor asked pushing the ER's swinging door open and looked around the room. Sam and Dean didn't answer at first forgetting the alias they'd given the nurses and still uneasy from their conversation.

"Uh, Opani, ya that's us." Sam said and nudged Dean over to the doctor.

"Hello I'm Dr. Matthews, your…" The doctor paused lifting a few sheets of paper on his clipboard up and reading the patient's information "brother, Joseph, is in stable condition. We've given him Narcan which counteracted the effects of the overdose. Physically speaking, you found him just in time and he should recover quickly but it's obvious that this wasn't an accidental overdose. Standard procedure is to keep him a few days for a psych-eval."

"He's not crazy."

"Of course no one's saying that but for his own safety-"

"Dr. Matthews, why don't you and I talk about this alone. Can my brother go in and see him?" Sam placed his hand on Dean's shoulder seeing his firsts clench up in anger.

"He's resting but you can go in and talk to him, just try not to wake him."

* * *

><p>Castiel had waited till Dean had fallen asleep before emptying the trash can on the floor to find the discarded pill bottle. Nikki's words were still fresh in his mind and they replayed over and over again as he pretended to watch the television with Dean till he went to bed. The bottle hadn't left his sight since then, tucked away in his coat pocket or hidden away in his bag if it got to hot. When Dean sensed danger his hand always wondered over to his gun and it was the same with Cas, he'd grip the bottle tigh in his hand when ever he'd felt nervous.<p>

But he was never left alone and he knew if he simply went into the bathroom to take them, Dean or Sam would just kick down the door and stop him. Then he finally got a chance when Bobby called. When Cas gave Dean his bible he couldn't look him in the eye, his heart pounded knowing it be the last time he'd ever seen the Winchesters or anyone else for that matter.

"Goodbye Dean."

Honestly he'd almost chickened out, a few minutes after he'd swallowed the last of the pills his stomach twisted and pulled like it was on fire. He'd nearly torn his bag open trying to find the phone Dean left him so he could call someone but found Sam's gun lying on his bed instead. Like some kind of sign from God, offering a small promise of relief, he had the gun cocked and his shaky hand lifted up to his temple till he was hit with a wave of nausea. He'd rush to the bathroom, though a part of him knew the futility of trying to keep the carpet clean if he was going to splatter it with brain matter later. He'd spent a good ten minutes bent over the toilet, one hand still gripped the gun and the other one gripped the white porcelain. He heaved and coughed till his eyes watered with the effort but nothing could force itself out, at that point though it didn't matter, even if his stomach managed to purge itself he could already feel the vicodin pumping through his veins.

His stomach finally gave up trying to push the pills out and Castiel grabbed hold of the sink and tried to pull himself up but his legs collapsed under him and he fell with a heavy thud. On shaky arms and weak knees Castiel managed to crawl out of the bathroom and deposit himself next to the door, he leaned against the wall and waited for everything to fade to black.

He didn't remember anything after that.

Castiel woke up to a white washed ceiling and would have screamed in frustration if his whole body didn't feel like soft mush. He looked around the empty room full of only needles and beeping machines. He panicked when he didn't see Dean or Sam, no even a doctor, he was totally alone and convinced any second Nikka was going o walk through that door.

"He's right in here, Mr. Opani." Castiel shut his eyes when the door opened and feigned sleep. The soft tap of shoes made it's way over to the bed, a doctor might have noticed how the beep of the heart monitor sped up the closer he got but whoever stood beside him remained stone silent.

"Damn it Cas." He heard Dean spit out. He relaxed knowing it wasn't a demon but didn't let Dean know he was awake. Castiel was tired and frankly worried Dean might just strangle him to death if he knew he was okay.

So instead Dean looked down at Castiel's seemingly unconscious form. He'd already poured his heart out to Cas once before and hell lot of good it did, so Dean wasn't about to do it again. But Castiel looked so small as he laid there, skin paper white and a smudge of black charcoal clung to the side of his mouth. He didn't understand what could have happened, for the last few days everything had been going great Sam and Cas weren't at each other's throats and nobody was high or dying. Dean wanted to yell at Castiel about how stupid he was and that Dean would have helped him if he'd only asked. He felt so useless standing next to Cas motionless body but at least he'd made a decision. God, heaven and everyone else had abandoned Cas, Dean wasn't about to this time

"Screw what Sam thinks, you're staying." Dean turned just in time to miss Castiel open his eyes and was gone before he could say anything.

"Aw, so you _can_ smile. I was beginning to wonder." It was becoming like some eternal punishment that whenever Castiel was ever given a glimmer of hope it had to be instantly yanked away from him. Nikki leaned against the extra gurney across the room clad in a cheesy nurse outfit that came straight out of a cheap porno. She must have spent several days scrubbing her vessels skin clean because now it glowed a soft pink under enough makeup to cover the scars and track marks he'd seen the last time. "Hm I know, I clean up nice, no need to drool though Angel Boy."

"You can't be here."

"Sure I can. I was fairly clear when we last talked, wasn't I? I mean I gave you an out and you didn't take it, and you had a gun too, why didn't you use it? Let me guess too much blood right? Bet Sammy wouldn't have liked picking your splattered brain out of his gun."

"The Winchester's aren't going to abandon me." Castiel snapped though his voice was still weak and hoarse. Nikki let loose a shrill laugh and pushed herself off the gurney, practically skipped over to Castiel's bed and when she saw the stern look on his face her laughter was cut short.

"Oh, you're serious." She sat down by his feet and Castiel was still too stiff to push her away. "Wow, honey, that's so adorably pathetic, I almost feel sorry you."

"You can't trick me Nikki, I heard Dean-"

"Say you were staying," She pointed two fingers down to the floor and shot Castiel a look of mock sympathy "here, as in the hospital. Sam wants you to leave with them, he needs to keep that other angel happy. But Dean, Dean has enough shit to worry about without all your tears and nightmares and suicide attempts."

"I only tried that because you threatened me."

"And you failed. Unfortunate, for you, I get a toy out of it." She reached over and grabbed a handful of Castiel's hair and yanked hard. "Let's go home."

* * *

><p>wow so this was supposed to be only like 2 or 3 pages long and for some reason it ended up being much longer. Anyways I've been waiting for the next chapter for ever and super excited to write it and even more excited to write the one after :) which leads me to a question for you guys, I was thinking of uping the rating to M and making the next chapter kind a graphic (though not to graphic don't worry) but I'm not sure if you guys want that? This story is getting like 6 times more traffic then my other stories but I wasn't sure if that was because of the rating or the subject matter. So if you're super opposed to me making this a M story just let me know with a review or PM and I shall keep it T :).<p>

Tomorrow is episode 17!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter playlist: Eyes of a Dream- Charles Manson**

When Castiel started to wake up he could feel the harsh light outside through his eyelids and his eyes scrunched up trying to block it out. He tried to tell Dean to close the curtain but his lips wouldn't move and he couldn't lift his arms either. The memories of the hospital room and Nikki came flooding back and Castiel's eyes snapped open, stinging from the brightness of the lamp aimed directly in his face. He tried to jerk away from the painful light but found his head, like his arms strapped down. He struggled against his bonds, old leather straps that held him tight in a rickety wooden chair.

"Sorry for the 'Saw' scenery, but I didn't want you running off." Castiel eyes tried to focus beyond the light at where he knew Nikki was standing but the lamp shown so bright everything around it looked like inky blackness. "Here let me get that for you."

The light switched off and Castiel could see Nikki grinning down at him, he could also see the table behind her covered with things that made Castiel's blood run cold. Nikki ruffled Castiel's hair and walked back over the table, took off the faux nurse's hat and tossed it on the floor. When Nikki picked up a big carving knife and tested its sharpness against her thumb, Castiel began to yell as best he could with the duct tape holding his lips shut. "What's that? You'll have to speak up, I can't understand you when you mumble."

He continued to yell what Nikka could only assumed were curses and threats till she finally dropped the knife and went over to the frantic man. In a swift motion she ripped the tape off and had to quickly pull her hand away when Castiel tried to bite her, being the only defensive maneuver he had. "The Winchesters _will_ find me."

"I'm counting on it." Nikki's cheerful grin left Castiel at a loss for words, his intended threat bounced harmless off her like the Winchesters were some rooky hunters. She chuckled and took a few steps back her hands wandered up to her dress zipper and tugged it down exposing the pink skin below covered in white scars she hadn't bothered to put cover up on.

"What are you-" Castiel blurted out suddenly uneasy about him being tied down to the chair.

"You didn't think you actually managed to break any of my seals did you?" She yanked off the white dress off and it crumpled on the ground. Castiel eyes widened at what laid underneath, not at the smooth curves that might have distracted Dean, but at the burns and lesions that were creeping around her right side and scattered over her stomach. "You're very special Castiel, if Crowley just wanted you dead, you'd be dead by now. As it is though he needs you alive, the tortures jus something I do to pass the time. Of course regular demons can't just heal someone, Crowley had to juice me up a bit."

"Your body's disintegrating." Castiel guessed.

"Ya, a couple hundred souls will do that to you. Of course they don't make me a power hungry God, in fact I don't really get anything from it, I spend most of it trying to keep you alive."

"If you didn't spend your time peeling off my skin perhaps you would not have that problem." Nikki laughed and grabbed a bag from under the table and dumped its contents out overtop the knives. Castiel let out a sigh of relief that the bag was only full of clothes and not more torture devices.

"The Winchesters just keep you safe when I try to find a new body." She sorted through the pile and pulled out a shirt and pair of jeans. "Unfortunately I might have spent too much time enjoying being top side and not enough time making you scream like a little girl. So we're really going to have to pick up the pace this time."

* * *

><p>It had taken Dean exactly thirty-seven minutes to convince Sam that the best place for Cas was with the two of them and it was only moments after that that two doctors stormed over to the brothers. They looked at them with glaring eyes though they tried to keep their voices calm, telling them that Castiel didn't have to stay for the psych evaluation but it was dangerous for health to leave so soon. Dean and Sam didn't wait for them to say anything else before they rushed past them over to the room Castiel was in, or should have been in at least.<p>

The doctors tried to question them on 'Josephs' whereabouts and they were lucky Dean didn't leave them with black eyes before they left for the impala. The tires screeched in distress when Dean peeled out of parking lot Sam yelling at him to slow down, that they weren't going to find Cas if Dean met a transport truck head on. Dean's already yelling for Rachmiel before he even opened the motel room door, the neighbors probably thought there was some crazy domestic going on.

"Rachmiel! Get your feathery ass down here!" Dean shouted at the ceiling but there was no reply. "Cas is gone, we don't know where he is. If you give two shits about your brother you'll come down here and help us!"

There was no answer.

If they wanted to find Castiel, they'd have to do it without heavens help.

* * *

><p>"Thirty-five."<p>

SNAP!

"T-thirty, thirty-s s six."

SNAP!

"s-stop, just stop." Castiel pleaded as his arms wobbled and he knew he couldn't keep himself up much longer.

"Oh come on we've barely even started, you know I don't enjoy this anymore then you do." Nikki whined rubbing a hand over her sore shoulder. "Dean could do this for days but I've never really been in flogging."

Castiel took a ragged breath and relished the brief moment of relief, he focused all his strength into his arms to keep them steady. Nikki sighed and walked around him, dropping to the ground in front of Castiel and laid on her back. She shoved the handle of the whip under his chin forcing his head up and the bleeding lashes on his neck stung with the movement. "Keep your head up, don't make me start over." She lowered the handle and stared at him for a few moments, to make sure he didn't drop his head back down, then laced her fingers behind her head letting the bloody whip fall on the ground. "Fucking Dean, apple of Alistair's fucking eye, like he was all that special. I spent millenniums down there, carving people up, then suddenly Dean comes and Alistair has a new favorite."

She snorted and closed her eyes, Castiel's sore neck instantly relaxed down till he heard Nikki's warning voice. "Castiel. If you can't handle this then you're not going to last long enough for Dean to find you."

"Pl-ple-pl." He tried to beg but his breath came out in heaves. Nikki eyes opened and she stupid the man, who's face was pale and lips were blue as a mass amount of blood leaked out of his back. Castiel wanted to flinch away from the hand that came to cup his cheek and slowly stoked a bloody thumb over rough stubble. But he was so tired he could only pray she was bored with him for now, or even just that she needed a few minutes to think of something new to do to him to give him some precious time to rest.

"That's all for today, get some sleep." She stood up and kicked one of Castiel's hands out form under him, he crashed down on the ground with a silent scream. "You'll need it."

* * *

><p>"You're here earlier then I thought." Nadia, or maybe Diana Dean wasn't sure which one, smiled at them, her eyes lingered a little longer on Sam then was entirely appropriate. Bobby had pointed them in the direction on two psychics that might be able to help them find Cas, two twins that were useless separately but apparently very precise when they worked together. Bobby hadn't had their number on hand and they didn't stay around long enough for him to find it, they decided to show up unannounced and if they refused to help Dean and Sam certainly knew how to <em>convince<em> them.

Except the girl in the door way stood at maybe 5'1 and couldn't have been more then a hundred pounds soaking wet. Dean had a feeling just asking for help in a stern voice would make her burst into tears. Though it looked like she was already expecting the two anyways and let them in her house without question.

"Shoes off in the house." She called behind her and disappeared into the kitchen. They took their boots off and waited awkwardly for her return both eager to get their information and get out. They heard laughter come from beyond the hallway, high and frilly, obviously the twins had company. She came back out holding a bowl full of chips and munched out of a crunchy wish chip. "Do you guys need anything?"

"Just you sweetheart." Dean winked and grinned when the girl blushed and let out a nervous laugh. Behind her a near mirror image of the girl emerged from the kitchen, this one's eyes lingered on Dean rather then his brother.

"You two are here early."

"Uh, ya we rushed here." Sam explained. The other girl nodded and went to grab the bowl from her sister but when their hands touched they both froze, first looking each other in the eyes then slowly looked over to the brothers.

"…Nadia they're not strippers, they're hunters." The second girl, who must be Diana said to her sister her gaze suddenly turned weary and Sam's eyes widened at the implication that they had thought he'd been sent by Chip and Dale.

"Oh, ya…" Nadia agreed and squeezed her sister's hand tighter, her eyes narrowed in concentration. "For the angel, uh Cas."

"Castiel, right, Bobby said you could help." Dean tried not to laugh at the blush that still stained Sam's cheeks a deep red.

"We can help." Nadia nodded suddenly too embarrassed to look Sam in the eye.

"But it's Stacy's bachelorette party!" Diana protested.

"It's important." Then they just glare at each other, Sam thought maybe there having some freaky internal conversation that only psychics have. Finally Diana looked away, huffed and went back into the kitchen. "Come on, we can do this upstairs."

* * *

><p>When Castiel had first woken up in that chair it had terrified him, it held him down so he couldn't fight back, couldn't run. After Nikki had torn up his back a few nights before the chair was the only thing that provide him any relief. As much as the wood was rough against his sensitive skin, it held him tight so that even when Nikki started to cut into him again, he couldn't struggle. Ever movement he made, even simply breathing in and out, would pull at his skin and rip open the healing scabs that quickly swelled with blood. On the ground Castiel withered and squirmed against Nikki's steady hand, dirt, grim and bits of broken glass being rubbed into his back as the floor tore open his wounds. At least the chair held him still.<p>

"She's got the devil in her heart, but her eyes they tantalize." Nikki sung, her voice rough and off pitch, as she dragged a jagged blade along his left side, slotted between his bottom ribs.

It was the gag that made everything worse. Castiel hated when he begged, it was like Nikki was cutting into a new part of that, a part she couldn't reach with knives alone. When Nikki first took him Castiel would have days between there sessions, time to heal or at least piece back together his resolve, Castiel never begged once. But he sure as hell screamed, he'd keep quiet for the first few hours, bite his tongue till it bleed and it never mattered because Nikki never stopped till Castiel was a rambling mess and he's scream his throat raw. Screaming was the only thing he could ever do, and with the bloody rag in his mouth and the duck tape glued across his lips deprived him of even that.

His fingers had left tiny smears of blood on the arms of the chair, his nails broken and dozens of splinters poked out of his skin as he clawed against the wood. His screams came out as nothing more then muffled whimpers as Nikki tightly pulled a string of barbed wire around the crown of his head just above the leather strap that kept him in place.

"He's not looking so good." Castiel felt the wire slacken at the intruder's voice. The door was out of his eyesight but he still strained to see who it was when he heard Nikki's joyful laugh.

"The man who would be king." She gave one last yank and Castiel cried out as best he could, feeling the metal thorns dip into his scalp. "And what's a king without a crown?"

"Right…" The stranger trailed off and Nikki moved away from Castiel whose body sagged in relief. He heard the two of them talk about a deal, Castiel wished he could warn her that making a deal with a demon was landed him where he was now but knew it wouldn't matter, she'd already gotten this far she wasn't going to turn back. "I got what you wanted."

"Perfect. You did so well, I'll make it ten and a half years before I drag you down to hell."

"Uh thanks." The girl mumbled awkwardly before she hightailed it out of the old barn, of to enjoy ten years of life before a eternity of hell. Castiel groaned inwardly when he heard Nikki's footsteps approach him again, his brief moment of relief was over. Nikki walked past him and over to the table, that was now splattered with blood, and placed a large jar filled a clear liquid amongst the dirty instruments.

"Do you know what this is?" She asked and tapped the jar's metal lid. The question was pointless, Castiel could neither speak nor move his head, he just stared at her with as hard a glare he could muster. Her smile slipped away to mock sadness and she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the table. "Stop that, you're always looking at me like that. Or you give me those damn puppy eyes, all wide and brimming with tears, it brings up all these human feelings I don't like. Empathy and pity and other shit that makes my heart go pitter patter."

She picked up the jar again its contents splished and splashed as she walked over to him and placed it on his lap. "So I got this jar of formaldehyde. For when I cut out those bright baby blues of yours, I'll have a nice place to put them."

* * *

><p>"Okay, so this is usually pretty simply-"<p>

"Ya we've done his before." Sam interrupted and pulled a chair up to the table covered in candles. The twins shot him a look that told Sam this was their territory and they didn't want any lip from him.

"You two just sit down, this works best if we do it alone." Diana finished lighting the six candles and reached across the table to grasp her sister's hands. They both sighed and closed their eyes, Nadia bite her lips and Diana's eyes scrunched up in concentration. "So, Castiel right?"

"Yes." Dean confirmed, his finger tapped against his knee impatiently.

"Anything else you know?"

"Not really…" Sam thought back to the hospital for any clues to where Cas could be. "Nikki, he said something about someone named Nikki before he passed out."

"Okay." Nadia nodded and both the sisters stilled. Dean looked at the cheesy deck of tarot cards on the floor and began to worry that these two were charlatans, then bitterly thought that Pam would have found Cas by now. It was then that the flames of the candles swelled and shot up, Diana ripped her hands away from Nadia's grasp and lifted them to her mouth that had begun to drip blood. Nadia stared blankly a the candles flame even when her sister screamed at the sight of blood, Sam was close to shaking her out of it but Dean shot him a glare that told him to sit still.

"Nadia!" Diana screeched and blood splattered on the table, droplets landing on Nadia's still hands. Diana quickly snuffed out the candles and slapped her sister's arm leaving a bright red impression of her hand.

"Whoa." Nadia muttered her eyes blinked rapidly as she came out of her trance. "That's not good."

"What the hell was that?" Sam asked handing Diana an old dusty handkerchief that had been lying on the ground. She grabbed it and wiped it across her lips then coughed another mouthful of blood onto it. "Is that normal?"

"No I don't normally start to choke on my own blood." She snapped.

"He's bleeding." Nadia said softly.

"And gagged, evidently. Did you hear anything?"

"Nothing useful." Nadia shrugged though she was visibly shaken from whatever she had heard.

"So what, it didn't work?" Dean growled. The sisters shot each other a look and Nadia shifted in her chair.

"We didn't get anything, but…"

"Adina might have gotten something." Diana finished. "Technically we're triplets."

"Technically?"

"Well she isn't really into the whole psychic thing, she said it gave her to many migraines." Dean rolled his eyes but Sam sympathized, for all of ten seconds before he focused on the situation again. "She might have gotten something on her end though, if she's close enough."

"Ya we're kinda tuned up like the whole 'see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil' thing. I didn't hear much, obviously he couldn't say anything for Diana, there's a chance Adina might have gotten something on her end."

"Okay let's go ask her."

"Adina kind of… drifts." Both brothers gave Nadia a hard look having singled her out as the weak link. "But we're psychics so why don't we look for her."

"Or we could just call her." Diana pulled out her cell and rolled her eyes at her sister. "Why do you always have to do things the difficult way?"

The ride downtown was awkward to say the least, the twins in the back seemed to be silently arguing about something and Dean was tense sure any moment Diana was going to hack blood up onto his leather interior. Diana had managed to locate her other sister, though Adina refused to pick up her phone, one of their mutual friends knew where she was hanging out. Nadia had been fairly certain Adina was close enough to them that she'd have felt the vision as well. Frankly they better pray she had because otherwise Dean would have wasted a whole day on them and he would not be happy about it.

"So uh," Sam started trying to break up the tension and start a conversation. "Adina is an…unique name."

"It's an anagram, all our names are anagrams of each other." Diana clarified before the car fell back into the same silence. The buildings became denser the deeper into the city they got and they literally ended up on the wrong side of the tracks once they drove over now obsolete train tracks into a part of the city that seemed to be covered in garbage. Nadia motioned to an alley way and Dean pulled up beside it though he was reluctant to leave his baby unattended in a place like this, sure he had already seen some thugs eye her.

"'Kay boys you know how this works. Find the lucky lady you win." In the middle of he alley just before the shadows merged into blackness was the third triplet, a spitting image of the other two except here hair was cut shorter and dyed slightly darker in a futile attempt to stand out between the three. Adina sported oversized bug-eyed black sunglasses and was currently shuffling three cards on top of a rickety table. Two teenage kids stood in front of her and tried to watch the cards as they were turned and mixed. Dean coughed and the two boys turned with a glare, one opened his mouth probably to tell them to fuck off but when Dean flashed his FBI badge they frantically grabbed their money and rushed off. "I didn't think the FBI investigated petty hustling."

"That is so low." Nadia gawked stepping out from behind the brothers to face her sister whose eyebrows rose up to just above the edge of the big sunglasses. "You're not pretending to be blind to get sympathy again are you?"

"Pretending?" She hissed out and ripped the glasses off. Tiny lines spread out over the skin around her eyes, eyes which where bloodshot with irises that where supposed to be brown but were swirled with a blue somewhere between the colour of Castiel's and the pale colour of an injured eye. Dean isn't sure if it's the bright red of burst blood vessels or the angry sneer that looks so out of place on such a small face, but all four of them take a step back in surprise. "What the hell did you idiots do?"

"Wow, that's…" Diana gapped unable to tear her eyes away from the damage done to her sister's face.

"Okay, whatever happened to you is…weird, but we need to know if you saw anything."

"There was nothing to see." She huffed and shoved the glasses back on. "Nadda, zippo, zilch."

"How is that poss-"

"Trust me you don't want to know." Adina closed the distance between her and Dean in a few strides and poked an angry finger hard into his chest. "Listen, I'm only going to say this once. Dean Winchester, under no circumstances should you go looking for Castiel, _ever_."

"You saw something." Adina pushed herself between them and grabbed hold of her sister's shoulders. "Not with his eyes but-"

"Ya, ya, window to the soul and all that. Of course I saw something, I'm not _you_, I always get something."

"We _need _to find Castiel." Sam interrupted and gently shoved Diana out of the away. Adina attempted to push the glasses down, probably in hopes to look threatening, but the large glasses had to be pulled well past her nose before her bloodshot eyes peaked over.

"That's not a good idea Sammy, it _is_ Sammy right."

"Just Sam."

"Whatever _Sam_. You don't see it do you?" She asked Diana who shot back a confused look. Adina sighed then turned to her other sister and gave a tiny grin. "You do though, right?"

"Well," Nadia began and fidgeted under everyone's gaze "if they get to him in time-"

"Ya you sound really convinced about that. _You_ defiantly feel it don't you?" She looked back at Sam and ripped her glasses of in a bad CSI impersonation. Dean turned to his brother and Sam knew exactly what he was thinking, that Sam was keeping secret again and both him and Cas were purposely leaving Dean in the dark. "You don't particularly _like_ being around Castiel do you? You get all angry and uncomfortable and whenever he touches you it flicks off a switch that makes your blood boil."

"I had some issues with him." Sam blurted out trying to defend himself from whatever vague accusations Adina was throwing at him. "I got over them."

"Ya, once the blood wore off." she snorted

"Adina, this is not the time!" Nadia whispered angrily like the other three couldn't hear.

"For fucks sake! Do you know where he is or not?" Dean bit out having to remind himself he didn't hit girls that weren't foaming at the mouth and trying to bite him.

"Yes, I do." She placed her hands on her hips and gave Dean her best defiant glare. "And I'm not going to tell you."

"You little-" Dean started but Nadia stopped him, pushed Diana out of the way and shoved her hand not to gently in Adina's face. Adina tried to say something but her eyes glazed over and the sisters went into that weird trance that happened whenever they touched.

"Nebraska, he's in Lincoln Nebraska." Dean thanked them for their help by storming back to his car and leaving them to walk back home.

* * *

><p>Castiel never really understood horror movies, he'd seen two or three with Dean and while they had been slightly more unnerving when he was close to falling, they never made him jump like Sam had once or twice. Because he knew that whatever was lurking in the shadows, ready to jump out at the leading lady, was nothing he couldn't handle. With the exception of perhaps the Kruger nightmare man, none of them would have posed much of a threat to an angel of the Lord. None of them could have snuck up on Castiel, the angel, he would have sensed them coming a mile away.<p>

Suddenly Castiel understood. He understood what it was like to be helpless, to know there was something out that could hurt you, wanted to hurt you and you had no way of knowing when they'd strike. Rough rope kept him tied to the ground though he didn't struggle, every time he moved the marks on his back would scrape against the dirt. He held as still as he could, straining to hear where Nikki was, he knew she was there, planning her next move and enjoying watching Castiel squirm.

"How you holding up Angel Boy?" Castiel instinctively turned his head to the right and drew in a sharp breath when he felt the tiny metal spikes drive themselves deeper in to his scalp. It was a futile effort anyways it wasn't like he could even see her not with the gauze wrapped tightly over his eyes. Then his breath hitched with realization and he thought _Dear God, do I even have eyes anymore?_ He tried to think back to a few hours earlier, remembered Nikki walking over to him with a scalpel in hand, he remembered her grinning down at him and the sharp pain as she dragged the blade over his eyebrow. Then nothing, Castiel must have passed out, he tried to move his eyes in their sockets and felt only a searing pain.

He felt Nikki drop down to straddle his hips a long nail trailed down his bare chest in a way that might have stung if every part of him wasn't already tight with pain. A cold hard point pushed against the palm of his hand and Nikki clicked her tongue. "You know all those renaissance paintings, with all their biblical themes, always showing Jesus with these gaping holes in the center of his hand. I think there's something behind that, the helplessness of someone who can't use their hands, yet the son of God still was strong enough to save all mankind."

The point was dragged down to his wrist, he felt blood well up in the cut and pool down back to the center of his hand. "Except science says there no way the hand could have supported all that weight. It had to be the wrists, the spike had to be nestled between these two bones. Which would you prefer?"

The gag muffled his protest, he tried to pull his wrist away but Nikki just dug the spike in harder. "What's that? You're questioning the logic of my constant questions when I know you're bound and gagged."

Nikki pulled of the duck tape and removed the bloody cloth in his mouth. Castiel tried to speak but only a rough cough came out, shaking his whole body and he only managed to get out a few words. "No…Don't."

He whimpered as she drew the spike back up to his hand and waited for his answer. "Not…not my hands." He rasped out because he can't bear to tell her to drive a metal spike through his wrists. All he could think about are all the tiny bones in his hands, and then he realized it didn't even matter because she'd move on to his feet and there'd be no false sense of mercy down there.

"Of course science doesn't lie, but people are stupid. See there's the wrist people refer to," She pulled the spike up from the center of his palm down to the edge of his hand "then there's the anatomical wrist that starts just about here."

"Don't, _please_, just s s stop."

"Now you're really supposed to do this without actually breaking any bones, but I'm a little rusty so I'm going to need you to stay _very_ still." He felt her shift above him, bringing her hand up, heard the whoosh of the hammer as it swing down and struck the nail deep into his first. There was a brief second where Castiel thought _that wasn't so bad_ adrenaline still pumped quickly through his body momentarily masking the pain. Then he felt the liquid fire shoot up from the wounds, winding itself up his arm and straight to his heart. True to her word Nikki had angled the spike exactly and it had nestled between two bones, Castiel could fell the bones shift, felt it scratch against the metal. Nikki is quick to shove the bloody rag back into his mouth when Castiel piercing _screech_ filled the room, it muffled the noise but the pain was so intense that even when she put the duck tape back, the loud, wrecked sound still burst through.

* * *

><p>Nothing. They'd been in Nebraska for three fucking days and they'd found absolutely nothing. Sam briefly remarked that it might have not been a good idea to walk away from the triplets before they asked if they knew anything else. After Dean 'accidently' slammed his beer bottle into the table so hard it shattered, Sam didn't bring it up again. Dean spent nearly four hours sitting in his motel room and just stared at a map of the city and just when he thinks maybe he's eliminated a section of the city he re-thinks it and suddenly its back in. There had to be something, some sign they'd miss, some clue that was staring them right in the face. And the clock kept tick, tick, ticking letting Dean know time was running out.<p>

* * *

><p>Castiel was done. Castiel was drained and tired and just <em>done<em>. He'd accepted that Dean and Sam were never going to find him in time and he was going to die that barn. He just hoped Rachmiel would tell them not to bother looking for him anymore, he'd hate for the brothers to find a rotting corpse weeks later. And it really was too bad because Castiel was sure Dean and Sam had been close to forgiving him and putting the past behind them.

Nikki was humming the same song again and there's a soft hiss of hair against a hot iron. Castiel thought maybe the songs was from before she went to hell and that it is miraculous that she still knows it. He almost told her that, that the song is attached to something pure and good, a love strong enough to survive the fires of hell itself. Maybe he could remind her that she was human once, that she obviously loved someone, a parent, child, perhaps a lover, enough to remember a few bars of a melody even when by all logic it should have been burned from her memory centuries ago.

But he knew it would be futile. It had taken months to bring Dean back from the brink, with all the powers of heaven behind him Castiel still had to put Dean back together piece by piece. There was no way Castiel could convince her of anything in time for it to do any good.

"I must say, I over estimated the Winchesters." He heard her footsteps approach and felt the heavy weight of her body against his weak one. Her thighs pulled tight against his hips and she leaned forward against his chest forcing his torn up back deeper into the dirty floor. "They made it here in record time, I was impressed, but now it's been a couple days and there not even on the right _side_ of the city."

She shifted on top of him and he heard the same hiss as she wrapped another strand of hair around the iron. "Crowley said leaving little Suzie alive when I decided to 'rent' out her parents house was a stupid idea. Well look who thought ahead, Mr. King of Hell."

"You're-" Castiel couldn't finish his breath hitched and came out ragged.

"When has Dean ever been able to resist saving a damsel in distress? How about a kiss for good luck." He felt her smooth lips against his dry one, her warm, wet tongue pushed inside and slid along the blood that still clung to the teeth in the back of Castiel's mouth. He tried to pull away and when she refused to release him he chomped down with all the force left in his body. "You bit me! You little- You have been spending far too much time with Sam, Angel Boy."

He answered her by lifting his head up and spitting, she growled and Castiel almost smiled in satisfaction. That was until she pressed her curling iron in to the crook of his neck, white hot pain shot through his body and he struggled when he felt his skin blister and melt against the hot metal. "You know you are really testing my patience Castiel. And after I got you such a nice partying gift."

* * *

><p>With nothing else to do Sam and Dean head out to search the city or more accurately wander around hoping to find something useful. They just got into the impala and drove and when Dean figured that maybe driving wasn't good enough they got out and walked. Then just when Sam was about to tell Dean they weren't going to find anything and that Sam probably shouldn't be wandering this part of town without his gun, Dean suddenly stopped in his tracks and told Sam to be quiet. "You hear that?"<p>

"Hear what?" Dean didn't get to answer before another scream sounded. They both turned and booked it down the street

"Please don't, I didn't do anything!" They rushed into the alleyway without a plan, Dean with his gun and Sam with the knife. A man had cornered a young blonde at the end of the alley, standing still except for the slight twitch of his fingers like a lion waiting to pounce. She spotted the brothers and must have thought they were with her attacker because she gasped and tripped over a discarded wooden crate. The man turned slightly, enough to show the inky black of his eyes and that was all the proof Sam needed to lunge forward and stab the knife into the demons back.

Dean didn't have time to tell Sam to wait, that it was a demon in the city that Castiel was supposed to be in and that he probably knew something. He started to march over to his brother close to loosing it when the blonde hurled herself into Dean and nearly knocked him over. "Oh God, he was…he was going to kill me."

"Hey, it's okay, he's not coming back." Dean assured her, wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close so she couldn't see the death glare he was sending Sam. His brother looked perplexed, when had killing a demon ever been a bad thing, then it suddenly clicked and he looked down regretfully at the blood on his hands.

"The, the other one though." She stuttered out and sniffled and Dean kept his steady grip on her despite the annoyance he felt at her tears staining his jacket.

"There's more then one?" Sam stepped closer and hid his hands behind his back so the blood wouldn't scare the girl. She nodded and another wave of tears burst through, she wrapped her arms under Dean's jacket around his waist and clung to him like he was her mom on the first day of kindergarten. "Hey, don't worry we'll help you. What's your name?"

"Suzie." She mumbled. "They were at my house. I…I ran here." Sam looked down at the bare feet, crusted with both dirty and blood.

"Listen Suzie, why don't we take you to our car? You can show us where you live and we'll help you with the…other one." Sam didn't know if she was in any condition to find out a demon straight out of hell was what attacked her. She hadn't brought up his black eyes, Sam hoped she hadn't actually seen them, maybe it would be better if she thought it was just some burglary gone wrong. Suzie nodded, her yellow curls bounced with the movement, and reluctantly let go of Dean. Dean rubbed his hand up and down her back a few times hoping to calm her down and Suzie drew a shaky breath and tried to smile. When Dean motioned to the end of the alley and explained how far away the car was, she ran her tongue nervously along the edge of her teeth. Sam noticed the mark on her tongue and he silently hoped she had just bit it while she tried to get away and it wasn't from the demon attacking her. _Poor girl_, Sam thought seeing the blood stains on her dress, if she was lucky they could get rid of the second demon before Suzie ever had to know about the evil that lurked in the dark.

* * *

><p>So episode 17 was amazing! I've already watched it several times...which I guess means i don't have as much of a social life as i wish I had...though i guess unfortunately it ended up being nothing like this story...and now I'm eagerly awaiting Misha's two other episodes this season! :)<p>

Enjoy!


	8. Chapter 8

**Die Romantic- Aiden**

Sam sat in the back with Suzie reassuring her that everything was fine and they wouldn't leave until they knew she was safe. With an unsteady tongue and shaky breath she described the situation, how she was working on an English paper when she heard a noise downstairs. Clearly this girl hadn't seen too many movies or she'd know you never go down stairs to check the suspicious noise. She'd check the whole main floor before heading back up to her room at which point, of course, two men attacked her.

"We'll have to walk from here." She piped up when Dean's headlights shown upon the pile of ruble that used to be a road. "They haven't fixed the road yet." Suzie stayed in the back seat while Dean and Sam gathered whatever weapons they could carry. Dean grabbed a pair of sneakers out of Castiel's bag, a pair he'd bought for Cas who wore it once and never again, insisting he wanted boots instead. They were probably too big for Suzie but at least they'd protect her already bloody feet till they reached her house. She gratefully accepted the shoes and gave a shy smile as she laced them up.

They spent the rest of the walk in silence, Suzie guiding the way though her footsteps were meek and unsure. They finally reached the run down farm house, the lights on and the door still open from when Suzie fled. The living room was full of over-turned table and chairs and glass shards from a broken vase crunched under Dean's boots. Suzie lingered by the open door, ready to make a break for it if anything suddenly popped out. Sam went to look upstairs and Dean searched the kitchen, both found similar messes but no traces of demons. Out the window over the sink Dean could just make out the outline of a barn in the distance, covered in ivy with all its doors and shutters either missing or left barely clinging to the building. He waited for Sam at the bottom of the staircase just out of Suzie view, he heard Sam's footsteps and motioned for him to follow him into the kitchen.

"Anything upstairs?" He asked leaning against the countertop.

"No, nothing besides some feathers from a pillow and duvet that got stabbed." Sam shrugged.

"Barn outside." Dean stuck a thumb out and pointed out the window. "We could go look out there."

"You can't go into the barn." Sam jumped in surprise and turned to find Suzie behind him. Her arms wrapped around herself tight enough that her fingernails left crescent shaped wounds on her arms and she looked up at Sam with wide blue eyes, who only now noticed the small jagged cut on the left side of her neck.

"I know you don't want to be left alone but we need to check if-"

"No!" She snapped, the pout in her lip suddenly now a sneer. Sam took an uncertain step back at the fierceness of the look and Suzie was quick to pull the helpless look back on her face. "I mean…you're right I don't want to be alone but you really can't go in the barn. Literally, the floor caved in during that earthquake last year and the structure is barley holding up."

"Look its late why don't you go get some sleep." Dean moved away from the counter and walked back to the stair case, he tapped his palm against the banister and tried to give Suzie the best reassuring smile he could muster. There was a scratchy sound upstairs and Dean glanced up to make sure it wasn't a demon and saw only a tree brushing against a window. Before he could turn back Suzie was beside him, clinging to his arm and following his gaze up the stairs.

"You're not…you're not leaving are you?" She bit her lip and blinked a pair of bright eyes up at him. Dean glanced over at Sam then back at Suzie and shook his head, Suzie let out a sigh of relief but didn't loosen her grip on Dean. "Would I seem like a little kid if I asked you to check my closet for monsters?"

She gave him a nervous smile and all Dean could see was the blue of her irises and the slight tilt of her head to the side. He nodded, Suzie's smile twitched into a grin and she began to climb up the stairs, Dean began to follow but Sam's hand on his shoulder stopped him from continuing. "Uh Dean…"

"Check around the house, see if you can find anything. I'll…be back in a few minutes."

Suzie had already pulled on a pair of pajama shorts with a matching tank top, throwing the sneakers and bloody clothes over in the corner. She was shaking her duvet free of the thin blanket of feathers that had settled on it when Dean walked in. "I was thinking maybe you could, you know, stay? Just till I fall asleep?"

Dean looked out the window, unable to see Sam but the yellow light of his flashlight let Dean know he was out there. "Ya, that's fine."

"So you and that other guy, you have names?"

"Shawn, he's Corey." He's greeted with silence and when he turned Suzie's sitting crossed legged on the bed, her thin arms supported her as she leaned back and an amused grin painted across her face.

"You don't look much like a Shawn." She pointed to the chair next to the bed and Dean took one last look outside at Sam's flashlight before sitting down. "So you and Corey just wander the streets at nigh rescuing damsels in distress?"

"Well, Shawn's just a cover." Dean leaned in closer, elbows rested on his knees like he was about to reveal a shocking secret. "I'm actually Batman."

She laughed and inched closer to the edge of the bed, flicking her blonde curls over her shoulder. Dean gave her a lopsided grin and they locked eyes for a moment before her gaze turned serious. "Those men…they weren't human were they?"

"Why would you say that?" He jerked back in his chair and tried to look shocked and confused, no sense worrying the girl.

"I…" she paused nervously twirling a lock of hair around her finger, the glittery pink of her nail polish getting lost in the shiny gold. "Their eyes were-"

"You're right, they weren't human." Dean interrupted when she started to trail off again, no point dragging the conversation on any longer. Suzie ran her still bloody tongue ran across her teeth as she tried to absorb the information. "They were demons."

"Oh." Is all she said and her eyes wandered out to the window, she must have remembered that one was still out there and could return any moment. "And you and your brother are like demon hunters or something?"

Dean paused for a split second, his eyes narrowed at the young woman who had begun to chew the nail on her thumb. He was sure he'd never mentioned Sam was his brother, he stiffened in his chair and examined Suzie who ddidn't notice and kept staring out the window. He relaxed a bit when he decided Sam must have said something or maybe she'd just make an educated guess. She would have had plenty of opportunities to kill them if she'd been a demon and Dean couldn't think of any reason a demon would lure them into a house then just chill out for a bit. Suzie's eyes flicked back over to Dean, one of her eyebrows raised, wanting an answer to her question and Dean sighed out, "Ya something like that."

"That must be-" before she can finish the lights cut out, Suzie shrieked and Dean reached for his gun. He tried to rise to his feet but Suzie practically flung herself at him, hitting Dean with enough force that the chair wobbled beneath them. They stayed perfectly still waiting for something to burst through the door, until a voice called up out of the silence.

"Sorry!" He heard Sam shout. "I'll fix it." They both let out a breath they'd been holding and Dean's grip around Suzie's waist loosened though she continued to cling to him for dear life. The lights didn't turn on right away, Sam must still be fiddling with whatever he broke, and Suzie showed no signs of calming down till they did. Dean glanced up at her, not able to see much besides the whites of her eyes and a hint of blue between them. She was close, a little too close maybe, and Dean breathed in the lingering perfume that clung to her neck, a faint mix of strawberries and sugar. But if he inhaled deep enough there was something below the harsh artificial scent, something like sea salt and fresh rain that made Dean mouth dry up. First he thought he must be imagining it, it's just his brain trying to remind him he should be out finding Castiel, and then he realized that somewhere along the way he'd committed the angel's smell to memory. And the thought makes him suddenly uncomfortable, especially taking into consideration that he had a woman's chest practically pressed against his cheek and his mind kept lingering back to his _friend_.

The lights flicked back on and Suzie, reluctantly, relaxed her body and lowered herself down back to eye level. "I should…I should probably get off you."

Dean doesn't say anything and Suzie doesn't move, his mind remembered how large the property was and tried to guess how long it would take Sam to search it all.

* * *

><p>Sam cursed when he felt the cold wind pick up, it was just his luck that he had to search around for demons while Dean got to add another notch to his bed post. He scanned the yard nearly everything blacked out except for the string of light from his flashlight. It was hard to pick a place to start, everything looking equally unpromising. Sam figured the barn would be the least likely to place for someone to hide, which meant it would be the first place a demon would go. Gravel and dead leaves crunched beneath his feet and he realized he was making himself pretty obvious, anyone would be able to see or hear coming from a mile away. He'd made it half way to the barn when he heard something behind him, he slowed but didn't stop and didn't turn, if something was following him he didn't want them to know he knew it. He heard the noise again but it wasn't any closer, it was distant like something was creeping around the house. Sam shut his flashlight off and turned back around setting a past that was quick without making too much noise. He pushed his back against the side of the house, reached into his jacket for his gun, silently counted to three and jumped the corner.<p>

To find a pair of shutters clanking against the dirty glass of the windows. Sam was about ready to march back into the house and tell Dean that he was tired of playing Mr. Spock to his Captain Kirk and the next time they landed a case Sam would be the one comforting the pretty girl. When he turned his flashlight back on it flashed against a metal door that must have led down to the basement. Sam didn't really have anywhere else to look and when he really thought about it he probably didn't want to go barging into a room where Dean was currently 'entertaining' a lady. The thought made Sam snort as he walked down the steep steps, remembering a time when _ladies_ didn't sleep with men on the first night. He'd reached the bottom step and a large _creek_ rang out, the only warning he was given before the flimsy wood gave out beneath him. Sam tried to reach out for something and steady himself but only grasped at air, his foot caught in the broken wood and sent him flying. He barley managed to let out a surprised gasp before he felt a shooting pain across his temple and he must have blanked out because the next thing he knew he was on his back and staring up at the feeble wooden ceiling.

"Sorry!" He called out expecting Dean to chastise him for his clumsiness before he remembered that he was alone. He felt around for his flashlight and looked up at what ever he had hit. A dull rusted fuse box glistened with a small smear of blood on the corner, he pried the door open and saw all the switches had reset to the off position with the force of Sam knocking into it. He noticed there weren't any tiny slivers of light pooling though the floor boards of the ceiling and began to flick on the switches one by one and called up to no one in particular "I'll fix it."

The basement flooded with light, Sam's eyes stung with the brightness but he kept turning the switches on to make sure he didn't miss anything important. With that done he turned to explore to basement but finding nothing but a few shelves with empty mason jars. Sam would have turned and left if it weren't for the glint of something in the corner of his eye. Two wooden doors peaked out of the floor, maybe leading to an old wine cellar, and Sam would have completely overlooked it if it weren't for the brand new chain and padlock that had been wrapped around the handles. It didn't do much good, the handles were so rusted that with a quick jerk it was ripped free form the door. Sam took one look into the cellar and his flashlight fell from his hand, hitting the small door and rolling inside with a soft _squish_. "Fuck."

* * *

><p><em>Fuck<em>. Dean was lying on a soft bed next to an equally soft woman, both naked and sweaty but all he could do was stare awkwardly up at the ceiling and think _fuck_. What was he even supposed to say to her? He couldn't say anything lame like _I just have a lot on my mind_ or worse _this has never happen to me before_, maybe he could have gotten away with _I'm saving myself for marriage_ line but that excuse went out the window five minutes ago when he started talking dirty. Besides when did Dean Winchester ever fail to rise to the occasion? There was just a point when Suzie moaned, arched against him and looked up at him, her lusty eyes had darkened to just the perfect shade of blue that made Dean freeze and roll off her.

_My life as a human has, so far, been less then enjoyable_

"So do you uh…" She shifted next to him and pulled the blanket over her exposed chest "Are you with someone?"

"What?" Dean snapped raising himself up to rest on his elbows. "No! I mean, it's just…"

"I understand." Her eyes softened and she gave him a half smile. Dean sighed and fell back on the bed this was getting way to close to a talk about feelings and talking about chick shit when you could be having sex was always more of a Sam thing. "I used to know someone with blue eyes like Castiel's."

It didn't process right away, what she said, at first he just sighed again then his eyes snapped open and he looked over at the girl who's face had darkened into a smirk. "Suzie?"

"Dean?" She mocked, Dean tried to push himself up but she slapped a hand hard against his chest and he felt the weight of an invisible force pushing him against the bed. "Man I've been waiting for you a long time."

"Who the hell are you?" he growled struggling against bonds he knew he couldn't break.

"Ya, I know I probably should've given you my name before I started to seduce you but to be fair you didn't either, _Shawn_." She chuckled and drew a nail down the center of his chest, leaving a thin red line of irritated skin and looking mildly disappointed the hadn't gotten to home base before she came clean. They both looked towards the bedroom door when they heard Sam shout Dean's name and a door slam downstairs. "Sam has found the bodies I suppose."

Dean stiffened when he heard _bodies_, picturing Cas bloody and bruised with dead eyes staring off into nothingness. The familiar feeling of guilt and despair of knowing you've come to late, rising up and squeezing on his heart. "Don't worry Angel Boy's fine." She wrapped one of the sheets tight around her like a slutty sorority girl at a toga party and jumped on the hunter straddling his hips and running her hands over the hunters shoulder. "I'm Nikki by the way."

"Ya Cas mentioned you."

"Only good things I hope." She laughed, leaning down and nuzzling the side of Dean's neck. It suddenly hit him that she smelled like Castiel because she'd been with him this whole time doing God know what while Cas probably prayed to an absent father that was never going to come.

"He didn't say much of anything about you, guess you don't leave much of an impression." Dean tried to be cocky but it was short lived when she pulled her nails down both sides of his chest, nicking his nipple on one side and marking up his tattoo on the other.

"I guess I'll have to try harder next time." She smiled her tongue darting out to lick the small droplets of blood on her manicured nails. He heard Sam yell again, banging at the door but unable to get in. "Just a minute Sammy! Dean and I need to have a talk."

"Go to hell."

"I wish." She snorted leaning back down on Dean's chest, her lip pushing out to a pout. "Unfortunately I'm stuck here taking care of Castiel."

"Where is he? What the hell did you do to him?" He could feel her cold skin against his and it made his stomach turn, he swallowed back a wave of nausea when he realized what he'd been doing with the very demon that had spent months torturing Cas.

"What did I do to him? I brought him back from the dead, thrice." She wiggled three fingers to emphasize her point and when Dean body went rigged beneath her she grinned. "What, you didn't think heaven did that did you? When has heaven ever done shit? Of course it was me and let me tell you how annoying and tiring it is to keep brining someone back over and over again."

"Bullshit." He spat at her, not because he knew for sure God brought Cas back but because Nikki poker face was novice at best and the tone of her voice alone let him know she was a damn liar.

"Here's how it's going to go Dean." She started, not bothering to deny his accusation. "I'm going to let you go, you're going to go into the barn and rescue Angel Boy and with any luck you'll be able to patch him up because I certainly went a little over board with him."

"That's it? You're just going to let us go?"

"Oh I'll be back, when I come looking for Castiel you won't be able to hide him."

"You'll be dead long before that, bitch."

"Dean, Dean, Dean." She laughed, trialing a finger down from Dean's forehead to the bridge of his nose. "If you really cared about Castiel you'll kill him before he has to go through all this again. But you're human, so you're weak and selfish which means, like always, I get exactly what I want."

* * *

><p><em>So I'm not very happy with this chapter, but it was needed so I could get to the next one (which I think will end up being one of my favorite (: ) I actually wasn't going to post this till later but I figured with everything going on this weekend Easter, Passover, concerts and the insane amount studying I should be doing, I probably won't be able to post another chapter for a while. And I also figured it be a busy weekend for everyone so they wouldn't have much time to read fics so I might as well split one long chapter in two so more people could enjoy Dean and Castiel's crazy reunion next week.<em>

_You guys always write such nice reviews! I wish I could reply to each on individually but my life is a horrible mess of incredibly busy and just being a lazy person. But I want you all to know I really appreciate you taking the time to do that :D_

_And on a totally unrelated noted I had this freaky supernatural dream (which in itself is weird because anytime I have a dream that involves Castiel it goes horribly wrong like the one time he have me a horrible nightmare that gave me a fever and made me sick for three days). And it was weird because Castiel and Jensen were both actors and living together and Cas had a crush on Jensen but he didn't care. Then Misha Collins moved in and Castiel fell instantly in love with him, then at some point Misha died and Castiel became horribly depressed and of course that was the time Jensen thought it be great to start hitting on heartbroken emo Castiel. And at no point in the dream did I ever question the weirdness of me having two room mates who looked exactly alike get into a romantic relationship. And none of that has anything to with this story but it was a weird dream and I have no one else to tell it to…so lucky you guys get to here it._

_Anyways enjoy! Happy holidays_!


	9. Chapter 9

**Bleed- Further Seems Forever**

It was all a whirlwind after that. Nikki snapped her fingers and disappeared, Sam kicked down the door and Dean only bothered to pull his jeans on before he ran out the door and yelled at Sam to follow. But he wasn't prepared for what he saw inside the barn. Castiel had been gone barely a week, the last time they found him he'd been gone months and though he was covered in scars and had that gash in his side, it was child's play compared to what Dean had expected. In fact Sam had reasoned that the demon might not have even had time to do much with Castiel if she had to reapply all the seals she'd put up last time. But they'd been dead wrong, Nikki hadn't bothered with seals, hadn't even locked the door, like she hadn't expected to anyone to come for Castiel.

The brothers stopped in their tracts when they saw Cas, pinned to the ground in nothing but the thin hospital pants. Dean hadn't been expecting Castiel to be perfectly fine but he hadn't expected it to be this bad. He hadn't expected barb wire and mock crucifixion, he hadn't expected all that blood. He took a shaky step towards Castiel, looking at his gagged mouth and the bloody white gauze wrapped around his eyes. He remembered Diana spitting out blood and Nadia _'there wasn't anything to see'_ and thought about how bad the wounds he couldn't see must be. Sam and Dean dropped down on opposite sides of Castiel, completely unsure where to start, the man in front of them was a mess from head to toe. Sam wasn't even sure they could move him without Castiel going into shock but they had to get him out of there somehow. He swallowed the bile that rose up and gripped the rusted spike in Castiel's right hand, Dean followed laying his hands across Castiel's chest to keep him still.

Sam hesitated, his hand shook and it took a surprising amount of nerves to rip a hunk of metal out of a man. He tried to move it slowly, inch by inch but the sound of the spike scraping against bone and the squish of his flesh made Sam gag and let go. Dean stayed quiet he wanted to tell Sam to man up and get it over with but he didn't want to risk Sam telling him to do it instead, Dean knew he'd be just as nervous. Sam took one last shaky breath and wrapped his hand around the spike again, gripped Castiel's forearm to steady himself then put all his strength in one pull.

The spike gave little resistance as it was ripped from Castiel's body but the man instantly woke up. He gave a muffled cry and his arm pulled away from Sam's hold, grabbing onto the hand that held him down. Dean tried to calm him down but he struggled against, his other arm pulled and squirmed, pushing the edges of his wound against the nail widening the hole it nested in. "Castiel! It's me! We're trying to help you but you need to calm down."

Castiel stilled deep breaths coming through his noise, he flexed the finger on his now free hand but his two middle fingers didn't budge. "Castiel." Sam said softly rubbing circles on Castiel's shivering shoulders. "We're going to take the duck tape off okay?"

Castiel didn't give an answer so Dean pealed off the tape. A tongue darted out to try and sooth the sore dry flesh of Castiel's lips, he took a shaky breath and asked "You came."

"Ya, you're okay now Cas." Dean assured him. "But we have to get the rest of the spikes out."

Castiel whimpered and Sam was quick to tell Cas they were going to get him help. "Listen these spikes are stanching the blow flow but once we pull them out you're going to start bleeding again. See," Sam gently ran a finger along Castiel's palm that was flowing blood all over chest "so you have to be very strong and try to hold still."

Castiel didn't say anything to that his lip quivered and felt the slick blood on his chest but his shoulders relaxed a little which Dean hoped meant he could handle the pain. Though it didn't matter if he could handle it or not, he had to, because it was either that or bleed to death. So Dean held down his other arm so Sam could pull another spike, he tried to be gentler, especially since Castiel had already tugged the wound wider. He cried out when Sam twisted the spike, who had been trying to find a better way to remove the spike, and he quickly let out a string of apologies but Castiel only gasped out "Just do it."

"Okay, okay." He nodded, feeling like an idiot that Castiel was the one thinking rationally while Sam cringed and hesitated. Dean was unusually silent, his hands tight around Castiel's arm and he started at the smooth skin of his bicep, refusing to look at anything else, knowing it would only be blood and raw flesh. Sam closed his eyes and finally reached over and gave a hard tug, Castiel gave only a loud whimper before his body relaxed slightly. Castiel weakly lifted his hand over to his chest and ran his fingers over the wound, smearing blood and hissed at the strange feeling.

He was unbelievably tired, a feeling he still had yet to get used to that the body would so easily just shut down, he hadn't even realized that there was still one more spike to go. Castiel's head flopped to the side, no longer caring that the barb wire pricked his scalp, the time it took the brothers to rearrange themselves by Castiel's feet seemed like an eternity, Castiel had all but forgotten they were still there. Sleep tugged at him and he tried to push it away something in the back of his mind trying to keep him awake, he needed to do something, but he barely even had enough energy to breath.

When Sam pulled the last spike out, it barely even stung and his legs slumped down from where the nail had kept them in place. Castiel sighed, someone was talking to him and his cheek suddenly burned, his head turned to the other side now. Castiel guessed Dean had slapped him, they were trying to get him to stay awake at least long enough to get some answers. "Sam." He groaned out his voice barely a whisper. He had something important to tell him. "You…"

"Don't talk, just- we're going to get you help." Dean cradled the back of Castiel's head careful to avoid the barb wire and him and Sam slowly began to lift him up. They managed to pull him up to a sitting position and Dean had to put a hand on his chest to keep Castiel from tumbling over. Dean looked at Castiel's back and his breath caught in his throat, Sam nearly dropped Castiel when he saw it. Their reaction was more out of surprise then shock, yes it was bad but Dean knew (as much as he wished he didn't) that it could be so much worse, that this was a demon going easy on someone. The whip marks criss-crossed all across the skin of his back and Dean though grimly that at least he still had skin because it was damn easy to whip someone down to the bone.

But they didn't have time to stare, there was already enough blood soaked into the floor that Castiel by all rights should be dead. Sam carefully wrapped an arm across Castiel shoulders, trying to settle into a place with the least amount of wounds, if they got him inside they could clean him up and call an ambulance. He'd barely lifted Castiel up an inch when the man sprang to life, grasping and clawing at Sam who flinched when he saw how Castiel could only curl two fingers in his defense. Sam lowered him back down, his arms still around him to keep him from slumping to the ground but Castiel still pushed and scratched at the him. "Don't…Sam…Don't…Touch."

"Cas, we need to get you inside." Sam tried to tell him but Cas just continued to meekly push at him. Sam looked at his brother with pleading eyes but Dean looked just as lost as Sam was. Castiel groaned and mustered up all his strength to shove himself out of Sam's arms and send him tumbling to the ground, his side landing against Dean's knee and he nudged at the hunter.

"Dean…Sam…don't."

"Calm down man, I'll carry you, just stop moving around so damn much." Dean motioned over for Sam, praying Castiel wouldn't freak out again, and shuffled around till his back faced them. Sam was quick to hook his hands under Castiel's armpits and lift him onto Dean before he had a chance to protest Sam touching him. He didn't know why Castiel panicked so much when Sam tried to help him, he felt a small twinge of hurt but tried to brush it off as Castiel being delirious or that it maybe had to do with the 'profound bond' he shared with Dean. Castiel's arms flopped over Dean's shoulders and the hunter reached back to grip Castiel's thighs, lifting him up closer as Dean struggled to his feet trying to stand and keep Castiel on him at the same time. He gritted his teeth and pretended he couldn't feel the barb wire digging into the side of his neck and ignored Castiel as he kept rambling about Sam.

Sam led him inside to the guest room he'd found while he was looking around, they struggled to lay Castiel down on the bed with out disturbing his wounds. Castiel hissed when her felt the scratchy wool of the blanket against the cut on his side, he made a meek effort to push himself up but Dean told him to stay down, they couldn't put him on his back so Castiel would have to put up with the pain. Sam pulled his cell out and dialed 911 but when he held it up to his ear, it gave a loud beep and Sam began to wander around the room trying to get a signal. He rushed out to the kitchen and grabbed the phone off the counter but it was dead, Nikki must have cut the wire before she lured them there. He walked back to the bedroom, Dean was whispering to Castiel trying to sooth him though it didn't look like the man was paying much attention. Sam stood in the doorway, not moving till Dean finally looked up at him, expecting him to assure his brother help was on his way. "The phones…the phones aren't working."

Dean paled a bit, his eyes blinked rapidly like he was trying to process the information. "Okay….so we take back to the car and we-"

"Dean." Sam cut him off walking over to Dean and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "We don't…we got here too late Dean. We'd never get him there in time."

"I…" Dean looked over at Castiel, whose body shuttered with uneven breathing. It all suddenly sunk in Castiel was too weak to move and he was hurt far beyond what Dean could fix. Castiel was going to die and all Dean could do was watch. Sam knew what this was, the brief period of time when Dean's emotions leaked through before he quickly threw his walls up and shut down. And sure enough soon Dean's body tensed and sat up rigged in his chair, eyes suddenly hard and he knocked Sam's hand off his shoulder. "So what do we do?"

"We can stay with him." _Till he dies_. Sam couldn't say the last part and he couldn't turn to look at Castiel, it was hard enough looking at Dean whose eyes were glazed over in denial.

"Sam." Castiel panted but Sam refused to turn around, he couldn't bare to think that Castiel's last words to him would be him begging Sam to get away from him. "Sam." He tried again and the wheeze in his voice made Sam finally look at him. The gauze was still wrapped around his head but Sam could still feel his gaze on him. The blanket was already soaked in blood, Sam couldn't believe that Castiel had anything left in him to bleed out, the pillow beneath his head had been shredded by the wire but he still managed to take enough breath to speak to Sam. "Sam…the…blood."

"I know Cas." He murmured his eyes darted over to Dean who had gotten up from his chair and walked over to the window ignoring everything that went on behind him. "It will be over soon."

"No…you…don't…under…stand." Castiel gasped, only able to push out one syllable at a time, his lungs felt like they might collapse with each breath, but this was important. "The blood…you…could…I…blood."

Castiel heavy head hit the pillow and he stopped moving, Sam thought for a second he had died but he could see Castiel's nostrils flare slightly with every breath. He thought it would be better this way, Castiel could just go to sleep and never wake up, Sam only hoped he'd go somewhere good after. Sam might still have issues with Cas but he wouldn't wish an eternity in hell on anyone, even just the short time he'd spent there and the hallucinations were bad enough if it weren't for Rachmiel-

"Wait here." Sam said suddenly then ran out the door, Dean shouted something at him but Sam was already outside before he could follow. Castiel's words rang through his head _Sam, the blood_ and he ran faster then he ever had before, needing to get to the car before Castiel stopped breathing. It might not have been the best plan to run into the dark forest with no direction but the idea never crossed his mind, there could be no room for error Sam had to do this quick or it'd be too late. Sam practically ripped the door of its hinges and reached into the car pulling out the brown coffee cup that Rachmiel had bled in. He turned to run back, but stopped in his tracks at the blond suddenly standing in front of him.

"You know you could just wait here for a few minutes, put on a show and let everyone think you tried to save him. Then when he kicks the bucket we can go back to spending all our time together." Sam didn't have time to go tête-à-tête with Satan and ran back to the house. Lucifer was waiting by the door, arms folded over his chest and leaning against the frame. "You know I'm starting to doubt your dedication to this relationship."

Sam ignored him and went to the kitchen grabbing two dish towels and marched over to the bedroom with Lucifer close behind. Dean had pulled the chair closer to Castiel, he leaned his head against one hand and stared blankly at the dying man. He didn't see Sam who had stopped a few steps from entering the room, the sent of blood and sweet suddenly hitting him full force. Lucifer was talking to him but he couldn't really hear, he could only grip the cup tight in his hands and think how Castiel was the reason he needed Rachmiel's blood and now he was going to take it from him. His mind hissed that Castiel had never done anything for him so why should he help him now when he was so close to being out of the way. His body heated up and his grip tightened till his hand shook with the effort, he was seconds away from turning around anf walking right out of the house before Dean's voice snapped him out of it.

"Sam!" Dean shouted. "Why the hell did you run out like that?" Sam didn't answer only unscrewed the lid and dipping the edge of the dish clothes inside. He gave one to Dean who looked up at Sam like he'd gone insane.

"Angel blood." He said, like it was any kind of explanation, and when Dean's expression didn't change Sam dragged the bloody rag along one of Castiel's wounds. The whip mark glowed and his flesh knit itself back together right in front of there eyes and Castiel instantly took a deep breath. Dean finally clued in to what Sam was doing and reached forward to rub the blood against another wound before Sam grabbed his wrist. "We don't have a lot Dean, we have to make it last."

Dean nodded and they focused on his back for now, the smaller wounds disappearing with barely even a scar though the deeper ones healed to rough scabs. Half way through his back Castiel woke up and though he was groggy Dean managed to move him till he sat up, he dipped the cloth in the cup again and pushed slightly into the gash on Castiel's side. Sam continued on Castiel's back and Castiel mostly stayed silent except for the occasional sighs of relief. Dean grabbed Castiel wrist and held the bloody cloth to the wound in his hand, he hesitated before pushing in, feeling bone and raw flesh as he pushed through to the other side. He could see his finger on the other side and he could feel Castiel's muscles tighten even through the cloth. He quickly pulled out and he could feel the hole close up beneath his finger but it still didn't fully heal the wound, he saw Castiel's fingers twitch slightly but his wrist remained stiff. The other holes were easier now that Dean knew what to expect and suddenly all Dean had left to work on was what ever was underneath the gauze around his eyes. He tried to avoid it, he helped Sam unravel the barb wire around Castiel's head, nicked himself a few times in the process but managed to do it without adding any more holes to Castiel's scalp. Then there was just the gauze and Dean lifted his hands up fully prepared to see empty sockets once the gauze fell away but as soon as he touched the fabric Castiel's hands shot up and grabbed him.

"Don't." Castiel rasped out, his hands burned with the effort of keeping Dean away from him.

"Castiel, I need to-"

"I don't want to know." He really didn't, as long as his eyes were wrapped up tight Castiel could cling to the hope that they were still there but once Dean pulled the gauze away he'd have to face his fears. Castiel whimpered but his hands fell away from Dean to weak to keep holding on to him. Dean looked over to Sam who kneeled behind Castiel on the bed and nodded, Sam reached up and tugged on the gauze till it fell off. Scratches were scattered across Castiel's eye lids and smudged eyeliner read _Surprise!_ But the scratches were superficial at best and Dean could see the movement of Castiel's eyes bellow the lids. Dean let out the breath he'd been holding which Castiel seemed to have taken has a bad sign because he pulled away from Dean and bumped into Sam.

"Cas, listen man, you're okay." Dean reached over and ran a thumb beneath Castiel eye feeling the rough scratches around his soft skin. "Open your eyes."

Castiel froze, Dean in front of him and Sam behind him, it made him feel trapped and now Dean was trying to tell him he was fine. He took a deep breath and forced his eyelids open expecting to see nothing but blackness but seeing Dean's face instead. Dean gave him a half smile, dropping the rag into the now empty coffee cup and holding out a hand to help him up. Castiel didn't take it, only stared at Dean's bloody fingers with a mix of both fascination and disgust. Dean was just about to take his hand back, cursing himself that a hand covered in blood would obviously upset Castiel, but as soon as Dean moved Castiel sprang on him grabbing Dean's hand in his own and pulled him closer. Dean was surprised to say the least and his eyebrows shot up when Castiel took Dean's fingers in his mouth. He felt Castiel suck gently, running his tongue up and done the blood stained digits, Dean was about ready to yell at Castiel till he felt Castiel's tongue push his fingers to the side of his mouth. The tips of his fingers brushed against Castiel's teeth, or at least were his teeth _should_ have been, as it was though there a large gap between Castiel molars where he was missing one tooth on the right side and two on the other. The sudden realization caught Dean off guard and he didn't immediately pull away from Castiel, but the whole situation was too weird for Sam who gently tugged on Castiel's shoulders till he wined and let go of Dean. Castiel's jaw shifted from side to side testing to see if the blood had healed the tender pulp in his mouth.

"That was uh weird. " Dean looked at Castiel who was rolling his eyes back and forth, round and round like he had gotten used to the idea of not having eyes and was enjoying being wrong. He was usually silent but he hummed softly which Dean frankly found a bit creepy but he wasn't screaming or crying so Dean decided to not push the matter. Rachmiel's blood had probably saved Castiel's life but it hadn't healed him fully, there were still give deep lines on Castiel's back, one had barely even closed and probably needed stitches and the holes in his hands and feet had filled up but till made the joints still and nearly useless. Dean would have to carry Castiel back to the car at the very least and what a time to be without a wheelchair.

"Um Dean." Sam murmured snapping Dean out of his thoughts. Sam stretched out Castiel's arm and pointed to his inner elbow where five tiny pin pricks stood out against the pale skin. Castiel reached over to Sam tugging at a strand of hair and smiled, his face unusually serine despite the obvious amount of pain he should be in. Dean dropped down to his knees and grabbed Castiel's face between his hands forcing him to look down at the hunter. Despite his face being angled down to Dean he avoided his gaze, Castiel's eyes darted up to the ceiling then to the window and back again.

"Cas, look at me Cas, did she give you something?" Castiel grimaced his still bloody tongue ran across his dry lips and he refused to answer Dean. "Come on answer me, what did you give you."

"I'd like to go home now." Castiel's voice was so soft Dean had to strain to hear it. He growled, annoyed at how uncooperative Castiel was being, he squeezed his hands tighter, Castiel's cheeks pushed together against the force and he would have looked almost comical if Dean wasn't teetering on the edge of anger. Castiel's eyes finally dropped down to Dean and he smiled with such sincerity it looked out of place on a usually cold face. Dean felt Castiel's fingers brush against his jaw then rub gentle circles on his forehead. "Michael."

"Dean." He snapped shaking Castiel slightly as if to force the name deep into his brain. But Castiel had turned to Sam, forcing Dean's hands off him so he could study the taller man. The same smile stretched across his lips and he lifted his hand to touch Sam's forehead as well. Dean saw Castiel's lips move forming an L sounds and Dean quickly interrupted. "You want to go home?"

Castiel looked at him curiously before nodding, his hand dropped away from Sam and Dean sighed in relief because the last thing Sam need was to be compared to Lucifer. Castiel started to stand but Dean forced him to stay seated or else he'd put too much pressure on his injured feet. "I'll carry you there, you're sick and we're going to help you. Do you understand me?"

Castiel nodded again and shuffled his feet on the ground like he was trying to test out what Dean had told him. Dean saw the bloody print one foot left and sighed, they needed to get Cas out of there and close off the rest of his wounds before he bled to death all over again. He stood up and rubbed a hand over his tired eyes silently praying to Rachmiel or any angel that wasn't a total dick to come down and help them out even though he knew no one would answer. Sharp nails suddenly dragged across his arm and Dean yelped in surprise, startling Castiel who quickly drew his hand back. Dean ran his hand over the scratches, three tiny lines at the edge of the burn that Castiel had left years ago. He looked at Castiel like he expected an explanation but all he said was "Ozien."

Castiel smiled again and Dean groaned, it was going to be a long night.

* * *

><p><strong>Ozien is 'my hand' in Enochian and I must say that my Enochian dictionary is one of the best things I've ever downloaded :)<strong>

**And Castiel has finally been rescued :D but is a little worse for wear don't worry though he'll be fine...eventually...probably...He might act a little insane next chapter because it's plot relevant and I love crazy Cas 3**


	10. Chapter 10

Castiel doesn't say a single word on the way back to the motel, just sits quietly in the backseat and stares at his hands as if they were some foreign object. Occasionally Dean sees him lift his eyes up in the rearview mirror, the black liner still staining his eyelids, the letter's P and R written across the bridge of his nose even when the rest is covered up. Dean tried to keep level headed, reminding himself that Castiel was currently bleeding all over his car and unless Rachmiel suddenly popped in they were going to be taking care of him for _months, _that Nikki had drugged him and they had no idea what was pumping through his veins. The sun was just beginning to rise when they pulled up from the motel and all three of them should have been exhausted but there was still so much to do.

"Come on Cas, I'll help you inside." Dean opened the car door and held his hands out for Castiel who ignored him and didn't move. "You can't walk on your own." Castiel still didn't move and Dean was forced to grab his shoulders and pull him from the car. It was a little awkward carrying a man Castiel's size bridal style and he wasn't making it any easier for Dean but eventually he managed to get him inside and on the bed. Sam stitched up the gash on Castiel's back, insisting that Dean would just fuck it up again, Castiel barely seemed to notice the prick of the needle instead picking at a loose string on the blanket and had fallen asleep half way through. They had no idea what to do with the wounds on his hands and feet, Sam mentioned that could cauterize the wounds but Dean flat our refused.

"_Eli Eli lama sabachthani_." Lucifer chuckled and Sam gave him a hard glare that he didn't bother hiding from Dean. "Oh come on, that was kinda funny."

"I'm going to bed." Sam spat ignoring the look Dean shot him, he twitched when Lucifer's laughter rang out and he cut Dean off before he could say anything. "We'll figure everything out in the morning."

Dean wanted to argue but Sam laid on the bed and turned his back to him signifying the end of the conversation. Exhaustion was tugging at him anyways so he pulled the lumpy chair closer and sat down, propped his feet up on Castiel's bed and decided to take Sam's advice.

* * *

><p>Warm sunlight filtered across Dean's face slowly rousing him from sleep. His body ached from sleeping in the chair, his neck stiff and caused a sharp pain shot right through his skull. His eyes opened enough to see the empty bed in front of him, warm and inviting, and his sleepy mind weighed the choice of going back to sleep or moving to the soft bed. He had just settled on letting himself fall back asleep when a tiny alarm went off in his head, his eyes snapped open and he jumped to his feet. The bed was empty, he'd been asleep only a few hours and Castiel was <em>gone<em>. He cursed and ran for the door not even bothering to wake Sam up, Cas had two holes in his feet he couldn't have gotten far. As it was though Dean didn't get far either because a few steps into his run his feet caught on something and he tumbled to the ground.

He hit his head hard enough that he saw stars and his brain instantly switched to hunter mode, grabbing his gun and spinning onto his back, aiming at whatever had tripped him. When he saw Castiel lying on the floor he wasn't sure if he wanted to sigh in relief or yell in frustration. "What the hell Cas?"

"Water." He mumbled staring up at the ceiling with wide unblinking eyes. Dean rose up to his knees and rubbed the sore spot on his forehead.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Wanted water, then I fell." Castiel turned his head slightly to look at Dean then closed his eyes and sighed. "Tired."

"Here," Dean held a hand out to him "I'll help you back on the bed."

"No."

"What?"

"I am fine here."

"Your backs pretty messed up, you shouldn't be on it." Dean leaned down and tugged on Castiel's arm trying to force him up but his body was loose like a ragdoll and as soon as Dean let go he flopped back down to the ground. "Seriously?"

"I am fine here." And apparently he was since he didn't move for the rest of the day, even when Sam woke up and stepped on Castiel's hand walking over to Dean. They both tried to ignore that Castiel seemed to be subbing for a carpet all day, Dean cleaned the blood off the back seat and Sam called Bobby to fill him in. By the time lunch rolled around Dean had gotten tired of walking over Cas and sat down next to him, nudging his arm out of the way to make room.

"You wanna talk about why you're doing this?"

"Attention." Sam coughed from his bed.

"They'll fly away." Castiel yawned

"Huh?"

"My wings." Castiel's voice didn't waiver, he didn't seem upset only stating a fact.

"Uh, okay." Dean really did not want to talk about that, Dean did not do emotional conversations and he was sure the 'fall from grace' one would be awkward as hell. "And we're all totally fine with you doing…that. But you gotta eat something, I got you some shakes, figured you couldn't really chew with your…"

Dean got up and rifled through the paper bag and pulled out a vanilla slim fast, of course when he turned back around Castiel was still sprawled on the floor. He handed Sam the shake and pulled Castiel up by his shoulders, who promptly fell back as soon as Dean let go.

"Fuck, can you sit up for five freaking seconds." Dean forced him up again and Castiel remained as Dean put him. Dean grabbed the can out of Sam's hand and grunted "Thank you."

Sam could practically see Castiel counting to five in his head before he dropped right back down. Dean stood next to him, jaw clenched and a slim fast in hand, Sam had to bite back a laugh or risk become the target of Dean's anger.

"You really want to play this game Cas?" He doesn't answer only gives a slight nod of his head. And after Dean took a short nap to prepare for war the ten hour battle began, Castiel versus Dean. It started with Dean cleaning Castiel's wounds, at least the ones he could reach, with only a bottle of vodka and a rough dishcloth, scrubbing one of his feet so hard it started to bleed again. Castiel only response was to curl his toes slightly showing no other signs of pain so Dean huffed and moved onto his next tactic. He left and returned with a bag full of greasy burgers and spent ten minutes trying to lure Castiel with the food, a pointless plan as Castiel couldn't really chew solid food. Dean won a brief victory by forcing his AC/DC shirt on the smaller man; at least it would provide some protection from the scratchy carpet. Then Castiel stayed completely still through Dean pouring cold water on him, forcing room temperature Slim Fast down his throat and a number of other tactics that all barely Castiel to even blink. "This is getting old fast Cas."

"Indeed." Dean clicked his tongue, the gears in his head working over time to figure how to get Castiel to move. His eyes lit up when he finally had an 'ah-ha!' moment and nearly dove at his duffel bag, tossing clothes and weapons on the floor as he searched the bags contents. He pulled out a roll of duck tape and kneeled beside Castiel once again, he unrolled a strip across Castiel chest then tugged him up by his shirt. Dean began to wrap the silver tape around Castiel's torso, looping around seven or eight times before switching to the other side till there was an X of duck tape across his chest.

"There see? I fixed it, now you don't have to worry about your uh wings." Castiel slowly sat up, rolling his shoulders to test the strength of the tape and gently tugging his shirt to make sure it staid in place.

"Yes this is acceptable." He nodded. "I will be requiring one of the beds tonight, lying on the ground has made my back sore."

"Are you shitting me? I've been trying to get you off the ground since six a.m. now you want the bed? Give me one good reason why you should get the bed?" It was a joke of course, Cas was obviously getting the bed, especially after Dean saw the blood stain he'd left on the carpet. Castiel tilted his head to the side and his eyes narrowed, apparently he hadn't realized it was a joke at all.

"Because out of everyone in this room, I am the only one who has not had sex with a demon." Dean blinked down at Castiel then just walked into bathroom without saying a word, letting the accusation hang in the air. Dean leaned against the door and slunk to the ground, he really didn't have anything to say to that, he'd been to busy thinking of Cas to remember that _fuck _he'd had sex with a demon. And Sam was going to want to talk about it, if they ever met again Nikki was going to just rub it in his face and worse of all Cas _knew_. Knew that while Castiel was bleeding to death no less then fifty feet away Dean was in bed with the woman that nailed him to the ground. He wished he could say it couldn't get any worse but he knew it always did.

**I'm not very happy with this chapter, it's kinda just filler, so I'm sorry if you think it's absolutely sucky. I just had to get Cas back to the motel before I could get to anything involving plot...Don't worry the next one will be better I promise!**


	11. Chapter 11

Dean turned the hot water on full and scrubbed and scrubbed till there wasn't a trace of sulphur or cheap perfume left on him. His skin was raw once he got out, the water having long turned ice cold. He dried of and got dressed but stayed in the bathroom, sat on the floor and waited patiently till the noise on the other side of the door died down and he knew everyone had fallen asleep. When he was sure they were had gone to bed Dean slowly opened the door and peaked out, finding both Sam and Castiel wrapped up in their blankets. Dean sighed in relief, now he just had to avoid being alone with either of them and he'd never have to talk about the 'Suzie' incident ever again. He pulled the chair farther away from Castiel's bed careful not to wake the fallen angel.

He didn't know when he fell asleep, hell he would have thought it impossible to sleep two nights in that damn chair, but his eyes snapped opened in the middle of the night to find Cas's bed empty again. Hushed murmurs sounded from the other side of the bed, Dean rubbed a hand over his sore eyes way too tired to deal with whatever was happening with Castiel. "Hey man you need to sleep, you're not going to get any better if you don't."

Castiel popped up from between the two beds, hands gripping a pair of dark sunglasses he had shoved on over his eyes. "Go back to sleep Dean."

"What's up with you?" Castiel ducked back down again out of Dean's sight and continued mumbling words too soft for Dean to hear. Dean stood up and stretched out his back, sore and tender from another night in that accursed chair, he lied down across the bed and looked down at the ex-angel as he riffled through Sam's duffle bag. "Sam's going to be pissed that you're messing up all his stuff."

"I require more tape."

"I'll buy you some tape in the morning." He yawned. "Just take the sunglasses off, only douchbags wear sunglasses at night." He reached over to Castiel, his fingers had barely brushed the tip of the glasses when he felt the hard edge of teeth clamp down on his skin.

"What the hell?" He hissed ripping his hand away from Castiel. "Did you just bite me?"

"Do not try that again." Castiel picked up the now empty bag, turned it upside down and shook it like there could be something still hiding in it. "You should sleep Dean."

"It's hard to sleep when I have to spend all my time worrying over you." Castiel dropped the bag on the ground and looked over at Dean. His lips were drawn in a tight line but the large black sunglasses obscured a third of his eyes.

"I find it hard to believe that you worrying over me could interfere with your sleep patterns but not your sex drive." Castiel pointed out, not bothering to mask the bitterness behind it. It grew quite, Castiel waited for a response, Dean rolled over and pretended to fall asleep instead.

* * *

><p>"You bought burgers yesterday, I want one." Castiel crossed his arms over his chest and looked over at the table away from the Slim Fast shake Dean held out for him.<p>

"Cas, you're missing _teeth_, this morning you spit up blood for forty minutes. Let's stick with this till your mouth heals over." Dean pushed the can into Castiel's hands, which were now both wrapped in black wrist guards that kept him from re-opening the wounds up again."

"Okay, Bobby sent me a list to help narrow down what Nikki could have juiced him up with." Sam slid over to the side of the bed resting the laptop on his knees. Castiel looked at the can in his hand and Dean felt stupid when he realized Cas had no idea how to open a tin can. "So I guess I can cross out anything that has physical symptoms, you don't have any burns or rashes or anything."

Castiel took a deep breath then poured the contents down his throat, he gagged and spit the shake right back into the can and giving it back to Dean. "Uh ok, vanilla sucks let's try the strawberry."

"I'm assuming you were just talking to yourself earlier and not an unholy legion of the undead, so I can cross off this whole section." Sam hit the down button on his computer as Castiel tried the next can, swallowing it down this time but still gave the can back to Dean.

"That's cool, I saved the best for last, chocolate can never taste bad."

"You're not experiencing a strong urge to have sex are you?"

"I am not going to answer that."

"Uh I'll take that as a no. Have you been having weird nightmares?"

"You have to sleep to have nightmares." Dean snorted opening the chocolate Slim Fast shake.

"Right, have you felt overly irritable the last few days?" Cas stared at Sam for a long moment, brows drawn together in annoyance. Sam opened his mouth to repeat the question when Castiel held his arm straight out and poured the chocolate shake onto the bed. Dean swore and jumped up seconds before the chocolate goo seeped into his jeans but Castiel stayed perfectly still even as it all puddle around him. "Okay check for irritable."

The list was long, Sam spent the rest of the day examining Cas and cross checking the list but nothing matched up. He had everything from Shinto to Kabala and no spell, curse or even main stream drugs would have caused his symptoms. There was of course always the possibility that somewhere amongst all the knives and barbwire Castiel had simply lost his mind but Sam kept that opinion to himself for now. When Castiel started talking to himself again, ignoring the two brothers as the poked and prodded him, Dean finally gave up for the day and went to bed. Sam was smart enough to know not to sleep in the chair like Dean and instead he grabbed the cushion off it and lied on the floor.

The seal on Sam's chest was starting to wear thin and the hallucinations were seeping back in which meant the nightmares were already going full blast. Fire and brimstone burned at his psyche till he could feel it on his bones and he was back to sleeping two hours at a time. It was actually almost selfish he made Dean sleep in the chair the last couple nights, you don't really need all that much comfort when you spend most of the night listen to the devils rendition of the 80s greatest hits.

And the cycle was beginning all over again, he woke up gasping for air and skin slick with sweat. He told himself he was okay, his brother was only a few feet away and it was all just a dream. He pushed the thing blanket off himself and turned over hoping to be able to get a few more hours of sleep before the sun rose.

"Cas? What are you doing on the floor?" He didn't know why he bothered asking, Castiel wasn't making much sense anymore but it was a little unnerving to suddenly find Castiel lying so close and staring at him.

"We need to go Sam." Cas was curled up on his side and his head cradled in the crook of one of his arms. His face was hard, like when Sam met him for the first time, determined and focused almost to the point of being cold.

"Go where?"

"Your brothers waiting and we must go quickly." Castiel hand darted out and gripped Sam's wrist as hard as his wounded muscles would allow. "I've come to save you from perdition."

Sam gritted his teeth because _no_ Castiel hadn't really ever saved him from perdition. He'd brought an empty body back and left him to scream and burn, he'd left the most important part of him to be torn up and when he finally had something to put him back together Cas tore down his walls. Sam raised himself up to his knees and called out to his brother "Dean, get up."

Dean gave a soft groan but kept sleeping and with out a word Castiel had moved himself up to kneel in front of Sam, blue eyes softening seeing the rage set against Sam's face. "Don't be afraid."

"Seriously Cas, you're pushing you luck, go back to sleep." Castiel reached up and cupped Sam's cheeks beneath his stiff hands, Sam tensed when the fallen angel pushed their foreheads together. He started listing the reasons why breaking Castiel's arm would be a bad idea but he could feel hot breath against his lips and he really didn't care if Castiel wasn't in his right mind, if he leaned in and kissed him Sam wouldn't be responsible for his actions.

"I can save you Sam but you need to be strong." Castiel made no movement to act on what Sam thought he was going to do, he seemed content with how they where then even with the way Sam's body tensed every time he breathed. "Just don't look back."

* * *

><p>Sam didn't mention the incident with Castiel to Dean when he woke up, beside the near awkwardness of it the last time his brother thought something had happened between the two of them he flew off the handle. Breakfast was blander then usually but at least it wasn't swimming in grease, neither of them talked much, Sam double checked the list Bobby had sent and Dean just listened to Castiel's slow breathing to make sure he didn't die in his sleep or anything.<p>

Dean really wasn't used to staying in one spot for so long, he'd only just gotten out of the first motel room they had Cas in when the whole mess started over again and he had no idea how long they'd be stuck there now. With Lisa and Ben at least he was always busy but now the sum of his day was trying to get Castiel to eat something without him pouring it all over the bed.

"Dean." Castiel murmured from his bed, eye still heavy from sleep and he slowly pushed him self up which Dean took as a sign that he was in pain finally and hopefully meant he was going to slow down. Castiel looked around the room with bleary confused eyes that finally settled over at Dean. "I'm in a motel."

"Yep." Dean grunted biting into his breakfast burrito.

"How did I get here?"

"You don't remember?"

"No, the last thing I remember is…" Castiel looked down at his bound hands, twisting them to the front and back. It must have been hard to believe they once had nails in them with the wounds covered up. A part of Castiel tried to reason that he hadn't taken enough pills, he must have only fallen asleep and everything after that had all been a bad dream. After all he was still in a motel room with the Winchesters when he should be dead, should still be nailed to the floor.

He grabbed the small garbage can next to the bed threw up for the second time in his miserable human existence.

**So probably not one of my best works and it's a little choppy but don't worry next chapter is where it starts getting good again :). It got a little Sassy in this chapter so I apologize if any of you hated that and promise that Cas was in no way about to molest Sam. **

**Enjoy! please review *puppy dog eyes***


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel was for the most part back to normal, though every now and then Dean could hear him talking to himself and those damn _sunglasses_ kept appearing on his face. They questioned him about Nikki and what she could have possible given him, he said he had no idea but Dean had an inkling that he was lying. Still it had been a whole three days without Castiel mentioning the encounter Dean had had with Nikki so Dean was counting his blessings and hoped it never came up again.

Castiel could walk, well more like wobble, there weren't any broken bones in his feet like Dean had thought but Castiel could still only move a few feet at a time. Dean had made it clear to Sam that Castiel was to be watched at all time, there wasn't going to be any more suicide attempts or kidnappings.

"She'll be back." Castiel told him one night from the back seat of the impala on the way to the next town, one step closer to Bobby's.

"Well provided you don't do anything stupid, I don't see how she could possibly get to you without going through me and Sammy." Castiel glanced over at Sam as he leaned against the window and snored softly, his breath leaving foggy streaks against the glass.

"Sam doesn't like me." His voice is strained as if he's worried Sam might possibly give him over to the demon just to force Castiel out of his life.

"You did steal his sunglasses."

"Everything would be much worse without these glasses." Dean doesn't ask him about that because the haze of drugs still twisted at Castiel's logic so he'd probably get an even more ambiguous answer. "It's unfortunate, I had thought things were getting better."

"This has been hard on him to, his Satan-vision has been coming back." Sometimes it was like things were exactly how they used to be between the three of them but Sam was a ticking time bomb and there was no telling when he was going to go off. This morning he had gone out in the morning to get Castiel yogurt when he said he was sick of Slim Fast, then right before they'd gotten in the car Sam freaked at Cas for supposedly scuffing his shoe. Dean was counting the minutes till they got to Bobby's and he could separate the two of them and not have to live in the constant battle field.

"You shouldn't have wasted to blood on me Dean."

"Wasted the- Cas you were going to _die_." Castiel shrugged though it turned into flinch when he felt a tug on his cuts.

"Doubtful, what ever Nikki is planning isn't over." Dean tried to argue with him but Castiel cut him off. "I'm tired, find a motel."

* * *

><p>When Dean's phone rang the next night he almost let it go to voice mail because he just needed a few hours to himself. Castiel had already fallen asleep and Sam had just been bitchy all day so Dean had left under the pretense of getting some food. That was three hours ago and apparently Sam had only just figured out he wasn't planning on coming back anytime soon. He picked up on the last ring and Sam only ordered "Come back now" before he hung up. Dean walked on the yellow line of the parking lot one foot in front of the other to make sure he was sober enough to drive and decided he could handle the eight minute drive back to the motel. Sam's waiting for him outside the door and before Dean could bitch him out for leaving Cas alone, Sam had already grabbed the keys out of his hands and sped off.<p>

Castiel's was sitting on one of the beds fiddling with his wrist brace and of course those ugly sunglasses are back on. Dean sighed and kicked off his boots way to sober then he should be at eleven at night. "What happened?"

"I'm bleeding…" Was Castiel's sheepish reply like it was something he should be ashamed of. "My back."

Dean grabbed the make shift first aid kit out of Sam's bag and sat in front of Castiel who was fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. His hands were still weak to do it and Dean was a bit to tipsy to manage such precise coordination, so Dean just grabbed his knife said "screw it" and cut the shirt in half. "I'll just by you a new one."

Castiel nodded, the glasses slipped farther down his nose and he quickly shoved them back up. Dean ran his thumb just below the edge of the scab between Castiel's ribs, his breath hitched and Dean pulled his hand back. "Does it still hurt?"

"A little." Castiel laid a hand over his ribs, the bones pushed out against his skin, Dean hadn't realized how thin Cas had gotten since he'd gone human. Dean grabbed on to the pale skin of Castiel's waist and forced him to turn around so Dean could fix his back. He gently pushed on the biggest gash to see if the stitches had loosened but they held in place. Some of the wounds had healed without even leaving a mark, others had swelled up with white scar tissue and there were still five or six unhealed cuts across his back some healed over and one only being held together by a hell of a lot of stitches. It oozed blood out of the center in time with Castiel heartbeat and Dean decided to clean that one last. He gently rubbed the wet cloth over the smaller scabs Castiel shifted uncomfortably so he tried to be softer, dabbing instead but the alcohol in the mixture still burned. Castiel hissed when he moved to the ones that hadn't scabbed over he attempted to hold still but his body still tried to arch away from the pain.

"I'm almost done." He promised when Castiel reached back to grip Dean's knee and a tiny whimper escaped past his lips. Castiel nodded for Dean to finish but his hold on Dean didn't loosen in fact it only tightened when the cloth brushed against the stitched wound. When the last of the blood was washed away, Dean dropped the rag on the first-aid box, his hands wrapped around Castiel's sides just below where the cuts started. "There that wasn't so bad."

Castiel's breath is still rough and uneven, Dean started to rub his hands up and down trying to calm Cas down. He leaned in closer and assured him over and over "you're okay."

A tiny voice in his head warned him that Sam could come back any minute but he doesn't understand it because he's just comforting a friend, it's not like anything weird was happening. Then Castiel sighed tiredly and leaned back, his head rested against Dean's shoulder and the hunter's hand wandered up the pale skin of his chest. Dean was careful this time, his finger glided gently over the other man's skin, he avoided any cuts or bruises and he doesn't push or pull only let's Castiel move his own body. Because Dean knew that if there was any sign that Castiel was hurt, if there was even the smallest wince Dean would loose his nerve and pull away.

Dean nose nudged at Castiel cheek and Castiel twisted his head, baring his neck to Dean. The hunter dipped down into the crook of Castiel's neck, biting down then running his tongue over the red flesh soothingly. Castiel's body kept tensing then relaxing as if it was unsure how to react, each breath was a short gasp and he struggled to arch into the touch of Dean's hands and keep neck still under Dean's tongue.

Hands slid up to grab Castiel's shoulders and pushed him away, he started to protest thinking Dean had changed his mind. Dean quickly turned him around and pulled Cas into his lap, slammed his lips against his and silenced anything Castiel was going to say. He gripped Castiel's hips pulling him closer but Sam's sunglasses kept sliding down Castiel's nose and hitting Dean's cheek, which was really ruining the mood. He trailed his hands up, never breaking contact with Castiel skin, and lifted the glasses off.

"Wait-Don't!" Castiel gasped out pushing away from Dean and unintentionally letting the glasses be pulled away from his eyes. The reaction made Dean pause, Castiel looked at him like he expected to burst into flames any second. "I- I can explain."

"Explain what?" All kinds of alarms were going off in Dean's head, Castiel's eyes are wide and panicky any trace of lust gone and he'd already moved half way out of Dean's lap as if expecting Dean might attack him. His mind silently waged war against itself half chastised him for taking advantage of someone who might not be totally in the right state of mind and the other half telling him his pants were way to tight to think of stopping now. Castiel didn't give him time to decide which voice to listen to, his lips were on Dean running his tongue on Dean's lower lip till he felt Dean open up for him. If Dean still had any doubts about Castiel's willingness they were chased away when he grinded his hips against Dean, the hard line of his cock rubbed against Dean's stomach.

Dean hooked his fingers into the waist band of Castiel's sweat pants, tugging down till Castiel bobbed free and he groaned into Dean's mouth when he felt the cold air against his hot skin. Dean grabbed him at his base and Castiel pulled away from Dean's lips to finally gasp for air but didn't move other wise. Despite the fog in Dean's head the thought that Castiel didn't really know what to do because Dean was the first one to ever touch him like this. Dean didn't wasn't sure if that realization should have make him feel guilty or excited.

Dean ran a thumb over Castiel's head swirling the pearly liquid that leaked out, the ex angel moaned, dropped his head down to the crook of the other man's neck and his hands held on Dean's shoulder for dear life. Dean moved his hand, pumping up and down Castiel's cock and his other hand reached up to stroke his hair. He could have laughed when he felt Castiel move his hips, not happy with the pace Dean had set he started to fuck himself into Dean's hand instead. He groaned into Dean's neck and repeated his name over and over, almost begging, as if he wasn't the one doing all the work.

His rhythm became erratic, his words slurred together till they were almost unrecognizable and Dean's grip tightened knowing Castiel was close. The hum of an engine outside didn't register to Dean at first, to focused on the sounds Castiel made, when it did though his eyes snapped open and any trace of lusty haze disappeared.

"Shit." He let go of Cas and pushed him off his lap. Castiel cried out against the hot pain of his injured back hitting the bed hard, he arched up in agony but Dean only took that as an opportunity to pull his pants back up. "Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit."

"Dean." He gasped out when the hunter ripped the blankets out from under him the rough wool tugged at his stitches. Dean threw the blanket over him and quickly jumped on the other bed, lied on his stomach and grabbed the first book he saw just as the door opened.

"I brought food, as a thank you for you two putting up with my crazy mood swings." Sam smiled holding up a brown paper bag in one hand and a chocolate milk shake.

"Uh, ya thanks." Dean said trying to keep his voice even and steady. He glanced over at Castiel who had curled onto his side and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Why are you reading a book about Japanese ghosts?" Sam asked dropping the bag at the edge of his bed.

"Internet's out." He lied.

"Dean, please tell you don't look at porn while you're supposed to be watching Cas."

Dean hoped Sam didn't notice the look that crossed Dean's face or at least mistook it for guilt. "No, who needs porn when there are bars with easy women."

"Gross." Sam bitch faced at Dean and walked over to Castiel. The blanket covered most of the bottom of his face and the black sunglasses he'd shoved back on obscured the rest. "Here," Sam held out the cup for Cas "this is a real milkshake, not the shitty diet stuff Dean keeps giving you."

"I'm not hungry."

"Are you okay?" Sam asked noticing the flushed colour of Castiel usually pale skin. "Do you have a fever again?"

Sam tried to feel Castiel forehead but he pulled the blanket up over the rest of his face and growled out "Leave me alone, I'm tired."

Castiel didn't move from the bed for the rest of the night and when Dean woke up the next day Castiel hadn't budged though the contents of the cup Sam bought had disappeared. He stayed in the exact position all the way through lunch, which annoyed Sam because he had no one to yell at when he went into bitch mode. Dean avoided looking at the lump on the bed at all cost or else the guilt started to gnaw at his stomach.

They headed back out on the road just after lunch, Sam said he was tired and asked to sleep in the back and Dean nearly bit his head off when he told him no, hell if he was going to sit next to Cas the whole ride. Dean barely made it four hours in the car before he couldn't stand the feeling of Castiel's eye burning into the back of his head. He pulled into the closest motel and told Sam to find them a room, ready for Castiel to yell at him at soon as his brother left.

"Dean," Castiel started, exactly like Dean had predicted "I understand you don't want Sam to know about us but-"

"_Us_? Shit Cas there's no...last night was just…"He took a deep breath and gripped the steering wheel. "Look I went to a bar last night and I drank more then I should have and then Sam called before I had time to-"

"You're saying last night only happened because Sam called you home before you could have sex with someone else?"

"When you say it like that I sound like a jackass." Dean forced himself not to look in the rearview mirror, forced himself to look straight ahead.

"Phrase it in a way where you don't." Castiel gets out of the car before Dean could even attempt such an impossible answer. He passed Sam and grabbed the key right out of his hand, walked over to the room and ignored how the ground felt like broken glass against his feet every time he took a step.

"What did you do?" Sam asked when Dean got out of the car.

"What? What makes you think I did anything? The two of you are in a constant bitch fest." They followed after Cas, Dean already making plans to ditch them and go out drinking for another night. He opened the door and bumped right into Castiel who hadn't even made it three steps into the room. "What the hell Cas?"

A noise sounded from the small attached kitchen and pushed Castiel aside to get a look. Someone was kneeling on the counter and searching through the cupboards, he couldn't see her face but recognized the outfit as Rachmiel's. "Coffee, peanut butter, stale cereal don't they stalk anything good?"

"Rachmiel." Dean stepped towards the kitchen but Castiel's hand darted out and stopped him. He slowly shook his head, silently telling him _that's not Rachmiel_.

"Sorry I had to improvise vessel wise. Rachmiel thought you might stab me on sight if I showed up in mine." She opened the next cupboard and started to refill through it as well. "Do you have any honey? It's been _so_ long since I've had honey."

"Honey?" Castiel asked softly before his eyes narrowed and he straightened up like he was preparing for a fight. "Mastema."

"Hello, big brother." She grinned, holding on to the doors of the cupboard and leaning back, the door's hinges creaked in protest against her wait. "Rachmiel's busy, asked me to come check on you."

"Get out." Castiel hissed. Mastema jumped off the counter and wiped off the dust on her knees. She shot Castiel a bemused look, walked over to him and did the signature angel move of invading personal space.

"Look I know maybe we didn't end things well last time, but it's not like I 'm gonna leave you with faux stigmata. So..' She trailed off raising two fingers up to Castiel's forehead.

"You were a soldier to Lucifer." Mastema's fingers stopped half an inch from Castiel hovering over the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, right up till you locked him up." Her hand dropped back to her side. "It sort of lost its appeal after that."

"And they just let you return to heaven's ranks."

"Let me return." She laughed. "They gave me a promotion."

"Sounds about right." Dean snorted.

"You…" Castiel breathed. "You've killed millions. Egypt, Babylon, _The Inquisition_, how can they just…"

"Yes, I've been a bad, bad girl the last few millenniums but you know if I could go back and do it all over again-"

"You'd do it exactly the same way." Castiel snapped.

"Oh Castiel, you know me so well." She smiled, trying to look sweet but it didn't even come close to covering up the sinister look of it. "In fact I'm only back in Heaven because there's not much room for angels in Hell since Crowley took over. I'd rebel in a second if there was ever a chance for Lucifer coming back. But I have things to do, so I don't really have time to chat."

She reached out for Castiel again, her fingers had barely grazed his forehead when she screamed and flew back. She grabbed her wrist, black veins ran from her fingertips all the way up her arm, she hissed when she saw it and looked back up at Castiel who was just as shocked as she was. "What the hell did that demon do? Are you like cursed or something?"

"I…" Castiel looked down at his hands like he'd some how done that on purpose. There's a flutter of wings and Mastema was gone, Dean told Sam to get his bag out of the car because they're angel proofing every inch of the room ASAP. He nodded and rushed back outside, Dean turned back to Castiel whose hand's shook from a mix of fear and shock. He rested a hand on the back of Castiel's neck hoping to calm him down but Castiel instantly stepped away from him.

"Cas."

"I have nothing to say to you Dean." He almost hissed, storming off to the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

* * *

><p><strong>So I totally swear that eventually Dean and Cas are actually going to get to the point where they mess around without Den freaking out half way through and running off. Hopefully sometime soon.<strong>

**Also even I as the writer was like 'Wow Dean you are just a jerk' when I was writing the scene in the impala, poor little Cas :( I should get someone to hug him next chapter so he won't feel so lonely all the time :(**

**Enjoy! Please review :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**So I don't now if this is going to affect anyone but there is some spoilers for season 3 of Jersey Shore…of course I also don't watch JS so I could have completely screwed up the spoiler making it not a spoiler at all…uh so ya.**

If Castiel's mood wasn't enough indication to Sam that something was wrong, Dean keeping a minimum of five feet between him and Cas certainly was. They were only three hours from Bobby's house when they got a call about a ghost the next town over. Sam and Dean argued the whole way over whether they should take it or not, when asked Cas only replied that he didn't care about anything anymore, which only started a whole new argument. By the time they had reached the city Lucifer had disappeared from view and Sam was suddenly back to normal but Dean now had all this rage and no where to direct it. Which like usual meant he was ditching them at the motel and going some where to drink.

"Sorry." Sam apologized to Castiel when he saw the sour look on his face as the impala sped away. He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for though he knew it probably involved Dean and he was both curious and terrified to know exactly how it involved Dean. He wanted to ask Cas exactly what had been happening when Sam wasn't looking, he expected something like 'Dean and I, we fight too much' but was secretly dreading Cas might look at him with his head tilted and blurt out 'your brother and I have been having sex on your bed the last few weeks'.

Sam decided sitting silently at the table would be a better option. He opened his laptop and starting going through the town's newspaper while Castiel mindlessly flipped through an old magazine. Two hours and a dozen texts to his brother later Sam had finally dug up something about the poltergeist at 394 Mulberry Street but couldn't leave to check it out without taking Cas who seemed less then thrilled to tag along.

"I can be left alone, I won't do anything."

"I know Cas, it's just that Dean…"

"Dean is acting like a child." Sam hesitated by the motel door, what harm could it do to leave him alone for a few hours, Dean probably had some woman wrapped around him and wouldn't be back any time soon.

"You promise you're going to stay right here? And you won't do anything stupid?" Castiel looked at him as if to say _why would I tell you if I was going to do that?_ then nodded, trying to force a sincere smile. "I'll be quick, if Dean comes back just tell him that I got angry and left or something."

Dean knew by the first sip that the beer the restaurant served was crap but the chicken wings they came with were decent enough and all he really needed was to get away for a few hours. Even when the food had disappeared he lingered at the table as long as he could before the waitress started giving him the stink eye for taking up a booth. Finally he threw some money on the table and climbed back into the impala, taking the longest way possible back to the motel.

As he walked up to the door he happily noted that there weren't any screams coming from the room. He opened the door but found the room empty, he called both Castiel and Sam's name to make sure before he thanked God for some extra time to clear his head. Dean didn't even care that Sam hadn't bothered to leave a note or even lock the door because all he wanted was a hot shower and a long nap.

He stepped out of his boots and pulled his shirt off, tossing it in the direction of his bag before heading to bathroom. The thought crossed his mind that he should get back in the car and go find the other two, Cas really shouldn't be walking much till his feet healed more but if Sam was stupid enough to take him out that was his problem not Dean's. The bathroom door creaked open, Dean was in the process of removing his belt when he came face to face with a very flustered Castiel.

"Cas, what are you doing?" Dean glanced down at the phone in Castiel's hand then back up to the guilty look across his face, someone who's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"I was…I was trying to call Sam and tell him you'd returned." He looked down sheepishly at the phone he was holding. "But this is…this is his phone."

"Sam?" Dean asked grabbing the device from Castiel. "He left you here? Alone?"

"He said-" Castiel stopped himself from repeating what Sam had told him. Seeing the look on Dean's face he didn't want to get the younger Winchester in trouble over him. "He was only going to be a few minutes."

"I don't care if he was just going down to the vending machines! I told him to watch you!" Dean dropped Sam's phone and it bounced once before the back shattered and the contents exploded against the floor. Dean pushed Castiel aside and pulled back the shower curtain, he found the bathtub empty and went over the sink, nearly ripped the cabinet door of its hinges. He pulled out the complementary bottle of aspirin and twisted the cap to see if the seal had been broken.

"Dean, what are you doing?"

"Give me your jacket." He held his hand out and when Castiel only looked at him, Dean reached out and grabbed the edge of the jacket.

"Dean stop, what's going on?"

"What's in your pockets Cas?" He pulled the former angel close and patted him down, feeling for lumps and cold metal. "Did Sam leave his gun behind again? You grabbed a knife out of the car-"

"Dean!" Castiel shoved him back. "I didn't- I was just, I was only hiding."

"Hiding?" Dean eyes him suspiciously, he wasn't falling for anymore tricks. "You were hiding from me?"

"I didn't want Sam to get in trouble." He admitted, pulling the sleeve of his jacket back up onto his shoulder. "Everyone is tense enough as it is, I didn't want to make it worse."

"Of course you didn't." Dean swore to himself, feeling beyond stupid for over reacting. He ran a nervous hand through his hair, it wasn't to long ago he was bitching at Sam for treating Cas like dirt and now he wasn't doing much better. He looked back over to Cas who was sliding his eyes down Dean's body only now noticing Dean had entered the bathroom shirtless and pants undone. "Stop that."

Castiel's eyes snapped back up and a blush spread across his cheeks. "Sorry."

"I was going to shower." Dean hinted, picking his towel up off the floor. Castiel gave no signs of moving so Dean clarified, "alone."

"Yes, of course." Castiel started for the door and Dean maneuvered around him so there was no risk of them touching. "I'll just watch the television."

* * *

><p>"So at this point Ronnie totally knows that Sammi and Arvin hooked up but she keeps denying it."<p>

"For the love of God will you shut up?" Sam snapped walking faster in hopes of Lucifer leaving him alone.

"Hey we're only on season three, if you want to catch up in time for the premiere-" Sam slammed his eyes shut, his fingers curled into tight fists and he willed with every fiber of his being for Lucifer to just disappear. There was a tiny hissing sound and when Sam opened his eyes, and there must be a God because, Lucifer was gone. He breathed a sigh of relief but his good mood was short lived when he saw the impala parked in front of the motel, out of the fire and into the frying pan. He opened the door, thinking up the best story about why he _had_ to leave Castiel alone, expecting his brother to be on the other side angry and ready for a fight.

"You didn't think it be that easy did you?" The devil drawled leaning against the table.

"Son of a bitch!" Sam yelled dropping all the books he'd picked up from the library. The noise startled Castiel, he jumped to his feet and flinched at the angry twist plastered on Sam's face.

"Dean's not angry with you." Castiel took two hesitant steps towards the other man, still keeping a distance like he expected Sam to attack him.

"Oh Cassie." Lucifer purred, pushing up off the table and walked towards his brother. "You're like a kicked puppy."

Sam closed the distance between him and Castiel, grabbing onto his shoulders and almost flung Castiel across the room in an attempt to keep Lucifer away from him. Castiel not knowing this kept perfectly still as Sam fingers dug into his skin, the only movement he made was a quick glance over to the bathroom door hoping Dean would come out soon.

"Sam, what's wrong?"

"I gotta tell you Sammy, I'm not buying this whole _I'm a scared little boy lost in this big horrible world_ routine. I think he's just trying to worm his way back into your good graces because he's too weak to protect himself. I think he doesn't regret anything and if he was full on angel he'd leave you both high and dry."

"Sam-"

"Just shut the hell up!" Sam hissed and Castiel closed his mouth, not finishing whatever he was going to say. Sam tried to swallow down his anger but it was just so damn hot and loud, all he wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. Then Lucifer was behind Castiel, close against him, the devil ran his hand through his hair but Castiel never looked away from Sam.

"I bet I could make you _beg_ baby brother."

"Stop it, just stop it."

"I'm not doing anything." Castiel whispered. "Just- just wait for Dean to come out Sam."

Sam let go of Castiel, his hands dropped to his side and the other man visibly relaxed thinking he'd calm Sam down. But this was just a beginning of another episode and it was all down hill from here.

"Oh yes, let's wait for Dean, like you don't have him wrapped around your little finger." Lucifer grinned, ruffling Castiel's hair in mock congratulations. "I wonder who's side he'll take."

"I need to go." Sam gasped out

"Sam! Wait, please, stay here."

"Why should I?"

"You shouldn't be wandering around in your condition. You'll get hurt."

"What the hell do you care?"

"Sam you're…" Castiel hesitated. "you're my best friend."

"I-what?"

"That is the correct terminology isn't it? I mean to say you and I are close, very close, I…" He trailed off seeing the look on Sam's face, Castiel turned around and sat down at the table. Sam stared at the back of his head practically able to see the red glow of embarrassment that must be stained across his white skin. Lucifer's bent over in laughter trying to push out more insults and mockery between burst of laughter.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Sam mumbled to himself. "Castiel, stand up." Castiel remained stiffly in the chair, frantically shaking his head, it was just pathetic enough for Sam to push his hallucinations aside and march over to the table. "Seriously, get up."

Castiel heisted but rose to his feet and he turned to the hunter, shoulders slumped and eyes looking everywhere but Sam. Sam swore under his breath and reached for Cas, wrapped his arms around his shoulder and it surprised Castiel so much he didn't even flinch when the grip was a little too rough against his back. He didn't hold it long, only a few seconds before Lucifer burst into another round of laugher and Sam quickly let go and stepped away from the stunned man.

"So I uh want you to remember that 'cause I'm about to go Death Con Five and I'm going to be incredibly bitchy from now on." Sam shot a glare at the grinning Lucifer before grabbing his beg. "I'm going to book a separate room, I just need…need to be alone for a bit."

Castiel nodded slowly unsure what he was supposed to say to that and Sam tried not to slam to door behind him as he left. Castiel kept his gaze locked on the door only moving when Dean finally came out of the bathroom, running a towel over his wet hair.

"I thought I heard Sam, did something happen?"

"I'm not entirely certain." Castiel turned to Dean, debating how much he should tell the hunter. He felt his stomach flutter, not in the _Dean's wet and shirtless_ kind of way but the "I'm going to be sick."

"What?" Dean asked but Castiel had already zipped past him into the bathroom, nearly sliding on the wet floor before he bent over the toilet and started hacking. Dean was saying something to him but it all drowned out against the sharp pain throbbing in his stomach. Castiel spent the rest of the night locked in the bathroom, switching between dry heaving and resting his cheek against the cool porcelain of the tub. Dean tried to stay up with him but Cas mostly ignored him and without meaning to he fell asleep.

That was until he felt the bed he was on dip and heard Castiel cough to get his attention. Dean forced his tired eyes open and sat up, giving room for Castiel to move further on the bed. He sat crossed legged and ran a thumb over the black glasses he wore, wiping away an imaginary smudge and Dean fought the urge to grab them and snap them in half. They sat like that in silence till Castiel "We're going to have sex."

"Cas I'm tired."

"Not now, I am simply telling you that eventually we are going to have sex so I don't understand why you insist on denying me."

"You've been throwing up all night."

"We don't have to kiss, we can do other things."

"Well let's see; you can't jerk me off because of those damn braces, you can't blow me because you can barely swallow food, I can't fuck you on your back because your stitches will rip open, I can't fuck you on all fours because you have fucking holes in your hands and I can't fuck you sideways because I'll just end up with a chest smeared with blood. Does that answer your question?"

"…This conversation is not going to way I had expected."

"Take those damn sunglasses off." Castiel shook his head and leaned forward.

"It's not about my injuries, you're not afraid of hurting me. I thought perhaps it was Sam, you weren't sure how he'd handle knowing about…us." Castiel paused and looked at him but the dark glasses did nothing to lessen the intensity of the stare. Dean tried to stop the conversation right there but Castiel continued. "This is all about you. You push me away from because you're afraid."

"Castiel." Dean warned his voice barely above a growl.

"I hurt you. I realize that and I _am_ sorry, I wish you would believe me when I say I've changed."

"I should have gone with Sam." Dean groaned, flopping back down on the bed and sandwiched his head between two pillows.

"Dean."

"Just drop it."

"I'm not asking for a spontaneous confession of love, I only want you to listen to me."

"Fuck off Cas." He mumbled out against the dirty pillow. "Jesus, this is why you don't fuck around with virgins they always take things too seriously."

"I don't appreciate you joking when I'm trying to have a serious conversation."

"If we had sex would you even know what to do?" He lifted the pillow up just enough to peek out at the e-angel

"I'm a virgin, not an idiot." Castiel grimaced, he used to be an angel of the Lord and now everyone treated him like an invalid. "Besides we are no longer talking about sex."

"Sorry, I must have gotten the wrong impression when you showed up in my bed and declared our inevitable unholy union."

"Dean…" Castiel sighed. "I will take the glasses off if you sit up."

"Keep the fucking sunglasses, I'm tired and I'm not here to be your goddamned therapist at two in the morning."

"One question, then I'll go to sleep." Dean grunted for a response but Castiel didn't ask right away. Dean could feel Castiel shifting on the bed, building up the courage to voice his question. "Can I fix this? Any of it?"

"Go to sleep Castiel, we have a long day tomorrow." _Because no, just no._

"Dean-"

"Now." Dean commanded and the bed springs creaked as Castiel stood up, going to his own bed. He kept holding to what Sam had told him before, things will be better when he woke up and he silently prayed for just one morning where it would be true.

**Sorry this took a bit longer then usual, some of you might have noticed I got tired of waiting for someone else to write a story where Castiel had multiple personalities and decided to just do it myself. But at least Cas finally got a hug :) from Sam not Dean but still very special I guess... and of course all the mental/virtual hugs you guess sent :P**

**Also I'm not going to write about 7x21 episode but I have so many emotions trying to get out all at once and thus have canceled all my feelings and I'm stuck in this emotionless void...**

**But hopefully you aren't in that void and thus can enjoy the chapter :D**


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning found Sam getting an ear full from Dean about leaving Cas alone and disobeying a 'direct order'. Sam shot back that Castiel was a grown man and not a six year old that still needed to hold hands when crossing the street. The argument died down when they realized Castiel had some point left the room and was patiently waiting in the back seat. They'd driven to the local museum after Sam found an article about their poltergeist having one of those freaky Victorian jewelry pieced made of human hair. With her body cremated they figured it was the only things keeping her around so they decided Dean would go in, discreetly swipe the necklace and burn it the bathroom.

Lucifer had been unusually quiet that morning which meant Sam could just sit in the car and enjoy the silence. Castiel sat in the front seat with him

"It is very cold this morning." He shivered and Sam put the windows up. "Could you turn the heat up please?"

Sam nodded and flicked the heat up, Castiel sighed feeling the warm air blow against his cold cheeks. They slip back into a silence, neither completely sure what they're supposed to say to each other. Castiel coughed and tried to push the sleeves of his shirt up "It's hot, why is it so hot? I asked you to turn the heat up Sam, not start a fire."

Sam chose to ignore the tone Castiel used and rolled the windows down to let some of the heat out. Of course it wasn't to long till Castiel piped up with another complaint. "I need a sweater."

"I don't think there are any sweaters in the car…you want my jacket?"

"Did I ask for your jacket?" He snapped.

"Wow sorry." He tried to compromise with heat on and windows down. "What's up with you?"

"I'm angry." He bit out.

"I know Dean hasn't-"

"It's not Dean."

"I told you yesterday-"

"It's not you either." Castiel grumbled sinking down into the seat. "I am angry at myself."

"Why?"

"Because you're finally being nice to me and all I want to do is beat your fucking head into the steering wheel so you'll _stop talking_."

"…did you just swear?"

"Yes I did." Sam knew he should just let it go but Castiel was twitchy and acting unusual even for him.

"Is there something you want to talk about? You've been acting kinda weird lately."

"I…Sam, I…I'm going to be sick." Castiel bolted out the door barely making across the pavement to the grassy edge before he felt the acidy liquid fill his mouth.

"Damn are you tossing your cookies again?" Of course Dean waited till that opportune moment to appear.

"I think I might be dying."

"I think you just have the flu Cas."

Castiel shook his head, feeling another wave of nausea hit him. "I'm never eating again."

"We'll get you some Gravol or something on the way to Bobby's." Dean leaned down to pat Castiel on the back which sent him into another fit of coughs. "Dude if you throw up in my car there'll be hell to pay."

Cas didn't see the humor in Dean's joke judging by the glare he shot up at the hunter. A car door opened and shut behind them and Sam joined them with a bottle of water in hand. "Here Cas, this will help."

"No it won't." Castiel leaned back on his knees, deciding there was nothing left in his stomach to purge. He looked wearily at the bottle in Sam's hands and hesitantly reached for it. Cas took a mouth full of water and spit it back out trying to rid his mouth of the bitter taste. "I don't suppose we could wait till I'm feeling better to go to Bobby's?"

"We were supposed to be at Bobby's a week ago, we should really be heading over." Dean grabbed Castiel's arm and helped him to his feet. "Trust me once you get a few Gravols in you'll be fine."

The three of them got back into the car, Castiel stuck his head slightly out the window on the way to the pharmacy, the fresh air on his face making him feel a little better. They pulled into another parking lot, the three of them went into the store, Sam and Dean went off to buy Gravol and it wasn't till they had reached the check out that Dean realized Cas had wandered off. Dean checked down the aisles and found Castiel next to a large Axe display expecting a black can in his hands.

"Trust me, you don't want that."

"I understand it's only supposed to be a metaphor but shouldn't they have chosen a creature more traditionally associated with sexual arousal, like a succubus or mermaid? Or at the very least one less dangerous then a fallen angel."

"You're over thinking it."

"Also we don't have halos, those were only artists impressions of the heavenly light that surrounds our entire body." Dean stopped himself from laughing, took the can away from Castiel and put it back on the shelf. He led Castiel back to the front and met up with Sam as he headed back to the car. When they were all back in the car Sam tossed the pills in the back seat and Cas, with some difficulty, swallowed them dry. It wasn't another ten minutes before the Gravol was pumping through his system and he had passed out, head leaning against the window and cheek pressed against the glass. The rest of the ride was relatively silent, Dean quietly sang to a few songs but it wasn't till they were ending a long stretch of empty road did Dean turn to his brother and speak.

"Hey watch this." Dean grinned swerving sharply around a corner, the force was enough to send the sleeping Castiel flying away from the window and onto the leather seats. The ex angel quickly shot back up, looking flustered and his eyes still blurred with sleep.

"What was that?" Cas asked his tired eyes narrowed in confusion at the laughter coming from Dean.

"Nothing Cas, just a bump in the road, go back to sleep." Sam didn't have to wait long before he heard soft snoring coming from the back seat again. "Dude, that was not funny."

Dean snorted back another wave of laughter. "He should have been wearing a seatbelt."

"Ya well when he pops open another stitch and bleeds all over your seats I hope it stains."

"Aw baby, he doesn't mean that." Dean purred rubbing a hand over the dashboard.

"You know you treat your car better then you own brother." Sam grumbled and the brothers fell back into silence for the rest of the drive. Castiel woke up at one point, too groggy to say anything but they knew he wasn't sleeping by the lack of snoring. It been a long week of interruption, almost like some untold force didn't want them ever reaching Bobby's house but they finally pulled up to the old rickety house, the closest thing the brothers had to a home. Dean had walked halfway up the stairs when he heard his brother cough to get his attention, Sam motioned over to the car where a certain blue-eyed man was still sitting. Dean rolled his eyes and walked back to the impala, he tapped his fingers against the window but Cas didn't even acknowledge his presence.

"What's up man?" Dean asked as he slid into the car next to Castiel. He stared straight ahead at Bobby's house and Dean almost missed the way his hands slightly shook.

"I…" Castiel voice broke off, his eyes dropped away from the house and he licked his lips in a new found nervous _human_ habit. "I don't want to go in there."

"You can't stay here." Dean felt like he should put a hand on Castiel's shoulder, hug him or something, the guy just looked scared out of his wits. "Bobby's not going to hurt you or anything, he's not even here right now, he's over at Sheriff Mills."

"I'm ashamed of my actions and Bobby has no incentive to treat me kindly."

"Incentive." Dean repeated, the word sounded wrong somehow. "Cas, you know I wouldn't just toss you to the wolves with all torn up."

"All torn up." He flinched; the way Castiel said it, as if his kindness came with conditions.

"Listen, if this was all about angel blood we would have tossed you to the curb the seconds Sam started hallucinating again."

Castiel finally turned to look at Dean, staring hard into the hunter's eyes to search for any hint of lying. He seemed to have found his answer and opened his mouth to say something before the car door opened and Sam interrupted him. "You guys might want to come inside."

Castiel followed behind the brothers, his footsteps slow and hesitant showing his reluctance to face Bobby even if he knew he wasn't in the house. Sam opened the back door and motioned over to the library, it looked empty at first except for a few books until Dean walked in the a bit more and saw a body laying among the books. On instinct he reached for his gun but she lifted her eyes up to him and said "angel proofing your motel doesn't really help if you instantly rush back to nest."

"Mastema." Castiel stepped forward past Dean and the angel and him fell into the most emotionally tense staring contest Dean had ever seen. "Rachmiel is dead."

"Now what would make you say that?" Mastema flicked the book pages absentmindedly, not really paying attention to the contents.

"She's loyal to heaven, she wouldn't work with some thing like you."

"Some thing like me?" She grinned. "Rachmiel doesn't trust me as far as she could throw me, especially with you her new pet project."

"Then why are you here?"

"She made a deal with the Winchesters and has found herself less then capable of holding up her side of the bargain. Unfortunately for her there are very few angels in Heaven willing to be involved with both the infamous ex-god and the Winchester brothers." She pushed herself to her feet and grabbed a knife off Bobby's desk, flicked the edge across her thumb leaving little beads of blood behind. "But being the _thing_ I am, I wouldn't hurt little Sammy, she trusted me enough to fix him up."

She reached her bloody hand to the younger Winchester, who was so tired of seeing Satan everywhere that he didn't really care who reworked the seal. Castiel's hand latched onto the angels wrist and tried to pull her away from Sam though no amount of strength he could muster would be enough to over power an angel. "You lay a single hand on Sam Winchester, it will be the last thing you ever do."

"Or you'll do what, bleed all over me?" She tugged her hand out of Castiel grip, he gave the barest hint of a flinch trying to keep a stern face despite the pain sent through his wrist. "You don't think I'd hurt him do you?"

"I think you're a two-faced snake who is only in heaven because it's beneficial to you. I think you've tried everything you could possibly think of to bring Lucifer back from the pit and they all failed. I think the only reason you are here now is because you tricked Rachmiel into allowing you near Sam in hopes that he might offer some sort of answer on how to bring the devil back."

"That's very insightful Castiel." Mastema smiled again, though the grin was too small and stiff, Castiel's words had obviously touched a nerve. "But don't you think that if I really had wanted to bring big brother back I would have done it by now?"

Dean took a step between his brother and Mastema, he didn't trust demons or angels and somehow she was managed to be a little of both at the same time. Mastema saw that all three of them had suddenly turned wary of her presence and she took a cautionary step back, not because she had anything to fear from them but because her position was at risk. "You don't look very well, brother."

"I am fine."

"Look I…" She hesitated; Dean could see the gears working in her head thinking the best way to handle the situation, to dispel the doubt the three had for her. "I brought you something."

Her hand lifted up, holding what looked like a leather water canteen that she couldn't have been hiding in her short shorts or tank top. She held it out to Castiel who practically stumbled away from the outstretched arm. "Get that away from me."

"Hey now, this was hard to get." All the blood seamed to have drained out of Castiel's face his already pale skin turned a paper white. "I don't know if you remember but last time I tried to knit you back together, you nearly burned my arm off."

"I don't need it."

Mastema rolled her eyes and turned to Dean, her arm still stretched out toward Castiel in case he changed his mind. "You know if he dies, deals off and your brother gets to go on living in crazy town."

"What is that?" Dean asked.

Mastema looked over at Sam before dragging her gaze back to Castiel, the cocky smile finding its way back on her face. "Let's call it wine. And it was very hard to get and is the only thing I could think of that might actually stop Cassie from dying of gangrene and all the other nasty things you humans are always getting."

The fact that Castiel didn't trust Mastema was enough reason for Dean not to either, as much as it perplexed him that Castiel would refuse something that supposedly would make him better it was still his call. "Thanks but no thanks, we'll find another way."

"Or," She started taking a step back towards Castiel who instantly took one back "plan B where I knock you out and pour it down your throat."

Dean tried to protest, stepping forward but Mastema snapped her fingers and Dean felt a wave of electricity run through his body before his muscles went limp and he blacked out. He wasn't sure how long he was out, Bobby still hadn't returned when he woke up, Sam was till passed out on the ground. There was a sickening moment of fear when he looked around the room and saw neither Castiel nor Mastema till her heard the sound of running water. Dean muscled ached but he grabbed hold of the desk and pulled himself up, he walked over to the kitchen and saw Castiel bent over the sink.

"Cas, you okay?" Dean leaned against the counter next to Castiel and watched as he spat into the sink, blood and saliva mixing together before being washed down the drain. "Anything I can do?"

Castiel glanced up at him, catching Dean off guard with the harshness in his eyes. "I would like to have my teeth back."

Castiel stuck a finger past his lips rubbing the sore gap where his molars used to be, he spat into the sink again trying to rid his both of the acidy taste. Dean watched as Castiel moved his jaw, testing for pain or stiffness, and noticed the dark bruise that was forming against his skin. In another scenario Dean would have taken him to the dentist, fake teeth where better then no teeth, but there was no way they would have not taken one look at Castiel and called the cops.

"How do you feel?"

"Better." Castiel almost growled. "That's not the point."

"But-"

"An angel wouldn't have taken that." Castiel's hands gripped the edge of the counter, at least a good sign he wasn't he wasn't in as much pain anymore. "An angel wouldn't have _needed_ it."

"I know being human sucks."

"You don't understand Dean." Castiel let out a frustrated sigh and turned the water off. "I don't think there is a single being in creation that could really understand."

"Okay, you're not a seventeen year old girl, no need to exaggerate like one." And just like that Castiel turned away from him, Dean was pushed out of his comfort zone and had to resort back to sarcasm. Even Dean had to admit he felt a bit like a ass when he watched Castiel stalk up the stairs and slam a door behind him.

Castiel didn't come out for the rest of the night then again no one went knocking on the bedroom door he'd locked himself behind. Sam said he needed space and Bobby agreed though Dean wasn't sure if it was out of genuine concern or a reluctance to talk to the ex-angel. Dean sat on the couch downstairs pretending to research when he was really just trying to figure out how he was supposed to handle both Sam and Castiel problems.

Bobby and Sam both go to bed without Dean realizing it and soon he was alone. When Dean found himself in front of the first door at the top of the stairs he reasoned to that he was only going to check on Castiel, after all he had a bad habit of disappearing lately. He tried to close the door quietly but it still creaked and Cas form shifted on the bed.

"Dean?" Castiel voice was groggy, hair rumpled from the sleep. Dean swallowed down any notion he had that this somehow went against his sense of pride and walked over the Castiel. A pair of blue eyes followed him as he walked to the other side of the bed, Dean lifted the covers and slid beside Cas wrapping an arm around him and pulling him tight against his chest before the fallen angel had a chance to say anything that might change the hunters mind.

"Don't go telling Sam about this, okay?"

He felt Castiel nod then in a meek voice asked "May I turn around."

"Ya, sure." Castiel shuffled around in Dean's arms, tucking his head beneath the hunter's chin his fingers gently wrapped themselves into his shirt. Cas was only fifty percent sure that Dean was actually in his bed, he knew there was a high likely hood that it was all a dream. But he was too tired to care, Castiel drifted back to sleep his hands holding on to Dean in hopes he'd be there when he woke up.


	15. Chapter 15

The next few days passed mostly without incidence; eventually Bobby got tired of Castiel sneaking around the house trying to avoid him. One day he cornered Castiel in the kitchen, handed him a beer and told him he need help translating an old book. So for the time being everyone was managing to get along and there was no bitching or eye-gouging so Dean could actually leave Castiel alone for a few minutes without everything going to hell. Whatever was in the mysterious fire water Mastema had given Cas earlier that week seemed to work, he wasn't getting sick anymore and one of the smaller wounds on his back had finally healed, he could rotate his wrists a full 360 degrees without whimpering in pain. Of course the angel couldn't have spent the extra few seconds to re-work Sam's seal, so Satan was still popping up a lot but Sam found that as long as he focused on something else it wasn't so bad.

Castiel seemed to understand that he wasn't supposed to bring up the night that Dean showed up in his room. It wasn't even that it was Dean was still confused what team he was batting for, more like that Dean didn't _cuddle_ especially when it wasn't even in exchange for sex. On his way to bed the next night he passed by Castiel's room, the door cracked open enough that he could see inside. He wasn't sure if that was Castiel's unspoken invitation to stop by whenever he wanted and that almost made Dean groan in frustration. Lately Castiel was always so unsure about everything, in stark contrast to how it was when he was an angel, but he never passed up a chance to show his near god-like devotion to Dean. Which was really just making Dean uncomfortable.

* * *

><p>Sam had no idea how Dean did it, how he convinced both him and Castiel that they needed to go out drinking. He gave the half-asses excuse that there had to be some adverse effects to going a full week without alchole. Castiel followed Dean into the car because he always did what Dean said and Sam followed Cas because there was no way he'd be able to handle a drunk Dean on his own. The bar had more people then Sam was expecting there to be on a Monday evening, he recognized some faces from other times they'd drank there and the regulars still ignored the no smoking sign.<p>

Dean was four beers in when Sam finally ordered something to drink while Castiel seemed content trying to figure out the rules of the sports game on the television. Eventually Dean realized that the other two didn't really plan on joining his drink fest but it still took him another two beers before he grudgingly agreed to go home. Of course he spent the whole walk back to the car bitching about having to leave just when the bar was starting to fill up.

"Come on Baby, don't do this to me now." A voice cooed on the other side of the lot, Sam barely heard it but Dean with his damsel in distress spidy senses instantly turned to look. If the car hadn't been bright cherry red it would have faded into the night like all the other cars and Dean's eyes lit up like a kid eying candy. He was already walking across the lot before Sam could say anything, looking at the car more then the woman bent under the hood.

"Charger." She jumped at his voice nearly slamming her head against the open hood. "67?"

"…68." She corrected, the beam of her flash light followed her eyes as she looked suspiciously at the stranger.

"Giving you trouble?"

"Nothing I can't handle." She snorted. Dean reached a hand over to the engine but she swatted his hand away. "Hands _off_."

"Hey just trying to help." Dean held his hands up and grinned, she looked at him like he was one of the drunken creeps from the bar. "See the beauty back there, that's mine."

The flashlight went back over to the impala then briefly flashed over the two man standing beside it. She still didn't look entirely convinced that he wasn't a rapist but she took a step aside to let him have a look. "I could drive you home and you can call a mechanic in the morning."

"Ya that's exactly what I need, then Daddy can spend all of Sunday bitching about how I don't know how to treat her."

"I got some tools in my trunk let me see what I can do." She mumbled something under her breath as he walked away and Sam gave him a sour look when he passed. Dean popped the trunk open and grabbed his small tool kit, he tossed his keys at Sam and gave him a thumbs up before heading back over to the lady.

"I can't believe him." Sam murmured, jingling the keys in his hand before turning to Castiel. "Come on, that's our cue to leave."

"But…" Castiel shot a glance over at Dean, who already had both hands covered in grease. "Shouldn't we stay incase she rejects his advances?"

Sam sat down in the front seat and stuck the keys in the ignition. "The jerk can walk home if that happens."

Castiel shifted from foot to foot and kept his gaze on Dean as he chatted up the girl next to him. He grimaced then nodded, walked to the other side of the car and climbed into the seat. The ride home was full of awkward silence and Sam could feel the bad mood radiating off Castiel. "I don't want you to think that I'm trying to interfere with Dean's conquests."

"I don't think that." Sam assured him.

"It's just that that woman gave me a bad feeling. What if she isn't human?"

"I'm sure Dean can take care of himself." Sam said and as if to prove him wrong his cell phone went off. It vibrated twice and lit up with Dean's number, Sam opened the text _Sammy, bring condoms. Now._ then listed off an address. Cursing his luck Sam u-turned and headed in the opposite direction, veering left at the next right and mentally chastised his brother for being so stupid. He pulled up to a run down motel, sleazy by even the Winchester's low standards, and reached over into the glove compartment grabbed a small black box out of it. "Uh wait here, I shouldn't be long."

Castiel shrugged and looked out the window turning his attention away from Sam and the motel room Dean had found himself in. The door clicked shut and Castiel rested his head against the cool glass, it was fairly late and Cas was usually asleep by now. Beside it was easier to slowly edge into sleep then to focus on the bitter realization that Dean didn't have to decency to wait till Castiel was out of eye shot to start hitting on women.

A high pitched ring jolted Castiel out of his sleep, bleary eyes looked around at the near blackness of the night lit up with only a few street lamps. When the ring sounded again Castiel realized his phone was going off, a device he hardly had a use for and was usually tossed in the back seat. It was difficult to find in the darkness but he grabbed it on the last ring, answering in a rough voice "Hello?"

"Where are you?"

"Bobby?" Castiel rubbed his eyes and yawned. "What's wrong?"

"You three were supposed to be back hours ago. Dean said he'd work that case in Colton tomorrow and you idjits can't spend all night drinking the night before a hunt."

"Dean found a woman at the bar." Castiel explained and Bobby snorted. "Sam went to give him protection…but that was…he has been gone quite awhile."

"They left you _alone_?" Castiel tensed at the question, why did every one think the world would some how end if Castiel was left to his own devices?

"He said he would return shortly."

"But he hasn't."

"Should I go check on him?"

"I think you should have done that if Sam was gone longer then five minutes." Bobby paused. "You have a gun?"

"You want me to shoot her?"

"…only if she's not human."

"I'm not incompetent Bobby." Castiel got out of the car and opened the trunk, grabbing the colt he said good bye to Bobby and headed over to the last room on the strip, sliding then gun into the back of his pants. He tried to discreetly peek through the window curtains but could only see the edge of the couch and not much else. He moved over to the door and strained to hear something on the other side but the whole building was cloaked in silence. Castiel held his hand up to the door, nearly knocking before thinking it was a stupid idea to announce his presence if something bad was going on. Taking a deep breath he grabbed the door knob and stepped in.

The room looked empty at first, extremely dirty but mostly empty, then Castiel heard a muffled cry and turned to see both Sam and Dean tucked away in the corner. He was almost relieved till he saw the duck tape across Dean's mouth, the rope that tied them both to a chair and the tiny trickle of blood on Sam's forehead. Dean tugged against the ropes keeping his hands on the chair's arms and jerks his neck, his muffled voice trying to speak to Castiel.

"Dean, what-" Castiel stopped when the door slammed shut, he tried to turn around but something slammed hard against his skull.

Castiel groaned, his head felt like it was on fire and everything was blurry. A noise kept ringing in his ears and he thought that Dean was going to strain his vocal cords if he kept trying to yell through his gag. Then the memories came flooding back and Castiel tried to move but found his body tied down just like Dean. The light was turned on now and the brightness hurt his eyes but at least her could see.

"Good to see you're awake." Castiel tried to look behind him at the voice, the quick movement sent a shrill pain through his head. "I was worried I might have hit you too hard."

A mess of red hair come into view, the girl from the parking lot, and if Sam wasn't still passed out Castiel would have said to him _I told you so_. She smiled sweetly and he saw the glint of a knife before he felt its cold tip bite against his jaw. Dean tried to yank the ropes loose again, pulling so hard the chair wobbled and could almost hear the swear words he was trying to yell out.

"Don't worry," She pressed the knife harder into his skin just short of breaking it "I'm not going to hurt him. I have orders." She stabbed the knife next to Castiel's head into the wall. Her eyes flashed black and she walked to the other side of the room, grabbed Sam by his hair and examined the gash on his forehead. "Sam on the other hand, I definitely hit him too hard."

At that point Dean's face was bright read and he continued to scream against the duck tape. The demon rolled her black eyes, reached over and ripped the tape off. "You bitch, when I get my hands on you-"

She laughed, bitter and angry, she let go of Sam and stood in front of Dean. "You really don't remember me, do you?"

"Should I?" He growled.

"My names Sophia. Sophia Martin." She paused waiting to see if Dean would react to the name. "Yeah I didn't expect you to remember."

"Who the hell are you?"

"Four years." She started, ignoring his question. "It's been less then four years, isn't that crazy? In Hell time goes by so slowly, it's been a couple hundred years down there and only four years up here, forty-eight months…since I ended up on your rack."

Castiel could see the fire in Dean's eyes die, his usually tanned skin seemed to pale and he breathed out a "what?"

"And usually it takes a long time before they let you come up top but I guess boss knew I had a standing grudge against you."

"Let them go," Dean said slowly "whatever I did to you they had nothing to do with it."

She reached into her coat pocket and pulled a small vile out then she chuckled and walked over to Castiel. "It was a killer deal really, I get to strap you down and cut you up and I'll gotta do is deliver Angelboy here."

She put a hand on the back of Castiel's chair and leaned in, holding up the vile and shaking the contents. Castiel's eyes widened at the nickname and his breath caught at objects in glass bottle. Three white teeth rattled against the side and it made every lesion on his body throb and ache. "Nikki."

"Seems like she's missing you something awful and just itching to get you back."

"Sophia listen," the demon didn't move away from Castiel but turned to look at Dean "you've been in Hell long enough to know that…to know how things work. Yeah I did horrible things in Hell but you've tortured souls to."

"Yeah I have." She stood up and Castiel caught a flash of a sneer before she turned to face Dean. "I rip them apart and every night I give them a chance to get off and if they say no I start all over again."

She grabbed the knife out of the way and cleared the distance between her and Dean in only a few strides. Sophia held the knife against Dean's throat and practically spit in the hunter's face. "And if they say yes, you let them off. Because that's how it works but that's _not_ what you did."

"I-"

"Shut up!" She hissed and stabbed the knife into his shoulder. Castiel called out Dean's name and Sophia growled before twisting the knife. "I begged you to stop. I told you I'd do anything to get off that rack, that I'd butcher people if I had to."

She pulled the blade out and plunged it into his stomach, Castiel kept telling her to stop, the noise was starting to rouse Sam from his sleep and he groaned but Dean just clenched his jaw and swallowed any sign he was in pain.

"And you laughed. I didn't last long before you broke me and you told me, Hell needs hard demons not soft little girls. So you kept going, for six fucking months till you got bored and passed me on to someone else." Dean's breathing was growing heavy, he tried to keep his glare dark and heavy on her but his eyes were starting to droop.

"…Dean?...Cas?" Sam groggy voice stopped Sophia from cutting into Dean anymore. She watched him lift his head and the way his bleary eyes lit up when he realized what was going on.

"I'm going to kill your baby brother." Sophia leaned in and whispered into Dean's ear. "I'm going to bleed you dry, skin your brother and hand deliver your little boyfriend because we have big plans for him." She ripped the knife out again, pulled back Dean's head till his neck was stretched out, Castiel could see Sophia's fingers tighten around the knife before she raised it up.

"You're pathetic." The knife had barely grazed Dean's neck when Sophia jerked back at the sound of Castiel's voice. "You weren't good enough to be a real demon so they turned you into an errand girl."

"I'll get to you later." Sophia barked but Castiel kept going before she could turn back over to Dean.

"He never got bored with you, he just finally saw the weak child you were."

"Cas…stop talking." Dean wheezed.

"Four years on earth is almost five hundred years in Hell and you're still whining like a baby." Sophia's bravado melted away into shock staring at Castiel, eyes almost as wide as Sam who was just as surprised to see a glimpse of the Castiel he'd first met, not the meek man he'd been lately.

"Don't think I won't break every bone in your body."

"I'm sure that will go over well, bringing Nikki damaged goods. You don't even make a decent foot soldier." Sophia stepped away from Dean and Castiel spared him only half a glance before he continued. "

"Shut up!" She screeched and kicked at him, narrowly missing his knee and slamming into the seat of the chair instead. Castiel went flying backwards landing against the ground with a heavy thud, his head bounced against the sharp edge of the chair. A cough ripped out through his chest, a spray of liquid crimson erupting from between his lips. The next cough turned into a harsh gurgle, blood pooling out the sides of his mouth and blue eyes rolled up and disappeared. "What- what's going on? What wrong with him?"

"He's sick." Sam voice was still rough from sleep. "He's still torn up from last time."

Sophia dropped to her knees and when another shutter broke out through Castiel she lifted his head which only sent another puddle of blood out of his mouth and down his chest. "Shit."

"You need to put him of his front or he'd going to choke on his own blood." Sophia looked over at Sam, he could see the panic ebbing into her eyes and the way her hands were starting to shake. "You think your boss is going to be happy with a corpse?"

Sophia picked the knife back up and slashed the ropes tying Castiel's ankles then quickly went for the ones on his wrists. She reached out to move him but in a flash Castiel had lunged at her, knocking her away and reached for the gun still tucked under his shirt. He'd barely brushed the handle before Sophia pushed him back and her fist collided with his jaw. Castiel rolled away just in time to avoid another punch and sent a leg out to kick her on her back.

"You son of a bitch." She growled and lunged at him but Castiel was faster, he grabbed the colt out of his pants and shot. The bullet his with such force it snapped her head back, bone cracking around the hole, Sophia managed a soft gurgle before her body went limp. Castiel dropped the gun and took a heavy breath; he wiped the blood of his cheek, a mix of his own and splatter from bullet wound.

"Cas." Sam breathed, looking over at his brother whose breathing was heavy and shallow. Castiel stared blankly at the blooded coating his fingers and down to the dead demon on the ground. "Castiel, you okay?"

Castiel looked over at Sam and wiped the sticky substance onto his jeans. "Life would be much more simple if you two stopped coveting demons."

**So I have the mother of all migraines and have been having them for them none stop for the last three weeks. I just wanted to explain why this chapter is so late and why there is probably a lot of spelling mistakes. It is just very hard to stare at a white screen when it feels like razor blades are exploding in your head o_o**. **I promise next update won't take so long, also there will be fluff instead crazy angst like in most chapters.**


	16. Chapter 16

Sam shut his phone and slammed the impala's door simultaneously, shoving the keys in the ignition and glanced into the back seat before speeding out of the parking lot. "Bobby said to bring him back to the house."

"What?" Castiel looked up from the bleeding man in his lap.

"Keep pressure on the wound." Castiel quickly pushed the dirty rag against Dean's shoulder. The hunter groaned but didn't wake up which Sam considered to be a good sign that at least he wasn't dead. "He said not to bother with the hospital."

"But Sam-"

"He said to take him home." Sam snapped as he reared a corned. "Just don't…just keep pushing on the wound." Castiel nodded, he tried to stem the flow of blood but the knife must have hit something vital because the cloth was already soaked in crimson. Sam made it back in record time, mostly due to the fact he didn't stop for a single read light. Bobby ushered them into the library and Dean was laid out on the couch.

"How exactly do you plan on healing him?" Cas carefully peeled back Dean's shirt to reveal the deep wound that was still pumping out blood. "If we don't do something soon he'll bleed to death."

"We have a visitor." Bobby pushed open the door that led to the kitchen, revealing Mastema sitting crossed legged, holding a bowl and shoveling food into her mouth.

"This is the most amazing thing I have ever tasted." Mastema said, bits of Kraft Dinner falling from her mouth.

"You made her food?" Sam said disbelievingly.

"It shut her up for a few minutes." Bobby shrugged.

"Can we focus on the situation at hand?" Castiel snapped, looking over to the angel on the kitchen table. "Mastema, fix him."

Mastema ran her thumb below her lip, wiping yellow cheese sauce away and hopped off the table. Sam and Castiel moved back from Dean to let her have a look at him. "Nah, I don't think I will."

"But-"

"You know you said some awfully mean things to me last time I was here." Her eyes traveled up and down Dean's bloody torso. "It would be basic manners to apologize."

Castiel bristled and hissed out. "Absolutely not."

"Oh well," Mastema rolled her eyes and sat down on the edge of the couch, shoving Dean's feet aside "I never much like Dean anyways."

"I'm sure Castiel's very sorry." Sam jumped in before Castiel could mess the situation up anymore. Mastema folded her arms over her chest she looked over at Castiel who glared back. "Cas, _come on_."

"I…" Castiel looked down at Dean who was barely breathing and swallowed. "I'm very sorry, Mastema. That was rude of me to say, I was feeling unwell and-"

She didn't wait for him to finish before she reached over and laid two fingers against Dean's neck. Dean shot up with a deep gasp, nearly kicking Mastema in the face and not looking to happy to find her sitting so close. "Are these near death experience going to be a common occurrence?"

"Screw you, I didn't ask for you help." She shrugged and twirled a strand of blonde hair between nails that were caked in dirt. "And fix Sam."

"You know," Mastema gave Sam a sickly sick smile and leaned closer "I think you're perfect, just the way you are."

Sam cringed and looked away, an insult on the tip of his tongue but he kept it to himself. He didn't want to go one more minute with Lucifer hanging around.

"As for the believers among the nations…"She pricked her thumb and dragged the bloody digit across Sam stomach. "They should keep themselves from what is sacrificed for idols as well from blood."

The sigil glowed a faint blue then dimmed, Sam dropped his shirt back down and mumbled a thank you. Mastema turned to Castiel spoke a language neither brother could understand but it sounded like a question. He replied in the same language, shoulders pulled back and eyes set in a glare. Mastema didn't look happy with his answer and shook her head, she motioned to Dean and spoke again. Castiel responded, raising his voice and pointed at Sam then snapping at Mastema.

"Hey! English please." Dean stood between Mastema and Castiel, stopping the conversation right there. Mastema ignored him and held a hand out to Sam, reached into his jacket and pulling out a tiny glass bottle.

"These?" She shook the bottle rattling the teeth inside and Castiel nodded grimly. "I could probably manage it. You two, out."

"No."

"If you want to see Castiel whimpering like a little kitten then by all means stay." Mastema popped the cork out of the glass vile.

"It's fine Dean." Castiel assured Dean. He still wasn't fully convinced but before he could say anything Sam grabbed his arm and pulled him off to the kitchen, sliding the doors closed. Sam reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

"I found this on the windshield." He unfolded it and handed it to his brother.

_Just messing with you angel boy. _

_Nikki_

"She dots her i's with hearts." Dean muttered, crumpling the note and tossing it behind him "Crazy bitch."

"This is getting serious Dean." A muffled cry rang out behind the door and Mastema told Cas to stop being such a baby. "I think we need to talk to him, get us to tell us what he knows."

"We've already done that, Crowley's pissed he got double crossed."

"You don't really think that's all, do you? I mean Crowley could have just killed him but he's still alive there has to be a reason for it." Sam picked up the crumpled note, smoothed it out and studied the words like there might be some hidden message in them. "I think you should stay here with Cas, Bobby and I will go work the case in Colton."

"You want me to babysit?"

"No, just talk to him."

"Yeah, why don't I rent The Notebook and stoke up on chocolate fudge ice cream." Dean snorted.

"Can you be serious for five minutes?" Sam put the note on the kitchen table and closed the gap between him and his brother. "If she takes him again we might not get him back."

The door slid open and Castiel walked in, rubbing his sore jaw. "I believe she made that hurt more then necessary."

"Uh, Cas." Dean tapped the side of his mouth mirroring the smudge of blood staining Castiel's lip. Castiel quickly wiped his shirt sleeve but the motion cause another wave of pain in his jaw. "So you're all put back together."

"For the most part." Castiel agreed. He looked between Dean and Sam sensing the tension between them and asked "Is something wrong."

"Dean's going to stay here with you." Sam jumped in before Dean could say anything. "He's a little shook up after what happened."

"Oh." Castiel looked at Dean easily seeing through Sam's lie, Dean had been through enough near death experiences to not let it bother him anymore. "You won't need any help Sam?"

"No, Bobby and I got it. You two just relax." Sam started for the door and flashed a grin at his brother. "Dean's getting ice cream."

And of course when Dean was done changing Castiel was already waiting in the car so Dean was forced to actually get ice cream. Of course it was goopy by the time they got home they got back to Bobby's house. Dean stuck the container in the freezer and Castiel and him just sat awkwardly in complete silence for the next forty five minutes. Finally Dean dropped a bowl in front of Castiel and stuck a spoon right in the middle of the ice cream mountain. Dean had assumed Castiel would badger him with questions, he was pretty sure that this was the first time Castiel had ever had dessert, but they only ate in complete silence.

A few bites in Castiel hissed and cupped his hand over his temple. The spoon cluttered to the table and Castiel shoved the half empty bowl away before he grabbed the other side of his head.

"It's just brain freeze Cas." Dean placed a hand over Castiel's hand even though he knew it wouldn't really do much.

"I don't like it!"

"Rub your thumb against the roof of your mouth. That's supposed to help." Castiel sucked a thumb into his mouth and slowly his the tension that scrunched his face up disappeared.

"Why would you ever buy such a thing?"

"Ice creams great, you just have to eat it slowly."

"I don't want any more." Dean shrugged, picked up the bowls and shoved them back in the freezer. When he turned around he saw Castiel reach across the table and picked up the discarded note. Dean tried to tell him to stop but his eyes were already roaming over the sloppy cursive. "…What is this?"

"It's nothing." Dean hurried over and snatched the paper out of Castiel's hand.

"Nothing?" Castiel's eyes snapped over to Dean, he opened his mouth to say something else but didn't get a chance to. Dean grabbed hold off Castiel's shirt and yanked him onto his feet, before he had a chance to react Dean slammed his lips against Castiel's. Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and pulled him close as he stepped back, inching his way to the door. He slipped his tongue between Castiel's lips but his mind wandered to the plan he had jumped into. Distract Castiel, bring him upstairs and right before they tumble back on to the bed Dean would say he heard a car door slam, pretend to freak out and leave Cas up there while he hid out downstairs and avoided any more awkward conversations.

"Dean, stop." Castile pushed against Dean's chest till he was released.

"What?" Dean moved closer to Castiel but the fallen angel pulled away again and moved to the other side of the kitchen. Castiel kept his back to Dean, his body tense and hands gripped into fists.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Dean said after several moments of agonizing silence.

"I thought it was."

"Of course you finally get what you want and it not good enough." Dean snorted. "The day you figure out what you want they should through a big freaking parade."

"What I want?" Castiel bit out, he spun around and glared at Dean. "What I want is to be able to touch you without you acting like a bitch for the next week I want you to touch me and not have a panic attack because Sam might find out. And if you can't do that don't bother touching me at all, in fact stay away from me in general, obviously I've misread the situation."

"What situation?" Dean yanked open the fridge door and looked for beer, whiskey, anything. "There's no situation Cas, there's just you trying to play the hero but I'm no damsel in distress.

"I-I-I-" Castiel stuttered his rage boiling over and stopping him from forming words. Dean snorted and Castiel finally managed to spit out "I saved your life."

"What you did was fucking stupid."

"She was going to kill you!"

"I've survived worse." Dean slammed the fridge door and turned back to Castiel. "If you ever pull a stunt like that again, demons will be the least of your problems."

Castiel's breath hitched and his whole body visibly tensed, his eyes shot over to the note still sitting on the table and Dean had the sudden urge to punch himself for being so stupid. "She's going to kill me."

"No she won't."

"I don't want to die." Castiel ran a shaky hand through his hair and forced his eyes away from the folded paper. Dean raised a hand to comfort him but Castiel stepped away. "Before when I was angel, I didn't have to worry about dying, it was easy to be brave when there is no danger. And when I fell I wasn't afraid of dying because at least I'd die for something, fighting for a cause. But this...if Nikki kills me it will just be pointless and- and bloody."

"She can't get to you if you're with us."

"She already has Dean." He shook his head and added "twice."

"Come on, when has a demon ever been able to outrun us?"

"I wish I could believe it was that simple." Castiel shook his head and left, Dean heard the stairs squeak as Castiel climbed upstairs and at least got his wish of being left alone.

**Okay I know I promised fluff in this chapter, and I totally tried to do it, I tried for nearly a month but it just kind of ruined the flow and I re-wrote it like 8 times. I'm very sorry...I promise it won't take this long to write another chapter and _eventually_ I'll get to some fluff.**


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